Category Archives: Altcoins

Not Quite News Roundup Xtend 8

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Welcome to the eighth edition of the Qntra Not Quite News Roundup Xtend (TM)(R). The below events are alleged to have happened, but they are decidedly innocent of newsworthiness.

  • The only point of contention from the first United States presidential debate which persisted in mainstream discussion through the end of the week was an accusation that twenty years ago Donald Trump-Clinton fatshamed a beauty contest winner after she rapidly put on weight post contest. The weight gain was in violation of a contract which stipulated that while holding the contest's title the winner must continue to carry the shape of a beauty contest winner.
  • Hillary Rodham-Clinton was discovered to have alleged that many young American leftists were basement dwellers on tape. This follows her putting the few remaining working Americans into a basket labelled deplorables during the weekend her legs buckled at Ground Zero.
  • The developers behind the UnlimitedSpamCoin fork are allegedly distributing "research grants" in order to reward efforts to discover just how much spam they can harbor in the event they manage to fork their desired altcoin off of the Bitcoin blockchain.
  • Chronically troubled transaction intermediary Purse.io released a javascript library purporting to be for use with Bitcoin through deficiencies without possible remedy in javascript developers, runtimes, and the language itself render javascript especially unsuitable for applications touching Bitcoin.
  • An oddly specific prediction alleging a future Bitcoin price in the 800 United States dollar per coin range has been circulating with enthusiasm through certain outlets alleging they report Bitcoin news. As the prices reported on fiat/Bitcoin interfaces are notoriously weak in their relationship to reality it is likely this price will appear on such an interface at some point eventually. It is similarly likely that because numbers are so unfair one of these interfaces will at some point report "magenta" as a price.
  • Silbert and others are dumping capital into an Indian venture dubbed "Unocoin" as self declared "Venture Capitalists" turn their attentions to the birthplace of bureaucracy.
  • The criminal payment of a sex offender for babysitting services by the still more criminal gang in Springfield, Illinois came to public attention after the sex offender kidnapped his 13 year old stepdaughter and her infant son who he may have fathered (archived). He fled to rural West Virginia where he was likely lured by the popular myth that recursive familial relationships were more openly accepted there, but instead he was arrested.
  • Rumours are circulating that Deutsche Bank will soon be saying Auf Wiedersehen to solvency.

Sorry for your loss.

Criminal Gang In DC Passes Another Resolution To Continue Spending

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An ensemble of criminals in Washington, DC popularly referred to as the "United States House of Representatives" yesterday passed yet another in a long series of "continuing resolutions" where they resolved to continue spending imaginary play money (archived). This now routine development buys these criminals more time to continue conducting their illegitimate business with the numerous accessories and accomplices to their criminal empire. Sorry for your loss.

US Sports Team Loses Bidding War To Russian Sports Team For Sportsman

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For the third consecutive year Avanguard Omsk has outbid the Saint Louis Blues for the affections of Czech ice hockey player Vladimir Sobotka. Over the past two years the Blues have tried to cast Sobotka's choice to participate in the Kontinental Hockey League club Avanguard as a "development" move allowing Sobotka more playing time to hone his skills "back home"1 when the simple fact is they've been beat at the money game.

For decades the extravagant spending of the advertising industry in the United States allowed American spectator sports teams to enjoy their pick of top players from the international market, but as the United States continues to become concretely poorer in absolute terms decisions like Vladimir Sobotka's are likely to become more common among sportsmen.

  1. Omsk is in Siberia which is not Sobotka's temperate Czech homeland. Siberia is inside Russia, and Russia is far enough from the Czech Republic that the two separate countries do not share any borders.  ↩

ClassicCoin Supplanted By UnlimitedSpamCoin As Social Engineer's Forking Brand

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The social engineering effort to fork an altcoin from the Bitcoin blockchain has changed branding yet again. This time the social engineers are beginning to push the idea of creating an altcoin based on the "Unlimited" Bitcoin network client, which was originally created to follow altcoin forks from the Bitcoin network triggered by other clients. Following the  previous GavInsurrections including the failed XTCoin and underwhelming ClassicCoin coups, this latest rehash of an argument that was a non-starter from the beginning offers even less justification than its predecessors.

This latest adventure has three major public drivers:

  1. Roger Ver1 (WOT:nonperson) is continuing his long march from sanity and notably refuses to surrender his will and life to powers greater than himself, especially Bitcoin.
  2. Roger Ver continues abusing and libelling the name of Bitcoin as part of his personal branding in an effort to wantonly and maliciously confuse the uniformed. His latest transgression is the -EV proposition he dubbed "The Bitcoin.com Mining Pool."
  3. Notorious transmayogendered hamplanet and serial fraudster Marshall Long (WOT:nonperson)has yet to complete his life's mission of eating himself to death.

The actual reference Bitcoin network client remains largely unchanged and though refinements continue network consensus rules are unchanged. Accept no substitute for the real deal.

  1. His recent travels to the United States after an acrimonious public divorce strongly suggests Ver has gone stoolie.  ↩

Record High Pumpkin Harvest On The Way

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Commercial growers report a record high Illinois1 pumpkin harvest appears to be on the way this fall. This follows last year's pathetic crop which was marred by fungal blight with many of these fall squash to approach maturity rotting on the vine. Last year's pumpkin crop in the United Kingdom faced further challenges in the form of extortion.

As is traditional with niche crops in the fiat system the commercial pumpkin crop in its near entirety is grown under contract for a division of Nestle S.A. allowing growers to escape the uncertainty of market pricing and instead bet their entire farm on the season's yield. Soy for your loss.

  1. Contracting out the entire commercial pumpkin crop to one region greatly simplifies logistics for Nestle. This is a serious concern given the fragility of commercial pumpkins prior to processing.  ↩

Refugee Death Displaces Electoral Noise From US National Conversation On Eve Of Debate

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For nearly the entirety of September 25th, the day before the first debate between Donald Trump-Clinton and Hillary Rodham-Clinton news media in the United States toned down their production of electoral noise to mourn the death of a refugee. The body of Cuban refugee Jose Fernandez was recovered from an overturned boat that came to rest on a jetty off of Miami Beach around 3:30 am. Two other people were killed in the accident, but they have neither been named nor triggered a day of national mourning.1 Rest in Peace.

  1. Death is so unfair.  ↩

Lizards have human rights too!

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Things are looking up for notorious USG stoolie Brian Kerbs, whose propaganda outlet operating under a thin veneer of "security" met some difficulty earlier this week. A National Security Letter signed by none other than President Hussein Bahamas himself indicates that government's own experts specializing in identifying Russian hackers behind attacks have identified Russian hackers behind the attack. Alongside the claim of Valery Putin-Trump being responsible for the sudden lack of Kerbs in the daily online diet of the free world, Bahamas directed USG.Google, a governmental agency formerly known as a private company to host the Kerbs on its very own servers, under the aegis of Project Shield (or vice-versa).

As previously described by Google,

Project Shield welcomes applications from websites serving news, human rights, or elections monitoring content. We do not provide service to other types of content, including gaming, businesses, or individual blogs.

Hilary Clinton was busy working on an email server deployment for a paying customer and couldn't respond to our request for comment.

Duterte Assigns Phillipine Police To Investigate US Police

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Phillipine President Rodrigo Duterte (WOT:unknown/undisclosed) has charged Phillipine National Police Chief Ronald dela Rosa with sending a task force to the United States to investigate violence committed by police in the United States (archived). While lesser world leaders limit their criticism of the criminal gang in Washington, DC's actions to those on the international stage, the ever consummate humanitarian Duterte takes America to task at home. Peace in our time.

Vox Media, Torch Bearer of Gawker Legacy Faces Own Scandal

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Vox Media, the surviving heir to Gawker Media's promotion of unabashed idiotarian socialism, faces its own ethics scandal as a co-founder of Vox Media property "The Verge" secretly accepted financial compensation through employment with Apple while also being employed by Vox Media. Aside from the ridiculous construction where venture's founding partner somehow ends up an employee of that same venture, this incident provides an illuminating example of the illusory faux-ethics pushed by the socialistoid press.

Not Quite News Roundup Xtend 7

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Welcome to the seventh edition of the Qntra Not Quite News Roundup Xtend (TM)(R). The below events are alleged to have happened, but they are decidedly innocent of newsworthiness.

  • Self identified "mental health counselors" are bullish on a Donald Trump-Clinton presidency due to an increase anxiety among self identified socialists.
  • Charlotte, North Carolina has been experiencing acute unrest after yet another police shooting initiated yet another media circus.
  • As enrollment contracts at the University of Missouri dorm style housing is replacing independent apartments for graduate students living on campus and a freeze has been placed on building permits for new private residential construction near the campus. This suggests the University is leaning heavily on reasserting in loco parentis to cope with its loss of Universitiquity.
  • Roger Ver opened a mining pool under his "Bitcoin.com" brand. This mining pool is potantially vulnerable to a distraction of service attack where other mining pools in addition to publishing valid Bitcoin blocks publish blocks invalid due to having a size between one and sixteen megabytes which Ver's pool will attempt to build off of due to their choice of aspiring altcoin network client.
  • Stormy weather continues on the Freenode IRC network.
  • The soybean harvest is beginning in earnest, your loss immanent.
  • "Scary Clown" sightings are all the rage as local police departments across North America issue press releases addressing the sightings.
  • Bayer announced that if their acquisition of Monsanto passes through regulatory approval into consumation, they have no particular desire to use the Monsanto name for anything.
  • A couple dutchmen were arrested for stealing electricity in order to grow marijuana plants and operate a mining farm which otherwise would have been sorely -EV.
  • A growing number of alleged patents supposed by fiat entities on technologies related to the blockchain continue making the possibility of fiat business impossible.
  • The first televised debates between the two aspects of Clinton seeking the United States presidency will happen Monday if Hillary Rodham-Clinton's health allows it.
  • Something, Something Brian Krebs.
  • The website known as Mark Zuckerberg (WOT:nonperson) presents Facebook issued an apology after advertisers discovered they were being served grossly inflated viewership statistics.
  • A cease fire negotiated among fiat governments concerning Syria began and ended this week.

Sorry for your loss.