An officer (WOT:nonperson) of one of the many "law enforcement" agencies associated with the United States Department of Homeland Security apparently broke today and killed people outside of the scope of its service to the criminal gang in Washington, DC. Two plainclothes "Law enforcement" officers (WOT:nonpersons) whose service to the regime was unaffected by the glitch experienced by the defective officer reportedly followed him around a shopping center for approximately an hour trying to find a polite opportunity to bring him in for maintenance.
Category Archives: Altcoins
Hoaxtoshi Breaks Promise
Today Hoaxtoshi, also known as Craig Steven Wright (WOT:nonperson), broke a promise he made earlier this week to publicly present present proof that he might be the historical Satoshi. Hoaxtoshi began the week by hoodwinking a number of high volume/low quality media outlets like the BBC and the Economist into believing he was Satoshi by taking an early transaction from the blockchain and presenting its parts ordered in such a way as to fake the act of signing with a key awarded an early coinbase transaction. The exact words he presented are:
I’m Sorry
I believed that I could do this. I believed that I could put the years of anonymity and hiding behind me. But, as the events of this week unfolded and I prepared to publish the proof of access to the earliest keys, I broke. I do not have the courage. I cannot.When the rumors began, my qualifications and character were attacked. When those allegations were proven false, new allegations have already begun. I know now that I am not strong enough for this.
I know that this weakness will cause great damage to those that have supported me, and particularly to Jon Matonis and Gavin Andresen. I can only hope that their honour and credibility is not irreparably tainted by my actions. They were not deceived, but I know that the world will never believe that now. I can only say I’m sorry.
And goodbye.
Which exactly fits the scammer modus operandi of claiming their emotional fragility on par with the contemporary northeastern liberal arts student makes solving the problem they claim they are easily equipped to solve "too hard" on an emotional level.
Next US President To Be A Clinton
With Cowboy Ted Cruz dropping out of the race for the GOP nomination tonight Donald Trump-Clinton (WOT:nonperson) is virtually assured the nomination of the United States' minor socialist party. This combined with the major socialist party's rigged contest favoring Hillary Rodham Clinton (WOT:nonperson, aliases include Clitler) means that the successor to Hussein Bahamas (WOT:nonperson) is assured to be a Clinton. It also means that that the next US president will go into office with an existing horrible resume as a sysadmin. Peace in our time.
USG Stockpile Of Petrocheese Hits New High
As prices for dairy products continue to sink in the United States numerous sources are reporting the criminal gang in Washington DC claiming to govern has a stockpile of American (Petro)cheese and the hoard's size has hit a new all time high at 1.2 billion pounds. Each pound of Petrocheese contains 1685 kilocalories of "food" energy. If the stockpile were release to public markets all at once it would have the potential of adding approximately 577,714,286 further pounds of adipose tissue to the Obeast and TransMayo problem in the United States. Because of the peculiar ways Petrocheese varies from actual cheese including its tendency to merely dry out instead ageing, the entire Petrocheese stockpile is being kept in cold storage.
Qntra Correspondent Infiltrates Trump-Clinton Luncheon
Arriving at the Hyatt Regency Airport Hotel via UberX at roughly 8:00 AM I was quickly cleared by hotel staff to cross the police line around the hotel and enter into the main lobby. The California Republican Convention was kicking off here today, and "TRUS-TED" (dash added) posters plastered all walls, along with an occasional Kasich poster. After waiting in three different lines, I obtained a lanyard and Donald Trump-Clinton luncheon ticket and immediately began waiting in another much longer line to be cleared by a Secret Service agent. Continue reading
US Congress Considers Expanding Authority Of Bureaucratic Magistrates
Neatly mirroring the decaying implementation of Justice in the Soviet Union fifty years prior, The United States Congress is considering changing the Federal Rules of Criminal Procedure in a way that greatly favors police and prosecutors. Chief among this changes is broadening the authority of sub-judicial magistrate "judges" (functionally they are police station gonzos, working mostly as police detectives) to issue warrants and have their warrants recognized outside of their immediate jurisdiction. Due to their para-judicial role indented to supplement actual judges magistrates have traditionally had their limited authority end at the border of their immediate district's borders. The proposed changes are presented in full below: Continue reading
New Vatican Bank Scandal: Coinbase Style Account Closures
Tommaso Di Ruzza, director of the Vatican's Financial Information Authority, announced the completion of a 3-year investigation into the Institute of Religious Works bank, resulting in the closure of nearly 5000 accounts. Pope Benedict XVI established the FIA in 2010 as a way to prevent church accounts being used for undesirable purposes. Account holders in the past have included reputed members of the mafia, although the Vatican has stated publicly it could not identify 1000's of account holders or their connection to the church and it's charitable missions. At the time of the writing of this article, no one has been indicted or prosecuted as the result of evidence uncovered during the investigations.
Politically Inclined Serial Child Molester Gets 15 Months In Prison
Former United States Speaker of the House and second in the line of succession for the Presidency Dennis Hastert admitted during a sentencing hearing today that as a wrestling coach he would molest grappling students that he found in the locker room alone. In the time since Hastert left coaching high school grappling he went on to have a second career in politics reaching one of the highest elected offices in the criminal gang based in Washington DC which professes to govern the United States. One grappler upon whom Hastert lewdly imposed his sexual will in the locker room is now reportedly a successful banking executive in his fifties while another died from AIDS during the 1990's. Hastert's 15 month sentence is more than twice the six month sentence recommended by federal prosecutors and far less than Ross Ulbricht's life sentence and 183,961,921 United States dollar fine for trying to do the tech startup thing. The former locker room predator arrived in a wheel chair having become elderly and suffering a stroke in the decades after moving on from the job which allowed him to hunt strapping young men.
It is unknown how many children recent house speakers Newt Gingrich, Nancy Pelosi, John Boehner, or current speaker Paul Ryan may have molested.
Socialist Cuts Jobs On Campaign Trail
Acknowledging his campaign to derail a Clinton coronation at the Major United States Socialist Party's national convention isn't in the best of health, Bernie Sanders today announced that he would be "laying off" a number of paid campaign staff members. In socialism everyone is equally without worth and equally unpaid. Sorry for your loss.
Millennials, Apple Reject Capitalism Together
Organs of the Washinton Post bring us dire news on the fate of "Millennials" and the holding company burning the legacy of the late Apple Computer, Inc. A majority of millennials in the United States that responded to a survey have expressed opposition to capitalism. Meanwhile the consumer electronics company selling1 iPnohes and other iCrap has experienced its first year over year sales decline in 13 years. Sorry for your loss.
But not manufacturing, Foxconn does that ↩