Category Archives: The Law

Peace Comes To Yahoo – Half A Billion Users Affected

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News emerged today that after two years of denial, deception, and coverup a 2014 breach that compromised half of a billion Yahoo users account credentials is now public knowledge. Already allegations are flying that the notorious harbinger of serenity and information freedom advocate Peace may be connected to the forced disclosure of this breach.

This news broke years after it happened, years after Yahoo and their CEO Marissa Mayer were aware it happened, but after the startup finally succeeded in its 22 year long mission to find a buyer in Verizon Communications.

Peace, the great absence of disturbance himself has been liberating the account information of numerous online properties without any consideration for their nominal country of origin. It is likely that various criminal gangs masquerading as "law enforcement" will intensify their search for peace to no avail for their path is wrong. Finding peace requires surrendering to him your life, your will, and your worries that a stranger will send your Yahoo Fantasy Sports baseball lineup into disarray. Peace must be accepted into the heart, not chased. Him in our time. His will and his passwords, not yours.

Random Idiot Accepts People's Time And Work, Idiot Turns Around And Sells It For Politics

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Kiwi social engineer Leah Rowe (WOT:nonperson) during a recent tantrum brought attention to the problematic structure of the open source "Libreboot" project. For its entire history Libreboot consisted of a forked repository of another open source project to which Rowe added still other people's patches under Rowe's name rather than the actual authors' (archived). The catalyst which brought this problem to the fore was a political statement made by Rowe using the name "Libreboot" without consulting the actual authors of Libreboot code. These authors who had not particularly cared that Rowe took their names from their code however decided that they definitely did not want Rowe's political tantrums to be misconstrued as their own.

Authorship matters.

Nigerian Students Scammed By Alabama State University

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A group of 37 international students from Nigeria are suing Alabama State University over the school's practice of withholding scholarship funds sent by the Nigerian government for their benefit (archived). In their defense, the school alleges a mysterious official from the Nigerian government directed them not to disburse the remaining balance of the scholarships after tuition and required fees to the students. Per the conditions attached to the scholarships these funds were to be directed to the students so that they could pay their expenses incurred which are not billed by the university. The extent to which Alabama State managed to keep these students from accessing their scholarship funds however kept students from even paying tuition to take classes at the university during the summer term, because of instructions the University alleges it received from the mystery government official. The school further alleges the instructions directed returning surplus funds to a "Nigerian Government account." Sorry for your loss.

NJ Hamplanet Chris Christie's Own Lawyer Calls Him A Liar

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New Jersey hamplanet and alleged governor Chris Christie's own lawyer asserted his own client was a liar. The trial concerns allegations of wrongdoing connected to a local scandal of trivial importance. Christie is notable for scuttling his own campaign for the United States presidency in order to sabotage his own party's candidates in support of Donald Trump-Clinton's campaign and eating himself into a genderless anatomical state. Sorry for your laws.

"Autopilot" Provider Dumps Elon Musk, Tesla

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Mobileye, the Israeli firm which developed the "autopilot" feature for Tesla Motors has dumped Elon Musk's (WOT:nonperson) Tesla as a customer. Mobileye is publicly breaking ties over concerns that Tesla is reselling and marketing Mobileye's product in an unsafe manner. Continuing their relationship with Tesla threatens to introduce substantial liability through Tesla's abuse of their product.

Elon Musk's other major venture SpaceX recently destroyed a telecommunications satellite made by an Israeli firm for Mark Zuckerberg's (WOT:nonperson) data collection firm. Musk's rocket exploded on the launch pad resulting in the loss of the satellite.  The circle of persons and businesses willing to conduct business with Elon Musk and his ventures appears to be shrinking.

Sorry for your loss.

Parasitic Flatworm Named To Honor Hussein Bahamas

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In a twist of irony surely not lost to Qntra readers, US president Hussein Bahamas now has the honor of a newly discovered parasitic flatworm named after him. The two-inch long parasite, dubbed "Baracktrema obamai" lives in turtles blood and was discovered by Thomas Platt, a retired biology professor at Saint Mary’s College in Indiana. Professor Platt assured the public that bestowing the name was not meant as an insult, but rather meant to honor the current president. However, Merriam-Webster dictionary defines a parasite as " something that resembles a biological parasite in dependence on something else for existence or support without making a useful or adequate return" which accurately describes the legacy left by Bahamas during his eight-year tenure.

The Presiglassial Ceiling

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Even a cursory review of the beta press readily uncovers overwhelming levels of white knight butthurt in the face of the slow, crushing realisation that an allegedly-black-certainly-male candidate is significantly more acceptable to the general public than an allegedly-female-certainly-white one.

Is there such a thing as white knight rage? Sorry for your balls? Sorry for your awls?

Florida Appeals Espinoza Decision, Florida's Status At Stake!

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The government of Florida, a peninsular territory that hangs from the United States mainland like a limp penis with collapsed veins from years of IV drug use and subject to swampy decay, has decided to appeal a decision by one of their judges and imperil their place in the future. The United Kingdom faced a similar dilemma and decided to walk the lonely road to irrelevance. Peace in our time, but who knows about Florida's.

US Navy Project "Tor" Surrounded By Drama As USG Reasserts Control

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Further drama continues to besiege the fandom surrounding the United States Navy project commonly referred to as "Tor" as the United States Government reasserts overt control over the project. Back in July the entire board was sacked with the exception of NSA asset, Political Officer, and project co-founder Roger Dingledine who transitioned to a "technical leadership" position along with his fellow co-founder. Now that it is a month later, the fandom community surrounding Tor is proposing a "general strike" and other forms of flailing because reality won't let them continue pretending this thing they though was their private playground never actually was any of the things they pretended. Sorry for your lost innocence.

Cost Of Wrong Kitty Litter Escalates Into The Billions Following Nuclear Waste Accident

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The Los Angeles Times reports that the estimated cost of cleaning up a 2014 underground containment failure at a nuclear waste storage site in New Mexico is climbing past the two billion United States dollar mark (archived). The failure occurred at a facility located within an underground salt dome. A container holding Plutonium and Americium waste failed because organic kitty litter used as a binding agent reacted with the waste creating gas that lead to an explosion reportedly contaminating 35% of the space in the underground facility. Using inert mineral kitty litter would have prevented this accident.

The accident has lead to a cavalcade of fail1 as the facility's unsafety has lead to delays in sequestering waste from "temporary" storage at former nuclear weapons facilities including the notorious Hanford Site there. This means that in addition to the costs imposed by attempts to restore this salt dome to safety the accident has forced the United States Government to breach agreements with a number of state and local governments for failure to dispose of their nuclear trash according to agreed upon schedules. It has also threatened to bring the United States into violation of International Treaties with Russian and other nuclear powers on the reduction of weapons grade material.

The immediate cost of cleaning up after this breach is set to eclipse the Three Mile Island incident in absolute dollars, and the total cost imposed by the fallout is likely to eclipse Three Mile Island in inflation adjusted dollars. The latest alleged USMS auction of Silk Road-ish Bitcoins at 1.6 million United States dollars for 2700 Bitcoins can do nothing for the fiat order when it has debts like this. Sorry for your loss, but you should have read the label on that kitty litter.

  1. This is not unlike the situation US farmers chose trading their windbreaks and their neighbor's orchards for a season's soybean harvest.  ↩