Following a short standoff with a suspect who allegedly killed 5 Dallas police officers and wounded 7, Dallas police resolved the situation by sending a bomb squad robot to the suspects location and detonating a lethal explosive killing the suspect. This drone killing followed an incident where police officers supervising a Black Lives matter protest were fired upon by one or more persons operating from elevated sniper positions.1 At a press conference today the chief of the Dallas police department confidently reported that the victim of the drone bombing expressed a desire to kill white people while disavowing membership in the "Black Lives Matter" movement. Peace in our time.
Category Archives: North America
Theranos CEO To Be Banned From Operating Lab
Theranos CEO Elizabeth Holmes (WOT:nonperson) will reportedly be banned by the United States government's Center for retiree and welfare heathcare services from operating a lab for two years.
Days Of Rain Set Corn Crop Up For Strong Finish
Substantial amounts of rain over the past several days covering largely unirrigated portions of the American Midwest has likely set the corn crop up for success in spite of the threat of a La Nina driven drought. This is bullish for America's collective transition to the Mayo gender. Between the ageing surpluses of grain accumulated over several years and the adipose tissue attached to its many hamplanets, the United States is well entrenched in an agricultural crisis driven by an uncontrolled surplus of food energy. Not only are "food" calories in the United States becoming too cheap to meter, millions of eager mouths are testing this premise. Sorry for your loss.
Avid Life Media Under FTC Investigation
Fallout from the Ashley Madison hack continues, with parent company Avid Life Media now the focus of a U.S. Federal Trade Commission investigation. CEO Rob "more could perhaps have been spent on security" Segal (WOT:nonperson) said the company is spending millions to improve zher security and did not reveal if the investigation was targeting zher use of fake profiles and fembots to lure desperate customers to the site. He offered only "That's a part of the ongoing process that we're going through … it's with the FTC right now." The company boasts they have "roughly $50 million" USD to be used for "fostering partnerships" with other dating sites.
Counterpoint: Maybe Comey Didn't Want To "Crush His Own Throat" #ClintonPrivilege
Former President of the United Nations General Assembly John Ashe (WOT:nonperson) was officially determined to have died from a heart attack even though the local police officers who initially investigated his death noted his throat had been crushed (archived). John Ashe was set to testify against Hillary Rodham-Clinton (WOT:nonperson) and is the latest casualty of Clinton privilege. Clinton privilege is known to induce "suicide" in persons who threaten the success or continued privilege of Clintons with one of its earliest known victims being Vince Foster (WOT:nonperson). These "coincidences" likely informed the FBI stooge's (WOT:nonperson) decision to make a public announcement earlier today affirming his support for Clinton privilege. Sorry for your loss.
FBI Stooge Affirms Clinton Privilege
FBI Director James Comey (WOT:nonperson) announced today that his office would be affirming Hillary Rodham Clinton's (WOT:nonperson) Clinton privilege. For the crimes of being a horrible sysadmin, running an email server which leaked US foreign policy secrets, and trying to conceal her violation of the laws concerning the handling of classified information Comey found nothing worth his pressing charges over. Never mind that David Petraeus (WOT:nonperson) , the second coming of Uncle Sam had his career destroyed over less when he faced the criminal charges. Check your1 privilege!2
Clinton ↩
No, seriously go through your ancestor's belongings to find the family tree and connect it to the Clinton family tree lest you suffer like Ross Ulbricht who had no Clinton privilege. ↩
US Plagued By Tainted Flour
Millions of pounds of flour are being recalled in the United States due to E. coli contamination. How much time did your bread spend in storage getting shat on by all manner of vermin before it became bread? If you live in the United States this year that answer is a lot of time. Eat up!
US Customs Seeks To Control Social Media Imports
A proposal from US Customs and Border Protection will ask visa applicants to reveal their social media identities, a move they claim will keep the country safer from terrorists. The announcement on thefederalregister.gov website stated "It will be an optional data field to request social media identifiers to be used for vetting purposes, as well as applicant contact information. Collecting social media data will enhance the existing investigative process and provide DHS greater clarity and visibility to possible nefarious activity and connections by providing an additional tool set which analysts and investigators may use to better analyze and investigate the case." No mention was made on how the agency plans to verify the data found within the social media profiles, seeing as terrorists will likely just make fake profiles or be in possession of multiple identities.
US Polling: Third Party Candidate Takes From Rodham-Clinton
Presidential polling in the United States shows that when Libertarian party candidate Gary Johnson (WOT:unknown/undisclosed) is included in polls he takes voters almost entirely from major socialist party candidate Hilary Rodham-Clinton's (WOT:nonperson) percentages from polls in exclude him (archived). As the Libertarian nominee Johnson and his running mate, fellow two term Governor William Weld (WOT:unknown/undisclosed) will appear on the ballot in the only poll that matters.
IRS Scraps PIN System Amid Continued "Hacks"
The United States Internal Revenue Service is scrapping their entire PIN system amid continued "attacks" which leverage the fact that "no one could have predicted" people would start simply guessing magic numbers until the IRS gave them a PIN.