As prices for dairy products continue to sink in the United States numerous sources are reporting the criminal gang in Washington DC claiming to govern has a stockpile of American (Petro)cheese and the hoard's size has hit a new all time high at 1.2 billion pounds. Each pound of Petrocheese contains 1685 kilocalories of "food" energy. If the stockpile were release to public markets all at once it would have the potential of adding approximately 577,714,286 further pounds of adipose tissue to the Obeast and TransMayo problem in the United States. Because of the peculiar ways Petrocheese varies from actual cheese including its tendency to merely dry out instead ageing, the entire Petrocheese stockpile is being kept in cold storage.