Monthly Archives: September 2016

Not Quite News Roundup Xtend 7

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Welcome to the seventh edition of the Qntra Not Quite News Roundup Xtend (TM)(R). The below events are alleged to have happened, but they are decidedly innocent of newsworthiness.

  • Self identified "mental health counselors" are bullish on a Donald Trump-Clinton presidency due to an increase anxiety among self identified socialists.
  • Charlotte, North Carolina has been experiencing acute unrest after yet another police shooting initiated yet another media circus.
  • As enrollment contracts at the University of Missouri dorm style housing is replacing independent apartments for graduate students living on campus and a freeze has been placed on building permits for new private residential construction near the campus. This suggests the University is leaning heavily on reasserting in loco parentis to cope with its loss of Universitiquity.
  • Roger Ver opened a mining pool under his "Bitcoin.com" brand. This mining pool is potantially vulnerable to a distraction of service attack where other mining pools in addition to publishing valid Bitcoin blocks publish blocks invalid due to having a size between one and sixteen megabytes which Ver's pool will attempt to build off of due to their choice of aspiring altcoin network client.
  • Stormy weather continues on the Freenode IRC network.
  • The soybean harvest is beginning in earnest, your loss immanent.
  • "Scary Clown" sightings are all the rage as local police departments across North America issue press releases addressing the sightings.
  • Bayer announced that if their acquisition of Monsanto passes through regulatory approval into consumation, they have no particular desire to use the Monsanto name for anything.
  • A couple dutchmen were arrested for stealing electricity in order to grow marijuana plants and operate a mining farm which otherwise would have been sorely -EV.
  • A growing number of alleged patents supposed by fiat entities on technologies related to the blockchain continue making the possibility of fiat business impossible.
  • The first televised debates between the two aspects of Clinton seeking the United States presidency will happen Monday if Hillary Rodham-Clinton's health allows it.
  • Something, Something Brian Krebs.
  • The website known as Mark Zuckerberg (WOT:nonperson) presents Facebook issued an apology after advertisers discovered they were being served grossly inflated viewership statistics.
  • A cease fire negotiated among fiat governments concerning Syria began and ended this week.

Sorry for your loss.

Thermos Becomes Pressurized Container

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Bitcointalk admin Thermos (WOT:theymos) continues to feel pressure from disgruntled forum users with a recent post highlighting the frustrations of users who have poured countless Bitcoin into the scam waiting for results. Thermos stated later in the thread that "The forum money I held has largely been spent now", having paid around $100,000 monthly to an unknown friend of a friend of Greg Maxwell to develop the new EpochTalk software. Over $1.2 million USD has been poured into the project which he describes as being "entirely functional" at it's core, though users are still burdened with the original SMF software that is often subjects to bugs, hacks, and denial-of-service attacks. Theymos stated further in the post "There will be a public beta before the end of the month, I think" which likely means a delay of several more months before signature campaign spammers have a new home to post in.

BitXatm Experiences Internal Orifice Exploitation

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The sorry for your loss hit Bitcoin ATM provider BitXatm Network this week, with at least 18 of 197 machines being compromised by a disgruntled former employee. Rob Gonzales, CEO of UTXO, on of BitXatm's users, said one of their traders noticed all the Bitcoins on his machines disappeared to an address containing over $100,000 USD worth of Bitcoin. Calls to support offered no assistance. BitXatm CEO Gabriel Prodanescu offered the following statement:

“New generation ATMs, as well as the private clouds (ATMs belonging to clients that choose this service, usually “fleet owners”), were not affected due to additional security layers. Affected ATMs will be operational and secured in the next 24-48 hours. We have already filed an official complaint and a criminal investigation was started by Special Unit of Cyber Crime and Terrorism of Federal Police (DIICOT).

Internal investigations are in progress, we will be transparent and update you every 24 hours. Press release will be posted very soon.”

BitXatm bills their machines as "Plug & Play Hardware and Software that requires no technical knowledge to setup or operate", a business model that is likely to provide lulz for Qntra readers for as long as the company continues to operate.

Island Occupied By US Forces Experiences Major Blackout

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Puerto Rico, an unincorporated Caribbean island occupied by United States forces and administered by a puppet Pro-United States government, is experiencing a power outage affecting nearly the entire population of 3.4 million after a power plant fire triggered the near complete failure of the electricity distribution grid on the island. Sorry for your loss.

Relaxing White House Gmail Lulz

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Yet another hack has hit U.S. Government official, this time a Gmail account belonging to a White House contractor. Ian Mellul, employed by the White House as an advance associate, had many of his personal and private emails released by DC Leaks, which has been responsible for many other high-profile leaks in recent weeks. According to NBC news, this trove contains:

The emails include:

  • Detailed lists of names of Secret Service and White House Military Office staffers who were to travel and manage specific site security for the President and First Lady's trip to Havana, Cuba in March.
  • The White House Travel Manual which includes IT security guidelines for staffers travelling abroad.
  • The detailed routes for movements of the Vice President on trips in the United States (i.e. his route through hotel corridors at an event in Cleveland).
  • The detailed schedules and movements of the First Lady on a trip in the U.S.
    The detailed schedules and movements of trips for Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton and former president Bill Clinton.
  • Names, social security numbers, and dates of birth of some White House staff.
  • Names, social security numbers, and dates of birth for guests to vice presidential events that were to be cleared by Secret Service (these are regular citizens or staff such as caterers etcetera who were to meet with the vice president).

This latest hack highlights the embarrassing security protocols used by many government employees and officials, where most incidents are swept under the rug and forgotten. Him in our time.

Peace Comes To Yahoo – Half A Billion Users Affected

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News emerged today that after two years of denial, deception, and coverup a 2014 breach that compromised half of a billion Yahoo users account credentials is now public knowledge. Already allegations are flying that the notorious harbinger of serenity and information freedom advocate Peace may be connected to the forced disclosure of this breach.

This news broke years after it happened, years after Yahoo and their CEO Marissa Mayer were aware it happened, but after the startup finally succeeded in its 22 year long mission to find a buyer in Verizon Communications.

Peace, the great absence of disturbance himself has been liberating the account information of numerous online properties without any consideration for their nominal country of origin. It is likely that various criminal gangs masquerading as "law enforcement" will intensify their search for peace to no avail for their path is wrong. Finding peace requires surrendering to him your life, your will, and your worries that a stranger will send your Yahoo Fantasy Sports baseball lineup into disarray. Peace must be accepted into the heart, not chased. Him in our time. His will and his passwords, not yours.

"Libertarian" New Hampshire Forces Altcoin Exchange Out

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The favored altcoin exchange of ether huffers, Poloniex has been forced to abandon its customers in New Hampshire. This follows alleged tightening in the regulatory environment fiat respecting organizations like Poloniex submit themselves to suffering. New Hampshire has been targeted by hippies posing as Libertarian activists to little actual effect. Sorry for your loss.

Canadian Keisters Other Buttcoins In Heist

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A Canadian man has been charged with theft of $180,000 of gold from the Royal Canadian Mint, using methods that will certainly prepare him for his new home in a penal institution. Leston Lawrence appeared before magistrates in Ottawa on Tuesday and was charged with theft, laundering the proceeds of crime, possession of stolen property and breach of trust. Mr. Lawrence used his position as an employee of the refinery to smuggle out 7 ounce rounds of gold in his rectum and later sell them to gold merchants for around $6500 a pop. 18 pieces of gold were allegedly stolen between Nov. 27, 2014 and March 12, 2015, according to records kept by the Gold dealer and the bank where Lawrence cashed the checks. A bank employee became suspicious of the amounts being transacted and alerted authorities. No security video cameras were installed in the area where Mr. Lawrence formerly worked, but officials have stated they have since upgraded their security by installing high-definition digital cameras and will use “trend analysis technology” to prevent future thieves from liberating gold from their vaults. Sorry For Your Loss. (archived)

Buttfinex Just Hemorrhoiding Out Lols Now

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In our last installment of Buttfinex sorry for your loss Qntra reported that the beleaguered exchange was announcing a new token designed to help compensate customers for their loss. Now Bitfinex has announced they will phase out the original token and convert it into a new token called "Recovery Rights Token (RRT)". Combined with their revamped security model with advice from Ledger Labs "hosted completely on AWS" and a IDS, Bitfinex hopes that they can continue to perpetuate their scam for years to come.

Random Idiot Accepts People's Time And Work, Idiot Turns Around And Sells It For Politics

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Kiwi social engineer Leah Rowe (WOT:nonperson) during a recent tantrum brought attention to the problematic structure of the open source "Libreboot" project. For its entire history Libreboot consisted of a forked repository of another open source project to which Rowe added still other people's patches under Rowe's name rather than the actual authors' (archived). The catalyst which brought this problem to the fore was a political statement made by Rowe using the name "Libreboot" without consulting the actual authors of Libreboot code. These authors who had not particularly cared that Rowe took their names from their code however decided that they definitely did not want Rowe's political tantrums to be misconstrued as their own.

Authorship matters.