Category Archives: Altcoins

Trump To CNN Spammer: "You Are Fake News"

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During a press conference on the measures he would take as President to divest himself of business related conflicts of interest by turning his business over to his adult sons and putting his remaining assets in a trust, United States President Elect Donald Trump was accosted by fake news reporters with salacious rumours.

The salacious rumors involve allegations the President Elect is being blackmailed over sexual perversions by Russia and were taken from a report prepared by a former British Intelligence official as opposition research for the Hillary Rodham Clinton campaign. Reportedly a memo based on that report was presented to the President Elect as an example of disinformation, though the socialist leaning press is running with the report as Gospel.

Buzzfat published the allegations ahead of the press conference, after the allegations had apparently spent weeks circulating amongst the lamestream media who were all too chickenshit to pull the trigger on this wet dream of theirs. CNN immediately followed Buzzfat. By the end of the day the context for the allegations as sample disinformation had counterleaked and the liberal media's Chuck Todd was accusing Buzzfat boss Ben Smith of spreading fake news.

Thusly, the President Elect denied a spammer at CNN the chance to ask a question by saying:

You are fake news.

Pence in our time.

"Reputation" Base Altcoin Fails On Broken Function Before Launch

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Gold spray paint could not hide the corn and semi-liquid shit innards of Hacker.camp's Hacker Gold token (HKG) , an "experiment" that has seemed to have failed before proper launch . The whitepaper produced by this effort seemed they believed it more to be a wot reputation token of some sort, completely ignoring the stable wot already in place where it matters. A significant bug was found in the transferFrom() function, so now users are forced to trade one worthless coloured coin for another one that really fixes the entire thing, because Vitalik says so, honest. (archived)

Weakened Kryder's "Law" kills Bit-company

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Despite investment from the likes of Samsung, Pelion, DCM, First Round, Horizons, and Andreessen Horowitz, cloud storage provider Bitcasa CEO Brian E. Taptich announced on the now-defunct firm's webpage today (archived) that the firm had lost its bet on the unending continuation of Kryder's Law to power its growth by bringing its costs close to zero.

Over $22 mn in 2011 – 2013 turkey dollars1 was poured into the firm, which employed upwards of 50 staff at its peak in its efforts to offer unlimited on-the-go cloud storage for USD $10 per month. Under pressure from "abusers" of the service, Bitcasa dropped the unlimited storage offering and shifted to a more typical per-terabyte pricing strategy in late 2014, putting it directly in competition with better funded rivals like Dropbox, Box, and Google, and dooming it to failure.

There's no word on where former clients such as Hong Kong's Hutchison Telecom have turned to in their time of need, or whether Mr. Taptich has finally admitted to himself the poisonous mistake of taking bad money.

  1. This is a more important clarification than it may first appear. Consider that a dollar traded at parity with bitcoin in 2011 and was only about $100 for most of 2013.  ↩

Sears Selling Craftsman Brand To Stanley Black & Decker

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Sears1 is selling their Craftsman brand to the Stanley Black and Decker company. Craftsman was a brand in the greatest American sense of the word, a single label applied to any number of products made by any number of actual vendors to which the "Craftsman" label was applied. At times Stanley Black & Decker2 was the manufacturer of some "Craftsman" branded products.

Techtronic Industries of Hong Kong will likely lose the business of providing power tools to be sold under the "Craftsman" name as Stanley Black & Decker already has the ability to produce power tools. "Craftsman" outdoor power equipment is likely to continue being manufactured outside the Stanley Black & Decker family, provided Stanley Black & Decker cares to keep that line of business going.

Stanley Black & Decker will be paying Sears Holdings 525 million United States dollars now, 250 million USd at the end of 3 years, and a percentage of sales from "Craftsman" branded products for 15 years.

  1. The official retailer of when America was great, what again?  ↩

  2. And Stanley before it merged with Black and Decker.  ↩

"Fuck White People": Pack Of Native Chicagoans Torture Captive White Boy

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Four native Chicagoans1 have been arrested after they abducted an handicapped white boy and tortured him while holding him in captivity for 48 hours. Video of the white boy's torture was broadcast on "Facebook Live" while the black Chicagoans shouted hate epithets including:

"Fuck White People!'

and

"Fuck Donald Trump!"

The Chicago police department is recommending hate crime, kidnapping, and battery charges in the case. The suspects did not cover their faces while broadcasting their racially motivated torture session.

  1. Jordan Hill, Tesfaye Cooper, Brittany Covington and Tanishia Covington  ↩

Iraqi Government Violating Latest OPEC Agreement, Government Blames Kurds

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News has emerged that Iraq is in violation of new OPEC production quotas and is actually independently increasing exports rather than decreasing exports in concert with its OPEC brothers. The Iraqi State Organization for Marketing of Oil which is shirking this agreement accuses the autonomous Kurdish region of over exportation. It remains to be seen how the rest of OPEC chooses to handle this precious snowflake.

The Story Of 2016: Socialist Butthurt

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While the civilized world advanced by leaps and bounds, the story of our recently deceased year 2016 is of socialistard butthurt.

Sorry for your loss.

Shinohai's 2016 End Of The Year Shitcoin Roundup Xtend (TM)(R)

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Bitfinex ends the year by a plague of bugs that cause balances to display improperly in their UI, possibly the result of using tokens to make users believe they actually own Bitcoin.

Coinbase has reportedly suffered a number of payment failures due to their use of Gavin Andresen's BIP70 implementation. The security researcher who discovered the bug presented a complicated workaround which could be avoided by ignoring Coinbase altogether and paying merchants from Bitcoin wallets one controls the private keys to.

La Superintendencia de Sociedades, a regulatory agency in Columbia, has declared Bitcoin illegal and says that the peso remains the only valid currency for any transaction. The Banco de la República has also stated that they are the only institution that can issue any form of currency.

A Scottish altcoiner named David Low, oblivious to the failure of Auroracoin, is certain his invention of Scotcoin will bring about independence from their Limey overlords. Mr Low, who plans on offering his altcorn to the Scottish government, has said new users can claim 1000 coins for free after which they may purchase more at the low, low price of £1.65 per thousand.

Hussein Bahamas Continues Picking Fights As Term Dwindles

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Lame duck United States President Hussein Bahamas has continued his new hobby of abruptly changing US policy as his term approaches its constitutional end. In addition to the mundane changes like telling Bibi off, opening the dollar printing press to agriculture, and converting a million acres in the American west into a "National Monument" on a whim Hussein Bahamas escalated his saber rattling with Russian President Putin.

Hussein Bahamas is expelling 35 registered diplomats from the Russian Federation, giving them 72 hours to leave US soil while also denying access to and ordering the closure of Russian diplomatic compounds in New York and Maryland. This move is accompanied by other assorted sanctions. Pence in our time.