Not Quite News Roundup Xtend 14 (TM)(R) – The Great Again Cometh

Welcome to the fourteenth edition of the Qntra Not Quite News Roundup Xtend (TM)(R). The below events are alleged to have happened, but they are decidedly innocent of newsworthiness.

  • Violent protests continue in major American metropolitan centers as NEETs continue adapting to their new employment. Amid the continued economic stimulus wrought by the mere likelihood of The Great Again, one protester in Portland was shot by an African American male in his late teens who fired into the crowd and fled by motor carriage.
  • An 18 year old student at the University of Louisiana Lafayette faces charges of filing a false police report after she confessed that she falsified her initial report that two white men attacked her and stole her hijab. She admitted that she was actually not attacked. There is no word on what actions may be taken against her by the University of Louisiana Lafayette for her bias incident intended to incite crime against white men.
  • This week's altcoin drawing unwarranted attention is "our democracy".
  • Numerous similar unsubstantiated reports of attacks against persons who are not white men have been receiving substantial attention in the mainstream media without any details being provided. The attacks are simply being referred to as a "wave" with few particular incidents at all being described. Meanwhile numerous racially motivated attacks against white men and women are being committed with the attackers assuming their victims must have voted for Trump due to their whiteness.
  • Vagrant "overdoses" continue in downtown St Louis. There still have been no fatalities reported, but the number of vagrants hospitalized is approaching one hundred.
  • Social media has been flooded by calls for violence by radical leftists in the United States following a dramatic defeat of the country's major socialist party in the recent election. The major socialist party lost on nearly every single national or statewide office on the ballot outside of Illinois and municipal offices in urban metropolitan areas.
  • Four Americans, two soldiers and two contractors, were killed during a bombing inside Bagram Air base in Afghanistan. The bomber was also killed in the blast.
  • The Trans Pacific Partnership trade agreement is now dead. The two thousand plus page agreement negotiated in secret required an untold number of bureaucrat centuries to compile.
  • The manner in which the Trumpreich will obliterate Obamacare is in flux with congressional members of the GOP supposing to fill the void with a less oppressive but equally spendy beast that will continue throw value into the financial black hole that is the American healthcare system.
  • Marine La Pen's chances of becoming the next French prime minister continue to improve as called on Qntra back in June.
  • Colin Kaepernick, Blaine Gabbert's backup quarterback, after protesting American politics by kneeling during the national anthem confession that he did not care about American politics enough to vote in the election.
  • After a brief fundraising boom, OpenBSD is failing to meet their new, more ambitious fundraising goals. The amount of funds presently raised however appears sufficient to keep the lights on.
  • There is speculation that "our democracy" will handle the question of Hillary Rodham-Clinton and Huma Weiner's criminal activity by opening token prosecutions of the two allowing Hussein Bahamas to officially pardon them to avoid prevent actual prosecution via the constitutional prohibition on "double jeopardy".
  • Many who warned of the crisis to "our democracy" presented if Trump and his supporters refused to accept the election's outcome are now refusing to accept the election's outcome, if that wasn't clear already from recent events.
  • In spite of the campaign to replace the United States Government with the Trumpreich's promises to drain the swamp in the US capital, there has been no discussion of any particulars regarding dykes, weirs, or pumps to conduct the necessary removal of water. Everything has been focused on the removal of socialist politruks.
  • There is an outstanding demand for to replace the antiquated Reich's domain name system with a Republican alternative.

Uncertainty reigns as The Great Again approaches. Keep coming back and wait for The Great Again to happen.

Soylent's Attempt To Scapegoat Soy Sinks

Rob Reinhart's1 (WOT:nonperson) food replacement start up Soylent is suffering in the wake of a severe product purity scandal. Early efforts at damage control involved Soylent blaming the soy content of their products and alleging the violently ill customers must have had some sort of previously undetected soy sensitivity.

The culprit was "algal flour" derived from Chlorella protothecoides grown in fermenters. The algae was chosen for its high protein content and while it is classified by US regulators as a "Generally Recognized As Safe" substance it's use as a source of dietary protein is not well tested. Digestive intolerance of unfamiliar plant proteins is not an uncommon class of phenomena, though contamination of the product is also a possibility.

This is bullish for soy's continued reign as the cheapest complete protein of vegetable origin suitable for keeping the general population fed. Soy for your loss.


  1. Otherwise notable for the nuisance complaints filed by his neighbors related to his habit of hoarding piles of trash which attract vermin.  

Clinton Thug Janet Reno Dies

Janet Reno, lead prosecutor of the first Clinton Administration's war on the American people has died. Janet oversaw terrorist campaigns against numerous victims including a the Branch Davidians, Montana Freemen, Richard Jewell, Wen Ho Lee, and an uncountable number of others. Her tenure as Attorney General opened with the immolation of 76 members of a religion of peace. Reno's cause of death is listed simply as "complications of Parkinson's disease" without further details being provided.

Alternate Bitcoin Implementation Apes Reference Client In Removing Network Alert System

The developers behind the "Core" fork of the reference Bitcoin client announced that they would be retiring the legacy "Alert" system in their client fork. The patch to remove the legacy Alert system from the reference client was already under consideration by the Bitcoin Foundation in November of 2014 and was considered a standard part of any reasonable build by the end of 2014.

Naturally, though being two years late to the party, the developers of the "Core" fork make no mention of the Alert system's previous removal from the reference Bitcoin client in their announcement. Further, developers of the "Core" client fork announced their intentions to fire the Alert system twice as part of their announcing its retirement.

Sorry for your loss.

Soy And Corn Yields Massive, Prices Depressed Further

This year's US soy crop has been referred to as a "bin buster" and potentially record setting with substantial acreage still waiting in the field for harvest. Corn yield have been good too. This news is dismal for farmers, but delightful for dicamba. Landscape accordingly because the future is now.

Mainstream Media: Clinton Emails Already "Baked In" To Polls

On this day, the ninth day before the United States presidential election, the talking heads of the United States mainstream media-political complex are in concert adopting a single position on the damage from the latest revelation of Clinton Criminality. Apparently the political damage to Hillary Rodham-Clinton from this latest news is already "baked in" to Hillary Rodham-Clinton's polling numbers, and this damage has been for some amount of time, perhaps even since the beginning of time itself.

This "baked in" theory spontaneously emerged among several dozen "independent" mainstream talking heads simultaneously. Naturally there is *no way* that this introduction of the "baked in" line could have been coordinated.

Not Quite News Roundup Xtend 12 (TM)(R)

Welcome to the twelfth edition of the Qntra Not Quite News Roundup Xtend (TM)(R). The below events are alleged to have happened, but they are decidedly innocent of newsworthiness.

  • The price reported by fiat/Bitcoin interfaces has been bullish on the Bitcoin and bearish on the fiat sides with United States dollars sinking to less than 1/700th of a Bitcoin per and Chinese rembini to less than 1/4850th of a Bitcoin per.
  • The United States Department of Defense was recently revealed to be the largest purchaser of Jack Daniels Tennessee Whiskey. The Department utilizes the distiller's "By the Barrel Program" which includes tours of the distilling facility and meetings with the taster and master distiller in order to select particular barrels for purchase. Barrel pricing varies from 9,000 to 12,000 United States dollars per barrel due to variations in volume and is related to the premium pricing in effect for bottled "single-barrel" whiskies. A barrel is roughly equivalent to 250 bottles of the traditional 750 ml volume commonly referred to as a "fifth" and is only enough whiskey to sustain a dedicated solo hard drinker for a period of four to nine months.
  • Facebook may be in hot water with the Feds for playing a part in violations of the Fair Housing Act of 1968 through its practice of allowing any schmuck with a couple bucks to place a targeted advertisement. For its part Facebook protests that targeting people for their "ethnic affinity" in Facebook Ads is not that same thing as actually discriminating based on race. The timing of WaPo making a fuss of this is extremely suggestive.
  • Polish fiat/Bitcoin interface Bitcurex moved to shut down after your loss.
  • This week's altcoin drawing unwarranted attention is variably known as "Zooko Cash", "Z-Cash", and "ZEC" and drawing attention for having been released after substantial hype. ZEC is similar to Monero in that its privacy "features" fail against sufficiently panoptic observers. ZEC tokens found their way to markets soon after the Genesis block's minting and individual tokens are presently trading for more than individual Bitcoins due to scarcity though the exchange rate has been falling rapidly as more ZEC are mined and released to market. A full 10 percent of ZEC are set to be awarded to parties other than miners. With this kind of debut the stage is set for unprecedented levels of "your loss", we are very sorry for it.
  • Aspersing "Bitcoin" news outlet CoinJournal is in full "your loss" coping mode after Barclays SFYL'd their fiat bank account.
  • Vladislav Surkov's email was allegedly hacked. Mainstream sources are crediting "Ukranian activists" for the hack despite the CIA telling NBC News it was going to try this exact sort of thing on October 14th. Apparently Surkov used Microsoft Outlook.
  • "Open Transactions", which is Ripple before Ripple was a thing, was finally attached to a n00b friendly interface. The interface is attached to the "Stash Bank In A Box" hardware product. Sorry but you're late.
  • The United States and its coalition forces are continuing to support the Medes and other Persians in their effort to take Nineveh from the Assyrians.
  • The strained relationship between the GOP and their Presidential candidate has yielded a most unfair benefit. In down ticket races nearly all of their attack ads against Democratic party candidates also get to contain anti-Hillary attack ads while few down ticket Democratic party advertisements dare to attack Donald Trump-Clinton and the down ticket candidate at the same time.
  • In the mainstream media, the second most important political story of the week is receiving unsurprisingly little coverage.

Peace in our time.

FBI Reopens Investigation Of Hillary Rodham-Clinton's Emails After Wikileaks Reveals Deleted Emails Still Exist

News emerged today that the US Federal Bureau of Investigation is re-opening their investigation of Hillary Rodham-Clinton's email habits and sloppy sysadmin record during zher tenure as Secretary of State. Public justification for this decision is based on the revelation included in the Wikileaks leaks that the 30,000 or so "missing" emails which hindered the initial investigation were backed up in numerous separate physical locations. This fact was either undiscovered by the FBI earlier through their lesser competence than the Wikileaker or intentionally ignored.

Or perhaps the decision to reopen the investigation was made because along with a certain humorous question being raised by the latest batch of Wikileaks, emails related to Doug Band's work for "Bill Clinton, Inc"(TM)(R) showed that some high ranking FBI officials had questionable relations with the Clinton family business.

Hillary Rodham-Clinton's electoral rival Donald Trump-Clinton today shockingly managed to stay on point in a speech where he repeatedly hammered Hillary on the stump for inhering the transcendental concept of corruption on Earth.

UPDATE: The official story is now that the new emails were found while investigating Clinton family friend Anthony Weiner for sexting a minor child.

Lawyer For Militia Heroes Tazed For Demanding Release of Said Heroes After Acquittal

Marcus Mumford, the lawyer for Ammon Bundy and the other heroes of the Oregon liberation, was reportedly tazed and detained by US Marshals for sensibly requesting that Ammon Bundy be able to leave the court room as a free man after his acquittal. U.S. District Judge Anna J. Brown  denied the request over a pending but unrealized indictment that may eventually be levelled against the now acquitted Ammon Bundy in Nevada. Brown allegedly repeated the popular US "law" enforcement catchphrase "Stop Resisting" as six United States Marshals restrained and repeatedly tazed Mumford.

No Justice, No Peace. Right Power!

All Militia Heroes Of Oregon Liberation Acquitted By Jury In Federal Court

Local media is reporting that all surviving members of the Militia that liberated a portion of the high desert in Oregon at the beginning of this year have been acquitted in a Jury trial. Even after the presiding federal judge reconstituted the jury after initial deliberations had begun, the citizens decided that criminal charges were unwarranted. This encouraging development suggests that the United States does indeed have at least 12 citizens capable of exercising discretion as evidence by this case of the jury nullifying charges against these real American heroes.

Justice for the slaying of Lavoy Finicum remains unsatisfied.

Peace in our time.