Category Archives: Altcoins

Nth French Republic Sending Tourists To Belgium For Death

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In an attempt to ease the pain of the lost business from folks who can no longer stand the stench of the Nth Republic centred in Al-Paris, Brugmann University hospital’s Michele Morret-Rauis wants to assure the world that all is well :

Of course, Belgium is not here to euthanize half the planet.

Of course! If half the planet lived under the unbearable burden of multicultural socialism, then maybe, but thankfully that's not the case, and only Europe and the Americas1 are so offensively afflicted. Nonetheless, "euthanasia tourists" are flocking to Belgium in droves, with assisted suicides doubling to 2`023 in the last five years alone, nearly half of which are French (archived). Rest in Peace in our Time.

  1. Or just ~2/7 billion homo sapiens on Earth. ↩

Github Enforces USG.NSA Copyright And Other Lols, Roundup Xtend'd

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Following the initial announcement of "Shadow Broker's" (WOT:nonpeople) planned auction of alleged NSA surveillance tools and miscellanea, further lulz emerged. Here they are Roundup Xtend'd:

  1. Github effectively and proactively enforced a potential copyright claim by the United States National Security Agency by booting the information off their platform.
  2. Numerous media outlets are skirting around where the goods came from by tenaciously using the "Equation Group" moniker for the group with which the tools originated.
  3. The issue of whether the teasers offered of the goods for sale are novel or rehashes of previous leaks has not yet been definitively established given the sheer amount that has been leaked already.
  4. A suggested price of One Million Bitcoin has been floating around. The price, which represents a substantial percentage of the best money's monetary mass, reeks of insanity and a deep povertree of the sort that makes a supposed person incapable of market participation.

Sorry for your lols.

Buterin's Previous Waterfall Exposed

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Today's altcorn report is brought to us by Gregory Maxwell, who earlier today in a reddit post outed Vitalik Butterin as mastermind of a quantum computer simulation scam. (archived) Maxwell stated

Vitalik's project immediately before Ethereum is that he was collecting investments from people to fund building a computer program to solve NP-complete problems in polynomial time.

No flaming tire in a shipit ever ascended from investor monies, furthering proof that Buterin worked hard at producing vaporware long before pushing the Ether huffing scam.

There May Be Lulz

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A hacking group known as Shadow Brokers announced Monday they were going to auction an assortment of stolen surveillance tools purportedly used by NSA hackers. The group released code samples to boost veracity of their claims, the National Security Agency naturally witholding comment on the subject. Security experts offered mixed opinions on the existence of the malware, and the hackers only said the auction would end at a specified time. (archived) Peace in our specified time.

Dicamba Disaster Continues Destruction

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As the story of the Dicamba Disaster in the United States begins finally reaching mainstream media outlets, the St Louis Post Dispatch brings us news that Dicamba Drift has threatened Missouri's largest peach orchard (archived). Two hundred and fifty acres of the orchard's peach trees are already irreparably harmed and as the damage continues to show that number could double by next spring as the injury progresses.1

Dicamba has been around since 1942. Until this year it had largely survived in its humble role as that thing you add as a tiny fraction of a percent to your tank mix as a little kicker to beat back broadleaf weeds. What it did, what it didn't do, and why it stayed that tiny fraction were established. Why it stayed the tiny fraction is that dicamba is volatile and the dicamba that doesn't get absorbed and bound will vaporize and spread.

The ascendancy of Roundup Ready in the 1990's inspired much panic. "Genetic modifications AND a super herbicide?" Glyphosate however turned out to be a kitten with the surfactants mixed with it carrying a greater hazard to fauna than the herbicide itself, flora was still fucked though.2

Monsanto opened a pandora's box with their latest offering, because when you offer desperate farmers soybeans that won't suffer any losses with two herbicides those farmers are getting as much mileage out of those two herbicides as they can. Bad behavior becomes mandatory, because fuck that other family's peach orchard which took a generation to grow. Also no one cares about the other stands of mature trees yellowing, defoliating, and in clear decline.3

It would likely have not made things much better even if Monsanto released their "less volatile" dicamba with the seeds4 so long as other people were selling classic Dicamba preparations for less. The competition between agriculture and chemistry is leaning decidedly in chemistry's favor with crops outside of the limited Monsanto supplied corns and alt-corns becoming environmentally impracticable. US agriculture at this point appears to on track to become a fiefdom of tort law in the same way US medicine is by this time next year. This is the story of your loss and imazapyr resistant crops can't come soon enough (archived).

  1. And even in the absence of further dicamba applications nearby it will continue to progress.  ↩

  2. But only if the glyphosate solution actually made contact with foliage.  ↩

  3. This phenomena is pointedly NOT limited to the portions of the Ozarks that US based media is suggesting it to be. ↩

  4. It seems likely they anticipated the destruction and didn't want their preparation taking the blame.  ↩

The "Your Loss" Playbook

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Before we at Qntra can be sorry for your loss, someone else has to bake your loss first.When a "business" decides to live at the intersection of Bitcoin money and fiat currencies your loss tends to follow the same few steps. There may be a few variation on these steps depending on whether your chosen loser is BitInstant, MtGox, Mcxnow, Homero Garza, Buterin,1 or Bitfinex.

  1. Make, buy, or steal a thing to be calling your business. If you are a true pioneer like Intersango you make it. You buy it if you are Mt Gox or Butterfly Labs. If you are Bitfinex you just straight up steal it.2
  2. You start making noise. If you are Trendon Shavers you recruit "privileged insiders" to do your selling. If you are Butterfly Labs you buy a bunch of advertising. If you are Homero Garza you buy advertising from all the media outlets and do a bit of the privileged insider thing.
  3. You build some history for either spectacular returns and reliability. You paper over the complaints with lies and declarations of "This is just how we do things" to justify the insanity. You lean on your loyal bought and paid for noisemakers3 to toe your party line.
  4. Your Loss, we are sorry.4
  5. When the complaints get too loud the payment processor and all manner of accessories to the scheme start getting scapegoated. Mt Gox had Dwolla. BitInstant had numerous payment processors to blame. At this point the existence of the loss is clear, but some effort is made to conceal the loss is yours.
  6. Tokens! A market for them! See MtGox Bitcoins on Bitcoin Builder, BFX Tokens on Bitfinex, and the entire Paycoin scheme that emerged when GAW could no longer hold up the pretense of mining.
  7. The pretense is suddenly lifted. Every one is sorry for your loss.

History rhymes and this is the story of your losses. Just like the various color revolutions, your loss follows a pattern. We're sorry.

  1. The various altcoin scams invariably end up actually being fiat/Bitcoin interface scams when the scammers need to eat off of customer deposits and pimp their rides. ↩

  2. preferably from another scam that too moribund to care at the time  ↩

  3. Roger Ver and Andreas Derpolopolis are very popular and affordable choices.  ↩

  4. The steps following this case can be skipped in the event of Trendon Shavers  ↩

Popular Voting Machine Hacked With Seals Intact, Plays Pacman

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J. Alex Halderman, professor of computer science and engineering at the University of Michigan, has modified a Sequoia AVC-Edge DRE voting machine to play classic video game Pac-Man. The machines were in widespread use in parts of Louisiana, Missouri, Nevada, and Virginia, according to the manufacturer Verified Voting. Instead of "using the machines to steal votes" they decide to use a MAME emulator to play the popular arcade game. The machines have 486 SLE processor and 32 MB of RAM, and runs MS-DOS as it OS. The professor said the machine was last used in the 2008 Williamsburg, Virginia primary elections, and was part of a pair sold for $100. Halderman further indicated the machine can indeed run linux as well, leaving open the possibility for a wider array of future projects.

Bitfinex Freezes US Customer Accounts Following Another Loss

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Reports are emerging that Bitfinex account holders in the United States have had their accounts frozen. They are powerless to trade and more importantly withdraw funds from Bitfinex. The present scapegoat appears to be a dispute between Bitfinex and the payment provider Synapse pay who services their United States customers. A loss is allegedly at the center of this dispute. Sorry for yours.

Not Quite News Roundup Xtend (TM)(R)

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Welcome to the Qntra Not quite News Roundup Xtend (TM)(R). Below are collected things that happened this week which did not independently achieve newsworthiness:

  • The United States Marshalls service announced another auction, this time only ~3 Bitcoins constituting the pot were stolen from Ross Ulbrict. The remainder come from other cases.
  • Gawker Media has celebrated their last week before becoming part of Ziff Davis by pantomiming the high school tradition of "Senior Week" and by opening an online "Men's Magazine" called "The Cuck." The Cuck's first post was:

    The Politics of Sitting Down To Pee

  • Bitfinex reopened trading as was planned. Trading included their non-consensual debt instrument.
  • Tradehill's Jared Kenna opened yet another Bitcoin "dark trading" pool.
  • Coinbase has continued their apology and solvency tour repeatedly offering that the number of Classic Ethereum tokens they lost was 40,000 United States dollars, a number denominated in a unit other than that of the actual things they lost.
  • The Huffington Post's David Seaman started off a round of Herpity Derping that supposes Barry Silbert did Ethereum Classic.
  • Barry Silbert's Coindesk announced plans to double its staff (archived).