Category Archives: Altcoins

Ether Huffing, "RobinHood", And Suicide Hotlines – A Shitcoin Roundup

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Ether huffers continue to persist in their delusion they can build a "DAO", nearly four years after it was revealed the platform is irreparably broken. The developers behind "MakerDAO" are still scrambling to minimize the SFYL after "network congestion" caused prices updates to lag and so permitted enterprising individuals to swipe over $4 million USD in ETH from users participating in the scheme (archived). Continue reading →

fiat/Bitcoin Interfaces Report Sharp Gains For USD Despite US Market Weakening

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As strong downward movement hits US markets, fiat/Bitcoin interfaces have reported substantial gains for the USD versus Bitcoin. The USD has risen to less than 5000 USD for one Bitcoin if they are to believed. Notably, this movement follows Mircea Popescu's determination that a Most Serene Republic can not actually be constructed.

Inconvenience Today: Italy Shuts Down "non-essential" Businesses, Pandemic Declared, CME Closes Trading Floor, And More SFYL

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The novel coronavirus panic is inciting ever higher levels of inconvenience:

  • Italy has declared a quarantine for the entire country and ordered all businesses with the exception of pharmacies, food markets, and selected "essential" factories shuttered until at least March 25th (archived).
  • The "World Health Organization" declared the spread of the novel coronavirus a pandemic.
  • The Chicago Mercantile Exchange will be closing its trading floor after the close of business Friday (archived).
  • The NCAA "March Madness" basketball games will be closed to fans (archived).
  • US stocks continue suffering: DJIA down 5.86%, S&P 500 down 4.89%, and NASDAQ down 4.7% (archived)
  • A "containment zone" has been set up surrounding New Rochelle, New York's seventh largest "city" after racking up 178 confirmed cases and at least 1000 in quarantine following synagogue exposure to the local patient zero (archived)

Circuit Breakers And Blood – Fiat Markets Open With Losses

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The losses that started with Asian markets opening continued as European and North American markets opened leading to "circuit breaker" trading halts as stock indexes fell faster than fiat market operators could deign to tolerate (archived). Italian markets have been hit particularly hard as the novel coronavirus has managed to thrive there leading to the quarantine of 15 regions.  In the past 20 years, only the reopening of the NYSE in the aftermath of 9/11 and October 23rd, 2008 rival the S&P 500 ETF's opening losses today. Sorry for your loss.

Control Of "Steem" Altcoin Network Successfully Sold Despite Challenger

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Yu Chen Sun (WoT:nonperson), former Ripple “Chief Representative” in China and student of “failure education” based Hupan University, faced an attempted rape of his recently purchased Steem pre-mine on Sunday (archived, archived, archived, archived).

He executed in cooperation with the Poloniex, Binance, and Huobi exchanges Monday a counter-rape using the Steem staked on those exchanges and regained control of his altcoin's network (archived).

Steem, created by Daniel Larimer (WoT:nonperson) in 2016, was last raped that same year. Although Sun can now change the “decentralized” altcoin seemingly at will, he has announced no plans that would prevent future rapes.

Bitstamp Plays With Novelty Segwit Only Bech32 Addresses

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Bitstamp has annouced the addition of novelty segwit only Bech32 addresses to their platform (archived). Segwit involves cleaving the ever important transaction signatures from inclusion in Bitcoin blocks through a set of rules precariously enforced at the convenience of miners. With the signatures cleaved, transactions opting for the lower segwit security standard feature a space saving "spend by anyone" script when added to the Bitcoin blockchain. Continue reading →