Ether Huffing, "RobinHood", And Suicide Hotlines – A Shitcoin Roundup

Ether huffers continue to persist in their delusion they can build a "DAO", nearly four years after it was revealed the platform is irreparably broken. The developers behind "MakerDAO" are still scrambling to minimize the SFYL after "network congestion" caused prices updates to lag and so permitted enterprising individuals to swipe over $4 million USD in ETH from users participating in the scheme (archived). Continue reading

Desperate Hoaxtoshi Craig Wright Tries To Patent Everything Bitcoin

Serial liar Hoaxtoshi, a.k.a. Craig Wright (WoT: nonperson) is desperately flailing for relevance by spamming 831 patent applications, including one on the original Bitcoin code, to fiat registrars. In regards to patenting the Bitcoin whitepaper and code, he was quoted as saying: Continue reading

Montana GOP Disavows State Senator Over Strong Anti-Socialist Position

Montana State senator Rodney Garcia was allegedly overhead saying "the constitution says to either shoot socialists or put them in jail" this past weekend (archived). GOP party officials were quick to condemn the alleged utterance despite their own professed opposition to socialism, with one saying: Continue reading

"Must Fix" Problems Plaguing F-35 Moneypit Continues To Be Blocking

$428 Billion US taxpayer dollars were shown to be hard at work in the annual report for the F-35 program annual report. U.S. "Defense" Department director of operational test and evaluation Robert Behler listed a number of serious flaws with the planes in his report, including guns that don't shoot straight failing to accurately engage ground targets, cracked gun housings, and at least 873 software flaws. The laundry list of issues were described as "must-fix" items before the F-35's upcoming $22 billion Block 4 "upgrade" phase can begin. (archived)

Drama Laden altcoin Forked Off Bitcoin Sees Hash Drop Leaving Long Wait For Blocks

A sudden 50% drop in hashpower on the BCH network this morning caused it to go 5.5 hours without producing a block (archived). Users likely didn't notice as the next block, 620026, contained only 2.3MB in transactions. The anomaly occurred just days after BCH communist party leaders announced, then seem to have rescinded, a plan to tax miners 12.5% of block rewards.

German Reichbrew Sells

German authorities are fuherious over an allegedly neo-Nazi-labeled beer called "Deutsches Reichsbräu" (archived). While Nazi symbols are banned in Germany, the product's imperial eagle and iron cross are kosher under German speech restrictions at this time. Crates of the beer, marketed by former NPD state election candidate Tommy Frenck, were selling for 18.88 Euros.

Chinese One Dollar Bill Shipment Seized In Minnesota

A shipping container from China was seized by US Customs and Border Protection officials after it was found to contain almost 1 Million USD in allegedly counterfeit single dollar bills (archived). The container arrived via the International Falls port of entry in Minnesota holding 45 packages of dollar notes totaling $900,000. Secret Service agents congratulated themselves on keeping the money out of circulation and upholding their appearance of monopoly on printing approximately 6.6 billion increasingly worthless notes every year.

Some altcoin Forked Off Of Bitcoin Forking Again To Implement Developer Tax On Block Rewards

Roger Ver (WoT:nonperson) and Jihan Wu (WoT:nonperson), have announced a 6 month plan to implement a 12.5% tax on block rewards in order to fund development on their ailing forkcoin project. The developer tax will fuck the altcoin's protocol layer to orphan blocks by miners refusing to participate in the redistribution of wealth towards an entity known only as the "Hong Kong corporation" at press time. Details regarding who will receive funding and how supposedly remains under discussion. Some BCH miners have expressed displeasure with the tax, though BTC.TOP mining pool founder Jiang Zhuoer (WoT:nonperson) claims the issue isn't up for debate, going so far as to quote former Chinese communist party leader Deng Xiaoping in defense of the move:

Non-debate theory is my invention. Non-debate, is to gain time to work hard. When you debate, everything becomes more complicated and it wastes time. Nothing can be done. Don’t debate, and just try. Be brave and experiment.

Plans are for the mandatory tax to become effective on May 15 when their biannual hard fork "update" is scheduled.