Category Archives: Shitware

Nitrocellulose Recategorized As High Explosive In US Through Quiet Physics Defying Ruling

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The United States government quietly reclassified nitrocellulose, a humble plastic with deflagrating1 explosive properties under certain conditions, as a high explosive (archived). For one hundred and fifty-four years nitrocellulose plastic has safely been used in the production of common household objects including guitar picks and table tennis balls.

The safe, deflagrating failure mode of nitrocellulose also makes it the ideal propellant for ammunition and uniquely useful as flash paper in the magician's trade. As a deflagrating "low explosive" the explosive failure moves as a flame front through nitrocellulose at a speed far below that of sound. By contrast in actual "high explosive" material instead of a slow moving flame front explosive failure occurs with detonation and a shock wave that moves faster than the speed of sound.

Due to the greater hazard and handling requirements associated this reclassification effectively amount to a ban on small arms ammunition though US government Blackshirts insist they will not be enforcing this ban at the present. Coverage of this, even in specialist media, is complicated by noise produced by ongoing masturbatory lobbying over the implications of this change for wetted, non-explosive nitrocellulose rendered safe for bulk transport. Before being used in viable ammunition wetted nitrocellulose must first be dried rendering the masturbatory noise moot for end users.

Him in our time.

  1. Commonly referred to as "low explosive"  ↩

Dyn DNS Suffers Packet Inflation, Many Other "Services" Affected

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Dyn DNS is reporting a large-scale DDoS attack on it's servers this morning, which has caused sporadic interruptions of service for users, mainly on the East Coast of the US. Github, Twitter, and Reddit all use the service as their upstream DNS provider and have reported many outages and total downtime lasting hours. DynDNS president released a statement saying:

This morning, October 21, Dyn received a global DDoS attack on our Managed DNS infrastructure in the east coast of the United States. DNS traffic resolved from east coast name server locations are experiencing a service degradation or intermittent interruption during this time. Updates will be posted as information becomes available.

Upon recognition, active mitigation protocols were initiated and have been working to resolve the issues.

Customers with questions or concerns are encouraged to check our status page for updates and reach out to our Technical Support Team.

No information was available as to whom might be behind the attack, leading to speculation that it may have been launched to protest the recent arrest of an aspect of Peace on Earth earlier this week.

Quid Pro Quo And Arkencide – A Special Roundup Xtend(TM)(R)

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On the eve of the final Presidential debate between leftist candidate Donald Trump-Clinton and still more leftist candidate Hillary Rodham-Clinton, a veritable torrent of damaging information has continued to emerge about one of the candidates to muted mainstream response while the other one apparently likes girls to the mainstream's great consternation. Only the finest lulz are presented below:

  • In Hillsborough, North Carolina the local headquarters for the Republican Party1 was firebombed by terrorists. The attack was likely perpetrated by Brownshirts associated with the major socialist party. The terrorists not content to limit their message of hate to a firebomb covered the building with Nazi imagery in a celebration of their brand of Global Socialism as advanced by Hussein Bahamas and Hillary 'Clitler' Rodham-Clinton.
  • A recently set of leaks from the FBI reveals that Clitler aide Patrick Kennedy pressured the bureau to declassify a document emailed by Clinton. This enabled Clitler to hold a press conference and publicly declare her innocence of this particular crime she committed by stating the document is not classified though it was at the time she criminally mishandled classified information. In exchange for declassifying the document the FBI was granted permission to station more of their stooges abroad in a gratuitous example of quid pro quo.
  • Vince Foster, Ron Brown, Former President of the United Nations General Assembly John Ashe, and others known and unknown are still dead.
  • Donald Trump-Clinton's running mate and undisputed winner of the vice presidential debate Mike Pence endorsed Eric Greitens for Missouri Governor today. Greitens' campaign has leaned heavily on his prior employment as a Navy Seal and many of his early campaign ads consisted simply of Greitens firing weapons for the length of the TV spot.2 At present Eric Greitens is the most obvious beneficiary of Missouri Auditor and one time gubernatorial front runner Tom Schweich's untimely death.
  • Numerous women are speaking about Donald Trump-Clinton's alleged sexual advances towards them. These allegations began emerging approximately 4.5 weeks before election day. Though Donald Trump-Clinton has been publicly campaigning for President the past year and a half these allegations for some reason all waited until October to be voiced.
  • Donald Trump-Clinton has ramped up his allegations that this election is rigged in favor of Hillary 'Clitler' Rodham-Clinton. Trump's comments have highlighted the disproportionate mainstream media coverage given to his alleged defects of sexual character while Clitler's criminal actions as a government official which were contrary to the best interests of the United States get glossed over suggesting collusion. Donald Trump-Clinton further opened the question of how much deeper the collusion favoring Clitler's campaign is.

Reich in Peace.

  1. Also commonly known as the GOP, a minor socialist party in the United States.  ↩

  2. This approach has been emulated by major socialist party candidate for the United States Senate seat from Missouri Jason Kander who has taken to firing and field stripping weapons in his television advertisements.  ↩

"Covert" CIA Plan Makes Evening News

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The centerpiece of tonight's episode of the "NBC Evening News" featured an exclusive look at a "COVERT" plan by the CIA to conduct a series of cyber attacks against Russia. The professed aim of these attacks is to embarrass Russian leadership with a particular emphasis on Vladimir Putin. No actual embarrassing has happened yet, but substantial information on the aims of the CIA attack were presented by NBC including the disclosure of private transaction records.

NBC also to a lesser degree covered the now quieting "pussygate" allegations against presidential candidate Donald Trump-Clinton following the candidate's substantial recovery in the polls. As the US presidential election approaches, it appears that next week's mainstream news cycle will be dominated by sitting president Hussein Bahamas abusing his "National Security" authority to advance the Hillary Rodham-Clinton narrative that Russian hackers are going to steal the election when a Diebold will suffice for that purpose.

All is fair in lulz and war.

Brit Faces Extradition For Trading On US Markets

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Preet, the physical manifestation of evil in our timesA British man faces extradition for trading securities on markets in the United States. "Authorities"1 accuse the man of placing orders in a manner that lead other traders to panic which was followed by a "flash crash" in the markets in which the man was trading. The man faces criminal charges in the United States despite the clear fact that the panic came from defects of character inherent in the other traders. They further allege his cancelling and changing orders amounted to "spoofing" though every man is rightly entitled to change his position based upon the best information available at the time, and time is always moving.

As the saying goes, "If you spot it, you got it." These so called authorities in the United States are clearly in the grips of fear that their beloved fiat fiction and its inherent fragility are the product of their own spoofing. Sorry for your loss.

  1. This is a code word for Preet Bharara.  ↩

Butt-erin Seeks Another Bailout Fork

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The "Timothy Leary of Ether Huffing" Vitalik Butt-erin (WoT:nonperson) officially announced his application to become Roger VERified today, suggesting that perhaps another hard fork is the answer to recent problems the failed altcoin is experiencing. The news comes in response to a series of denial-of-service attacks on the network that have affected first Geth, and now the Parity implementations of the traditional ether huffing bag. The same exploit has been widely reported across various ether huffing splinter groups. that continue to build on clones of the ET(her)H(uff) protocol. The majority of participants in the scheme are dubiously said to have voiced support for the fork, just like the last time when they needed a bailout.

Huffers At Ether.Camp Baking Next "Smart Contract For Your Loss"

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Ether huffers are already working on their next large scale Sorry For Your Loss with a new type of "smart contract" that some are already calling "The DAO 2.0". The contract, dubbed "Hacker Gold" is sure to live up to it's name for would-be attackers, as some eagle-eyed users have already attempted to compile the code and found that it wouldn't. The creators at ether.camp responded that the code on github "isn't the final version". The creators are hoping to raise 50 million US dollars in funds through an ICO and have reportedly been using sock-puppet accounts on reddit to manipulate threads in r/startups and others, in an attempt to generate buzz. The ether.camp team has been mostly silent on the criticisms, apparently betting on the fact that if the initiative fails they can simply hard fork the coin and get everyone's money back like last time.

Oasis Drained While Major Monero Webwallet Languishes Offline

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Altcoin Monero has suffered a blow in its push to become the dominant currency of darknet markets, with reddit users reporting that the owners of Oasis market have apparently pulled an exit scam, absconding with around 150 Bitcoin and a yet undetermined amount of Monero. Reports from reddit also indicate that users attempting to withdraw Monero from the Alpha Bay marketplace are meeting similar frustrations, though the site is still online. This news caps a very bad week for XMR, with the MyMonero web wallet service run by developer fluffypony (WoT:fluffypony) also being was offline for several days now, with users reporting silence from support channels and inability to withdraw funds, though private keys can still be recovered and imported into an actual wallet. These particular wallets have been target by hackers several times in the past few months, resulting in several millions of USD vanishing. At the time of the writing of this article, the sorry for your loss was at -17% and continued to plunge.