A "technology update" for point-of-sale systems at registers has left a number of Starbucks stores in the United States and Canada unable to process electronic payments today, leaving the affected stores no choice but to accept filthy physical fiat. Customers naturally flocked to social media to vent their outrage, leading some stores to give away free coffee to placate the caffeine deprived mob. A company spokeswoman said "We are working swiftly to resume full operations in each of these stores".
Category Archives: Africa
New Plastic (Definitely Not Sterling) UK Pound Notes Cut Noses
Fiat turned potentially deadly this week as it was reported that some cocaine aficionados in the United Kingdom were left with nasal cuts after using the new polymer 5 pound notes to sniff the drug. Cheekily referred to as "being Winstoned" (Due to Winston Churchill's mug adorning the notes), the practice could increase the spread of infections or blood-borne pathogens if the note is used by multiple users.
Doge Doldrums Drum On
This weeks revelation that Dogecoin Tipbot creator Mohland stole all user funds from the service has resulted in shibes becoming a laughingstock across the wider internet, even on sites that formerly hailed the scam as "fun". Dogecoin creator Jackson Palmer returned from the dead and made a reddit post where he outlines steps for the future to the ever-shrinking userbase, all the while never mentioning the outright theft that occurred. Dogecoin price has plummeted to 1/10th of a cent and ranks at #15 on coinmarketcap.com, having fallen from its once prominent position on the site as a top 5 altcorn.
Cost Of Running Shitware Continues Bull Run To The Moon
A rash of ransomware attacks utilizing Microsoft exploits once exclusive to apparatus of USG oppression have crippled loyal shitware customers including the UK's socialized medical system, Fedex, and numerous banks. The rapidity with which the program known as WCry colonized Windows machines compelled Microsoft to issue security patches addressing this particular exploit for long unsupported products in an effort to stem the bleeding. The increasing effectiveness of ransomware attacks in concert with continued fiat currency malaise that threatens to take the US dollar below 1/2000th of a Bitcoin1 is driving the cost of continuing to run shitware for any purpose to the moon.
With many more exploits liberated from the cellars of the USG.NSA and USG.CIA, this front presents an incredible ongoing peril afflicting fiat interests that is unlikely to be relieved any time soon.2
Fiat Ram Trucks May Smash Their Operators
Reluctant to relinquish its tried and true status as THE day-late-dollar-short member of not yet Great Again American automakers; Fiat Chrysler Automobiles (FCA) announced today that it would be following in the footsteps of General Motors in recalling a great many of its great trucks for a "software error" that could end in a smushy death.
Affecting RAM 1500 and 2500 trucks built from 2013-2016 as well as big mother RAM 3500 trucks built from 2014-2016, over one million units will be recalled starting next month, significantly more than the number affected by FCA's Hot Death but only a quarter of GM's numbers from 2016.
The Dodge "software error" has been implicated in at least one death to date when side airbags and seat belt pretensioners failed to activate following an underbody collision leading to a vehicle rollover. No word on whether Dodge's engineers were also responsible for bugs in other TBTF products of Not Yet Great Again. Also no word on whether Herr Trump is planning to extend his recent Executive Order to include automakers but it would be pretty sweet if he did.
Fake News Still Fixated On Comey Firing: US Lamestream Media Burning Last Vestiges Of Credibility In Confusing C-Words
The plurality of reasons presented by representatives of the US Trumpreich for firing pandering politruck FBI Director and JWZ James Comey are being abused by the fake news media as supposedly being "contradicting reasons" for the firing. The malicious misrepresentation of the concordant set of reasons to fire James Comey instead as a mess of contradictions is most damning self indictment the US fake news media has imposed upon itself in all of its opposition to The Great Again so far.
Much as a chronically tardy, kleptomaniac, and freelancing salesman can only be fired once though their offences include failure to report to work, theft, and poaching their employer's customers for their personal MLM affiliate links; James Comey could only be fired once though the reasons to do so are legion.
While the opposition party was shovelling their credibility into the fire, President Trump issued an executive order holding US agency heads responsible for successful attacks against their information systems. This marks continued positioning by those who would have The Great Again over those who would have not.
Comey Out At FBI: Swamp Thrashes As Guileless People Pleasing Politruck Fired
Pathologically people pleasing politruck James Comey was fired as director of the FBI by US President Donald Trump. Comey's career became terminal when he decided to oscillate between attempts to please his pantsuit daddy and his Great Again daddy while only angering them both. As an FBI Director and a JWZ who undertook a quantum experiment in programmatically pandering approval eigenstates, his departure is being met with confused wailing, gnashing, and thrashing inside the US capitol swamp.
The firing comes after ongoing hearing have cleared the non-deterministic director of usefulness to anyone while establishing his allegiance to the anti-truth.
Other promising developments in the swamp draining effort include President Trump nominating a slate of promising young jurists to fill lower court vacancies, and continuing to set the stage for a fall budgetary government shutdown to better beat the pants off of pantsuit interests.
Dogecointipbot Creator Admits Constant Embezzlement While Shutting Down Service: Sorry For Your Loss
Reddit user /u/mohland, creator of Dogecointipbot, announced on the r/dogecoin subreddit Monday that he had been scamming users since at least 2015 by diverting funds deposited into into /u/dogetipbot into his own ventures and would be shutting the service down. He was quick to reassure that at least their Sorry For Your Loss wasn't due to a hack and that he was going to publish the dogecointip bot code, sure to inspire the next generation of reddit scammers, and which is ultra-secure because it "never had an external hot wallet breach in the 3.5 years we've been running". Hacks that occurred on individual reddit accounts drained the tipbot hot wallet forcing /u/mohland to admit he could no longer keep the flaming tire burning in this particular shitpit any longer. Users of the service were reporting losses in the tens of dollars.
Mohland has been forced to declare Chapter 7 bankruptcy, finally fulfilling the prophecy in Trilema where it was stated that anyone "investing" in the scheme would be dancing in the streets for nickels. The announcement closed by stating that he does not "personally hold no cryptocurrencies nor do I have any desire to in the future". Reddit users have grabbed pitchforks and threatened litigation, though in typical fashion most users will likely forget about it all by next week when the next ponzicoin grabs their attention. Sorry for your loss.
Nuclear Waste Storage Tunnel Collapses At Hanford Site
A train tunnel storing rail cars full of radioactive waste at the Hanford Site in the north-western United States collapsed this morning. The collapse occurred in the PUREX plutonium extraction region of the government created nuclear wasteland. Meanwhile, off the Columbia River Seattle mayor Ed Murray has proposed levying a 1.75 to 2 cent per fluid ounce tax on sweetened beverages in order build funds to so that he might diminish the status of the 70% of Seattle's population with white skin.
Rogue DOJ Continues Obama Era Persecution Of Farmer For Crime Of Tillage
California farmer John Duarte has been locked in a battle for his livelihood against the coordinated persecution begun by the US Army Corps of "Engineers"1under Hussein Bahamas and continued by the rogue Department of "Justice" (archived) against orders issued by the Trump administration. Duarte's alleged crime was ordering a survey of seasonal puddles in his long cultivated farmland and attempting to comply with Bahamas administration regulations which declared the seasonal puddles to be "protected waters of the United States".
Duarte's attempt at compliance with the law through having a site survey taken and following that with shallow tillage around the potential puddles now declared "navigable waterways" lead to the Corps of "Engineers" replying with a cease and desist order. They alleged the shallow tillage around the puddle prone spots was "deep ripping" and dredging of sediment that degraded these now important navigable waterways.
When Duarte protested the allegations, the Corps of "Engineers" proceeded to completely dig out the low spots they had deemed critically endangered navigable waters to a depth in excess of 2 meters for the sake of evidence collection. When the evidence supported Duarte's claims, even the Hussein Bahamas era EPA declined prosecution, but the Department of "Justice" enthusiastically began advocating in court that the entire practice of farming is a collection of crimes against the so-called "Clean Water Act".
The failure of the Trumpreich to stop legacy USG elements from coninuing to prosecute a case that declares agriculture to be a crime demonstrates the scale and persistence of the perverse pantsuit party tentacles obstructing the summoning of The Great Again. The fate of the prosecution and prosecutors persecuting Duarte is likely a solid indicator to watch in evaluating the health of The Great Again effort.
This Corps fraudulently misrepresenting itself as "Engineers" is the same one that transformed the meandering flood plains of the Middle West into violent flumes in order to protect new suburban retail and residential development. ↩