In his continuing mission to wreck Bitcoin, Pieter Wuille (WoT:sipa) has submitted a final proposal for 3 new "BIPs" and a pull request to the "Bitcoin Core" Shithub that will introduce Schnorr signatures and a new mEthereum-like addition called taproot via a "soft fork" to the protocol. Schnorr signature schemes were discussed in #trilema as far back as 2017, and determined to be attractive to PRB users because they are a match made in heaven for individuals using Segwit, multisig, or other "anyone can spend" schemes. Taproot was proposed in January of last year by Greg Maxwell (WoT:gmaxwell) and is an attempt to add "smart contract" functionality to Bitcoin, supporters having quickly forgotten about the SFYL that occurs when one consciously chooses to huff "smart contract" Jenkem. As always, users of actual Bitcoin will not be affected.
Author Archives: shinohai
Apple Hands Over More Keys
Apple surrendered to Oriental Socialism and moved encryption keys for Chinese users to Chinese servers at the behest of Party officials. According to Reuters, 'Chinese authorities can now get a Chinese legal order and tell Apple to hand over user data. Apple will have no choice but to comply with the order." Apple already complies with U.S. Department of [in]Justice requests, and appears poised to work with "Party officials" worldwide. The Chinese just get preference for assembling the merchandise.
Buttfunder Founder Montroll Arrested
The U.S. Department of [in]Justice has arrested the founder of BitFunder, Jon Montroll (WOT:nonperson) – better known as Ukyo – in response to an investigation by The FBI and the Securities and Exchange Commission. BitFunder was an early Bitcoin "securities exchange" that saw around 6000 BTC liberated from it's coffers due to a bug that allowed attackers to credit themselves funds among other lulz. The announcement on the Department of [in]Justice website alleges that Montroll lied to SEC investigators in 2013 when questioned in regards to company finances after the hack, while depositing some of his own coins to BitFund in an effort to conceal the SFYL. Mr. Montroll has been charged with two counts of perjury and a single count of obstruction of justice.
Maduro Government In Venezuela Attempts ICO
Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro officially launched his own socialist shitcoin, "El Petro" today for pre-sale, and claims that each coin will be backed by a single barrel of oil. Maduro said there will be around 100 million coins total, arbitrarily valued at $6 billion USD which he promises will be "a total success for the welfare of Venezuela.” $38.4 million of that amount were up for grab during today's pre-sale at discount prices in an attempt to lure new investors into his scheme. The ICO was allegedly opened as a counter to crippling economic sanctions, the majority of which are imposed by Maduro's "Ya Socialismo", and El Presidente is hoping that it will provide a new outlet for payments of goods and services in the territory.
CoinBase Fiat Side Glitch Opens Butts For Hurts
An unnamed bug in Coinbase's purchasing system is responsible for multiple cases of SFYL this week, with angry redditards reporting having their bank accounts drained of filthy fiat after making a single purchase on the platform. As always, Coinbase was quick to lay the blame elsewhere, stating “We have confirmed that this is an issue occurring downstream from Coinbase, and we’re working with those parties to reach a resolution.”
The glitch went unnoticed from Jan.22 until Feb.11 and "customer service" reps from Coinbase say everyone should rest assured that they will be refunded in full. The company recently made changes to how it handles credit card purchases, listing them as "cash advances" at the point-of-sale, resulting in all the customer's cash being advanced directly to Coinbase's coffers. The front page of r/Coinbase on reddit stands as a testament to the escalating number of rubes who probably now wish they were using actual bitcoin.
ICO Scams Continue: Dying Kodak's Appears To Stall Before Starting
Eastman Kodak Company has announced that numerous "fake webpages and facebook accounts" are offering fraudulent KodakCoins for sale, despite the company not having the actual scam token available to the general public yet. Kodak executives awarded themselves company shares in the day before the announcement that they would license the brand to a "blockchain project company" which caused share prices to nearly double. Kerrisdale capital, a hedge fund, said in analysis of the project that "the team behind KODAKCOIN has zero credibility" and the chairman and founder behind the ICO is "a stock promoter that was previously banned from a Canadian stock exchange." Eastman Kodak Co. filed for bankruptcy around 6 years ago, with debts of more than $6.75 billion USD and has failed to make a comeback despite Citibank infusing it with $950 million in cash to prop-up operations.
Mayoman Squeals As Buterin's Waterfall Weakens
Mayogendered money-man Agustín Carstens, general manager of the Bank for International Settlement, is calling Bitcoin “a combination of a bubble, a Ponzi scheme and an environmental disaster” and urges banks and regulators to "clamp down" on Bitcoin and other "cryptocurrencies" to prevent them from becoming a “threat to financial stability”. He further stated that
"If the only ‘business case’ is use for illicit or illegal transactions, central banks cannot allow such tokens to rely on much of the same institutional infrastructure that serves the overall financial system and freeload on the trust that it provides." — A homo sapien operating at a profound calorie surplus for a very long time
Pretend Bitcoin service and exchange Conbase has already blazed the path for such sentiments, charging "customers" nearly 10% of their BTC value in fees and interest per transaction. On Monday, Lloyds bank of Britain also followed suit, banning the use of credit cards to buy Bitcoin and “cryptocurrencies”, their reasoning being that customers will be unable to repay their debts due to the volatile nature of pricing.
Buttfunex Preparing For Another Insertion: Sorry For Your Loss
Buttfinex is gearing up to stuff as much SFYL into their USD "Tether" platform as possible according to a recent post on their blog. The company states that they are "excited to announce the forthcoming launch of Tether USD tokens as an ERC20 token on the Ethereum network" and will be "working with the TREZOR development community to complete the integration for Tether USD" on the trezor hardware wallet, giving the device something else to phone home about. The post went on to address concerns regarding the company's solvency, balking at releasing the full range of audits as they "were not in a form suitable for public consumption". Information for the Taiwan-based auditing firm TOPSUN CPAs & Co. listed in the post, which they claimed handled the audits, could not be found. (archived)
Fake News Still Stoking Loser's Delusions
Hillary Clinton announced in an interview on the "CBS Sunday Morning" show that she would not be seeking the Democratic party presidential nomination in 2020 following her humiliating defeat which was cemented on June 16, 2016. The Pantsuit admitted that her loss "still is very painful. It hurts a lot" and says she intended to remain involved in politics for the time being in other capacities. Clinton is currently slated to embark upon a nationwide tour to promote her book What Happened which attempts to explain her personal SFYL.
US Serf Recorder Equifax Hacked
Consumer credit Indenture reporting firm Equifax announced on Thursday that they were hacked sometimes between May and July, and that the personal data of up to 143 million people1 in the U.S. was liberated. The information for some U.K. and Canadian residents was exposed as well. The company says they became aware of the breach on July 29 of this year, and hired an undisclosed cybersecurity firm to investigate. News of the breach, which could be one of the biggest in the U.S. ever, caused Equifax shares to fall 5.4% in after-market trading.
This is roughly half of them. ↩