Monthly Archives: October 2018

US Army Seeks Candidates For Direct Commision To Colonel Because "Cyber"

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The United States Army is looking for candidates to directly commision into their organization at the rank of Colonel under their new 'Cyber Direct Commisioning' program aimed at addressing their cybersecurity disability (archived). Under the US Army rank structure, Colonel is the most senior field officer rank. Following the legal minimum time in grade requirements, it would take a an officer entering the US Army normally 13 years to rise from the entry level officer rank to Colonel, but 22 years is the typical time to rank with half of candidates in the predecessor rank of Lieutenant Colonel failing to be selected for promotion to Colonel.

The US Army has already issued direct commisions to fill positions for lower ranks than Colonel under this cybersecurity recruitment program. Once they do find a Colonel in the wild to commision, it will surely be great for morale.

Congo: Family Pulls Caper To Secure Relative's Corpse After Ebola Death

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A family in the Congo has manage to recover the corpse of a loved one who recently fell to Ebola from public health authorities (archived). Five family members talked the competent authorities into allowing them to don protective gear and drive the hearse. On the way to the government approved burial site, the hearse deviated from the planned route and an ensuing pursuit by their police escort was thwarted by local crowds. The next day representatives of the family went to these same public health authorities, apologized, offered to submit to vaccination, and returned the body swearing they neither opened the casket nor the body bag. Whether or not they actually exposed their loved one's body to shepherd their soul into the afterlife according to local customs is unknown.

Brits Ban TV Ad For Showing Healthy, Human Shaped, Female Model

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Over on Airstrip One, a government "Advertising Standards Authority" has banned the continued airing of an advertisement featuring a healthy, athletic, human, and human shaped female with a body mass index of 18.8 by asserting that the size 8 model is "unhealthily underweight" (archived). The hamplanet censor squad cited visible ribs and muscle definition during athletic movements as evidence the 5'10" model was unhealthily underweight during those scenes.

We desperately await the UK's entry of "healthily weighted" athletes into international sporting competitions.

Pantsuit Media Slanders Kim Kardashian's Husband As An "Incel"

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Pantsuit media has intensified their slander campaign against Kim Kardashian's husband: the rapper, genius, and voice of a generation Kanye West as the friendship between Kanye and US President Donald Trump has continued to grow and flourish. The latest slander thrown at the father of Kim Kardashian's children by the media are accusations that Kanye is an "incel" or involuntarily celibate man, in the tradition of Elliot Rodger.

The forces of Pantsuit earlier this year tried and failed to replace the #WOKE voice of a generation with a mere minstrel performer happy to stay on their Pantsuit Plantation. In the game of "their" democracy, the Pantsuit and their NPC allies are distressed that Black American support for Donald Trump keeps rising as his presidency continues, and they lash out at any prominent Black American who challenges their party line.

Hussein Bahamas promised prison reform. Trump is doing (archived).

Hussein Bahamas promised drug law reform. Trump is doing (archived).

It is as though Pantsuit and their NPC allies think Black America is dumb while they are the ones flailing in their efforts to supress truly woke American heroes like Kim's hubby.

Google Aborts "Google Plus" After Leak In Seventh Year Of Life

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Yesterday it was announced that Google will abort its 7 year old child, the not very social network "Google Plus" following a databreach. Google Plus was preceeded in death by Google Buzz, the awkward twitter clone with a weird user interface, which was Google's first venture into social networking. After Google Buzz spent 22 months failing to gain traction, parent Google aborted Buzz in favor of Plus, which instead was a Facebook clone with an awkward circle centric user interface. The late Linus Torvalds kept an awkward approximation of a blog on the platform.

USG And Victims Deny Allegations Of Chinese Ownership Of Their Implanted Servers

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Various "national security" agencies in the US and Airstrip One are aggressively denying reports that server motherboards assembled in China for their darlings including Amazon and Apple by way of a defense contractor, contained hardware implants allowing for Chinese ownership of the machines (archived). The language of the denials, especially on the part of the afflicted darlings, involves substantial claims and fabrications of ignorace with respect to this particular embarrassing episode. At the same time the denials on the part of the companies are sufficiently slimey to likely evade claims of fraud over the denials when weighed according to the rituals performed by empire courts at a later date.

Given their hallucinations of immunity from claims, denials by "national security" agencies are rarely bounded by such cautions. Given the weight of incentives, hedging by parties that might have problems, and the contrasting boldness by parties imagining themselves to immunity from those problems… The credibility of these denials is very low.