Category Archives: Security

Hussein Bahamas Cancels Duterte Meeting At ASEAN Over Hurt Feelings

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Hussein BahamasA planned meeting at ASEAN between United States Oval Office bench warmer Hussein Bahamas and Phillipine President Rodrigo Duterte has been cancelled over Duterte's refusal to be lectured by Bahamas over so called "human rights" with Duterte rejecting Hussein Bahamas as "a son of a whore." The mainstream press in the United States is spinning this clearly mutual decision not to meet as Hussein Bahamas cancelling the meeting. This is the second major show of weakness on the international stage by Hussein Bahamas this week.

Peace in our time.

 

Bankrupt Hanjin Desperately Fighting To Prevent Seizure Of Ships

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Shipping giant Hanjin filed for receivership in South Korea and filed for bankruptcy in the United States last week after its finances collapsed. This week news is emerging that Hanjin is trying to file for bankruptcy protection in 40 different jurisdictions as they desperately work to prevent any more of their ships from being seized in port. Hanjin operated the world's seventh largest container line at a loss in four of the last five years. The number of Hanjin ships which have been denied access to ports stands at 79. Hanjin claims a fleet of 141 ships, of which 128 are operating. Spot shipping prices on routes conveying cargo from Asia to North America have been holding ~40% higher than they were immediately before Hanjin's initial bankruptcy filing. The firm's current crisis follows the recent refusal of creditors to lend Hanjin any more capital to finance its operating expenses. Sorry for your loss.

Bahamas G20 Landing Brouhaha

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United States Oval Office seat warmer Hussein Bahamas after arriving in Hangzhou, China for the G20 conference disembarked from his plane using the belly staircase rather than a roll up staircase. De-planing Air Force One by the more common roll up staircase indicates confidence in the security of the de-planing situation and indicates a positive relationship between parties to the landing and de-planing.

By contrast a belly staircase de-planing indicates tension between parties and a lack of confidence defined by feelings of insecurity. The official verified Twitter account of the United States Defense Intelligence Agency made light of the tension by tweeting "Classy as always China" and linking a New York Times piece about the tense situation featuring a full frontal picture of Hussein Bahamas engaged in belly de-planing. The tweet making light of Hussein Bahamas' engagement in a supremely submissive act has already been deleted. Peace in our time.

US Third Party Candidate's Ad Buy Spotted In The Wild

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Evidence of a radio ad buy on behalf of United States Libertarian party presidential candidate Gary Johnson was observed in the wild. This morning while the Qntra editor in chief was driving his motor carriage to buy cigarettes he heard a Gary Johnson presidential advertisement on KMOX during their broadcast of the Rush Limbaugh show.

Ad buys by candidates outside of the two major socialist political parties in the United States are an extreme rarity with rare exceptions like the 1992 candidacy of Ross Perot that spoiled the election for George Herbert Walker Bush and ushered in the Clinton I presidency.

The move suggests that in addition to having the money to buy ads, Gary Johnson's campaign is making a serious push to raise their already impressive poll numbers across the 15% threshold necessary to be included in the televised debates. Johnson's chances of winning the November election are slim, but given the major party candidates' historically and consistently low likability, approval, and job readiness polling numbers, there is a solid1 chance Johnson makes the televised debates and draws enough votes to spoil the election for one or both of the major party candidates. Peace in our time.

  1. ~35% Enough to happen, but not enough to refer to as likely  ↩

Florida Appeals Espinoza Decision, Florida's Status At Stake!

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The government of Florida, a peninsular territory that hangs from the United States mainland like a limp penis with collapsed veins from years of IV drug use and subject to swampy decay, has decided to appeal a decision by one of their judges and imperil their place in the future. The United Kingdom faced a similar dilemma and decided to walk the lonely road to irrelevance. Peace in our time, but who knows about Florida's.

Cost Of Wrong Kitty Litter Escalates Into The Billions Following Nuclear Waste Accident

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The Los Angeles Times reports that the estimated cost of cleaning up a 2014 underground containment failure at a nuclear waste storage site in New Mexico is climbing past the two billion United States dollar mark (archived). The failure occurred at a facility located within an underground salt dome. A container holding Plutonium and Americium waste failed because organic kitty litter used as a binding agent reacted with the waste creating gas that lead to an explosion reportedly contaminating 35% of the space in the underground facility. Using inert mineral kitty litter would have prevented this accident.

The accident has lead to a cavalcade of fail1 as the facility's unsafety has lead to delays in sequestering waste from "temporary" storage at former nuclear weapons facilities including the notorious Hanford Site there. This means that in addition to the costs imposed by attempts to restore this salt dome to safety the accident has forced the United States Government to breach agreements with a number of state and local governments for failure to dispose of their nuclear trash according to agreed upon schedules. It has also threatened to bring the United States into violation of International Treaties with Russian and other nuclear powers on the reduction of weapons grade material.

The immediate cost of cleaning up after this breach is set to eclipse the Three Mile Island incident in absolute dollars, and the total cost imposed by the fallout is likely to eclipse Three Mile Island in inflation adjusted dollars. The latest alleged USMS auction of Silk Road-ish Bitcoins at 1.6 million United States dollars for 2700 Bitcoins can do nothing for the fiat order when it has debts like this. Sorry for your loss, but you should have read the label on that kitty litter.

  1. This is not unlike the situation US farmers chose trading their windbreaks and their neighbor's orchards for a season's soybean harvest.  ↩

Pokemon Go Fad Already Over

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Pokemon Go, a surveillance and public health app developed by Niantic, is already seeing declining usage according to every possible metric (archived). Likely contributing factors include the game having been released broken with updates only introducing software that's even more broken and gameplay that's even less sophisticated than Cookie Clicker, Farmville, and supposed "games" played for fun. Combine that with the reality of rampant transmayoism keeping the most likely core fanbase from engaging in the optimal gameplay strategy of walking around outside and you have a complete market failure no amount of brand related nostalgia1 can save. Meanwhile other games with allegedly more satisfying mechanics are continuing to grow. Just say Pokemon No.

  1. In related news Crystal Pepsi is back and 1990's nostalgia is apparently a thing marketers are trying to push.  ↩

PayPal Freezes Bundy Accounts Over Rebellion Against Federal Government

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Paypal has frozen accounts associated with Cliven Bundy and his Nevada ranch. Cattle rancher and American Patriot Cliven Bundy was captured by Federal Forces in Portland while he was travelling to support his sons following their effort to liberate a portion of the high desert in Oregon. Cliven's sons Ammon and Ryan had already been captured in an incident which left Ryan injured by gunshot and Lavoy Finicum murdered by FBI stooges. Meanwhile the only Federal officer to face charges of terrorism in United States courts was indicted for playing with gift cards. Peace in our time.

No Arrests In Drug Drone Prison Crash And Mid-Flight Seizure

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A drone carrying drugs and other contraband crashed near Her Majesty's Prison Pentonville in the United Kingdom on August 13th and later that day a second drone was seized mid mid-flight over the prison (archived). Police allegedly chased a suspicious person away from the prison and recovered drug material he allegedly ditched, but no arrests were made in the case. Peace in our time.