An ensemble of criminals in Washington, DC popularly referred to as the "United States House of Representatives" yesterday passed yet another in a long series of "continuing resolutions" where they resolved to continue spending imaginary play money (archived). This now routine development buys these criminals more time to continue conducting their illegitimate business with the numerous accessories and accomplices to their criminal empire. Sorry for your loss.
Category Archives: North America
US Sports Team Loses Bidding War To Russian Sports Team For Sportsman
For the third consecutive year Avanguard Omsk has outbid the Saint Louis Blues for the affections of Czech ice hockey player Vladimir Sobotka. Over the past two years the Blues have tried to cast Sobotka's choice to participate in the Kontinental Hockey League club Avanguard as a "development" move allowing Sobotka more playing time to hone his skills "back home"1 when the simple fact is they've been beat at the money game.
For decades the extravagant spending of the advertising industry in the United States allowed American spectator sports teams to enjoy their pick of top players from the international market, but as the United States continues to become concretely poorer in absolute terms decisions like Vladimir Sobotka's are likely to become more common among sportsmen.
Omsk is in Siberia which is not Sobotka's temperate Czech homeland. Siberia is inside Russia, and Russia is far enough from the Czech Republic that the two separate countries do not share any borders. ↩
Refugee Death Displaces Electoral Noise From US National Conversation On Eve Of Debate
For nearly the entirety of September 25th, the day before the first debate between Donald Trump-Clinton and Hillary Rodham-Clinton news media in the United States toned down their production of electoral noise to mourn the death of a refugee. The body of Cuban refugee Jose Fernandez was recovered from an overturned boat that came to rest on a jetty off of Miami Beach around 3:30 am. Two other people were killed in the accident, but they have neither been named nor triggered a day of national mourning.1 Rest in Peace.
Duterte Assigns Phillipine Police To Investigate US Police
Phillipine President Rodrigo Duterte (WOT:unknown/undisclosed) has charged Phillipine National Police Chief Ronald dela Rosa with sending a task force to the United States to investigate violence committed by police in the United States (archived). While lesser world leaders limit their criticism of the criminal gang in Washington, DC's actions to those on the international stage, the ever consummate humanitarian Duterte takes America to task at home. Peace in our time.
"Libertarian" New Hampshire Forces Altcoin Exchange Out
The favored altcoin exchange of ether huffers, Poloniex has been forced to abandon its customers in New Hampshire. This follows alleged tightening in the regulatory environment fiat respecting organizations like Poloniex submit themselves to suffering. New Hampshire has been targeted by hippies posing as Libertarian activists to little actual effect. Sorry for your loss.
Canadian Keisters Other Buttcoins In Heist
A Canadian man has been charged with theft of $180,000 of gold from the Royal Canadian Mint, using methods that will certainly prepare him for his new home in a penal institution. Leston Lawrence appeared before magistrates in Ottawa on Tuesday and was charged with theft, laundering the proceeds of crime, possession of stolen property and breach of trust. Mr. Lawrence used his position as an employee of the refinery to smuggle out 7 ounce rounds of gold in his rectum and later sell them to gold merchants for around $6500 a pop. 18 pieces of gold were allegedly stolen between Nov. 27, 2014 and March 12, 2015, according to records kept by the Gold dealer and the bank where Lawrence cashed the checks. A bank employee became suspicious of the amounts being transacted and alerted authorities. No security video cameras were installed in the area where Mr. Lawrence formerly worked, but officials have stated they have since upgraded their security by installing high-definition digital cameras and will use “trend analysis technology” to prevent future thieves from liberating gold from their vaults. Sorry For Your Loss. (archived)
Nigerian Students Scammed By Alabama State University
A group of 37 international students from Nigeria are suing Alabama State University over the school's practice of withholding scholarship funds sent by the Nigerian government for their benefit (archived). In their defense, the school alleges a mysterious official from the Nigerian government directed them not to disburse the remaining balance of the scholarships after tuition and required fees to the students. Per the conditions attached to the scholarships these funds were to be directed to the students so that they could pay their expenses incurred which are not billed by the university. The extent to which Alabama State managed to keep these students from accessing their scholarship funds however kept students from even paying tuition to take classes at the university during the summer term, because of instructions the University alleges it received from the mystery government official. The school further alleges the instructions directed returning surplus funds to a "Nigerian Government account." Sorry for your loss.
Cash Seized By NYPD Uncounted And Untracked
The NYPD is seizing so much money through it civil assets forfeiture laws that counting it all would cause their Property and Evidence Tracking System (PETS) to crash due to the volume. NYPD's Assistant Deputy Commissioner Robert Messner stated he "no idea how much money it took in as evidence, nor did it have a way of reporting it" as "a manual count of over half a million invoices each year” would be required. Officials claim that an overhaul of the 4 year old PET system would be required to perform the necessary accounting. (archived)
NJ Hamplanet Chris Christie's Own Lawyer Calls Him A Liar
New Jersey hamplanet and alleged governor Chris Christie's own lawyer asserted his own client was a liar. The trial concerns allegations of wrongdoing connected to a local scandal of trivial importance. Christie is notable for scuttling his own campaign for the United States presidency in order to sabotage his own party's candidates in support of Donald Trump-Clinton's campaign and eating himself into a genderless anatomical state. Sorry for your laws.
US Business Emigration Today! A Special Edition Bayer Roundup Xtend
A number of transactions and announcement occurred today documenting the flight of business activity from the United States.
- Monsanto finally surrendered their business to a bid from Bayer AG for 128 dollars per share in a cash transaction, pending regulatory approval. The purchase would merge the dominant agricultural seed producers firmly placing the future of United States agriculture in German hands. A present the two firms are independently the leading manufacturers of herbicide resistant crops. The number of persons too poor for trees1 is expected to climb.
- Ford Motor Company announced they are moving manufacturing operations for all of their small cars to Mexico.
- Surrogates for the major party candidates for the United States presidency continue clogging the mainstream press with arguments over which geriatric candidate is less decrepit in their old age as well as which candidate's non-profit "charitable" organization is less corrupt. Hilary Rodham Clinton remains on her third day of rest following this past weekend's health scare.
Also known as living in a state of povertree. ↩