Category Archives: Security

All Militia Heroes Of Oregon Liberation Acquitted By Jury In Federal Court

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Local media is reporting that all surviving members of the Militia that liberated a portion of the high desert in Oregon at the beginning of this year have been acquitted in a Jury trial. Even after the presiding federal judge reconstituted the jury after initial deliberations had begun, the citizens decided that criminal charges were unwarranted. This encouraging development suggests that the United States does indeed have at least 12 citizens capable of exercising discretion as evidence by this case of the jury nullifying charges against these real American heroes.

Justice for the slaying of Lavoy Finicum remains unsatisfied.

Peace in our time.

Ethereum Security Still Ethereal, Has Yet To Appear After Hard Forks

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The recent hard fork has failed to protect the ETH huffer ecosystem as yet another serious vulnerability was discovered in the Mist implementation, affecting all versions "including and prior to 0.8.6".

– From the Ethereum blog:

Mist is leaks (sic) some low level APIs which Dapps could use to gain access to the computers file system and read/delete files. This would only affect you if you navigate to an untrusted Dapp, which knows about this vulnerabilities and specifically tries to attack users. Upgrading Mist is highly recommended to prevent any exposure to attacks.

The severity of the bug is listed as high, and can be triggered by merely visiting a webpage containing malicious code or dapp. It finally occurred to the Mist developers that it might be a good idea to add the platform to the bug bounty program, whose fund is sure to be rapidly depleted considering the pace at which new bugs are discovered in this flaming-tire-in-a-shitpit of a platform. Pope Buterin inspired many lulz this week by tweeting "Who says Ethereum is "failing"? Pulling off HFs in 6 days b/w 5 clients with no consensus failures in 1 year is success to me." Consensus seems to be that he is now using scented rose-tinted glasses to cover up the offending smells that continuously emanate from the project.

Peace On Earth: AdultFriendFinder Data Liberated Again

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Just in time for the coming holiday season, security news site sophos reports that Peace may still be amongst us despite reports an aspect of the notorious quiet and tranquility may have been arrested at the behest of the US government. In an interview with Motherboard last week Peace stated he was responsible for the latest AdultFriendFinder breach, and had given “everything, all [FriendFinder Network],” to other hackers. AFF confirmed this stating:

We are aware of reports of a security incident, and we are currently investigating to determine the validity of the reports. If we confirm that a security incident did occur, we will work to address any issues and notify any customers that may be affected.

Peace further stated to Motherboard that the current breach was accomplished by opening "a backdoor that had been publicized on the hacking forum Hell" The Russian language forum was the site where the data from the previous hack was listed for sale at a price of 70 BTC. Information to corroborate the veracity of his claims was sent to Motherboard, and was verified by an independent security researcher Dan Tentler (WoT:nonperson). Tentler said the files contained employee names, their home IP addresses, and SSH keys used for remote access to AdultFriendFinder's servers.

Him In Our Time.

Not Quite News Roundup Xtend 11 (TM)(R)

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Welcome to the eleventh edition of the Qntra Not Quite News Roundup Xtend (TM)(R). The below events are alleged to have happened, but they are decidedly innocent of newsworthiness.

  • The United States Department of State has rejected offers for international elections observers to oversee the Untied States Presidential election on November 8th. The Department of State was headed by candidate Hillary Rodham-Clinton until she stepped down to focus on her campaign. Traditionally the US Department of State has been a huge fan of sending international observers to oversee other countries elections.
  • A free trade deal between the European Union and Canada is being blocked by the brave Parliament of Wallonia. This French speaking region of Belgium is sticking it to the socialist Merkel led European government in Brussels by executing veto power over the treaty which would end 98% of the current tariffs between Merkel's 4th Reich and Canada. For their bravery the Walloons are being slandered in the mainstream press as "The Detroit" of Europe.
  • Thousands of former members of the United States armed forces who served in the past decades' misadventures in Southwest Asia are being compelled to repay their enlistment bonuses. These financial incentives were used to lure the affected veterans to fight in these wars in the first place as enthusiasm to fight in the desert was low when these bonuses were offered. Apparently all these years later the Department of "Defense" has decided it didn't really need these people fighting after all. This desperate financial move by the Department of "Defense" is not bullish for their ability to attract future volunteers during times where manpower is needed.
  • Donald Trump-Clinton was booed by New York elites at a fundraising dinner for Catholic charities after brining up anti papist positions espoused by Hillary Rodham-Clinton and her advisers in wikileaked communications.
  • ViaBTC continues to both exhibit unwarranted self importance and draw an excess of media attention. The Marshall Long affiliated mining operation bills itself as the "most professional" mining pool.
  • Blockstream is setting a target for this November to activate Jim Crow for transaction signatures.
  • Russia Today had their British bank accounts closed.
  • Accidental gay spat / pussy grabbing at random starlet's home.
  • Hillary Rodham-Clinton's fundraisers were further revealed to despair of ever receiving support from Bitcoin due to the fact the other team takes Bitcoin and the inherently conservative nature of Bitcoin.
  • Ecuador cut off internet access for their guest Julian Assange.
  • In a headline this week CoinTelegraph asked:

    What Stands in the Way of Bitcoin Mass Adoption in Africa?

    The answer continues to be the impossibility of mass adoption. Also Africa.

  • R3, the fiat effort that Mike Hearn quit pretending to be a part of Bitcoin to join admitted it has substantial budget difficulties. For details refer to the third bullet point of this Roundup Xtend (TM)(R).
  • The University of Missouri football team lost their homecoming game against unranked non-conference opponent Middle Tennessee. Last year the University's Board of Curators surrendered to demands placed by members of the football team in order to resolve a strike. The University has been rewarded so far this year with a two win five loss record with no wins in conference play. The 51 points allowed by Missouri were the most against a non-conference opponent at home since 1944.

Sorry for your loss.

Nitrocellulose Recategorized As High Explosive In US Through Quiet Physics Defying Ruling

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The United States government quietly reclassified nitrocellulose, a humble plastic with deflagrating1 explosive properties under certain conditions, as a high explosive (archived). For one hundred and fifty-four years nitrocellulose plastic has safely been used in the production of common household objects including guitar picks and table tennis balls.

The safe, deflagrating failure mode of nitrocellulose also makes it the ideal propellant for ammunition and uniquely useful as flash paper in the magician's trade. As a deflagrating "low explosive" the explosive failure moves as a flame front through nitrocellulose at a speed far below that of sound. By contrast in actual "high explosive" material instead of a slow moving flame front explosive failure occurs with detonation and a shock wave that moves faster than the speed of sound.

Due to the greater hazard and handling requirements associated this reclassification effectively amount to a ban on small arms ammunition though US government Blackshirts insist they will not be enforcing this ban at the present. Coverage of this, even in specialist media, is complicated by noise produced by ongoing masturbatory lobbying over the implications of this change for wetted, non-explosive nitrocellulose rendered safe for bulk transport. Before being used in viable ammunition wetted nitrocellulose must first be dried rendering the masturbatory noise moot for end users.

Him in our time.

  1. Commonly referred to as "low explosive"  ↩

Dyn DNS Suffers Packet Inflation, Many Other "Services" Affected

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Dyn DNS is reporting a large-scale DDoS attack on it's servers this morning, which has caused sporadic interruptions of service for users, mainly on the East Coast of the US. Github, Twitter, and Reddit all use the service as their upstream DNS provider and have reported many outages and total downtime lasting hours. DynDNS president released a statement saying:

This morning, October 21, Dyn received a global DDoS attack on our Managed DNS infrastructure in the east coast of the United States. DNS traffic resolved from east coast name server locations are experiencing a service degradation or intermittent interruption during this time. Updates will be posted as information becomes available.

Upon recognition, active mitigation protocols were initiated and have been working to resolve the issues.

Customers with questions or concerns are encouraged to check our status page for updates and reach out to our Technical Support Team.

No information was available as to whom might be behind the attack, leading to speculation that it may have been launched to protest the recent arrest of an aspect of Peace on Earth earlier this week.

Probable Aspect Of Peace On Earth Arrested While The Notorious Quiet And Tranquility Evades Capture

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Reports are emerging that an arrest has been made in the 2012 liberation of passwords from LinkedIn. Police and representatives from LinkedIn allege that Yevgeniy Nikulin is a aspect of the transcendental state commonly referred to as "Peace" acting as an instrument of that notorious quiet and tranquillity on Earth. Nikulin was arrested at a hotel in Prague though law enforcement declined to publicise the arrest until this week, likely in order to harass and entrap other information freedom advocates in communion with Peace.

In recent years Peace appears have been losing interest in Earth and humanity at an accelerating rate as evidenced by escalating violence in places as geographically disparate as Chicago, Nineveh, and James Lafond Presents Baltimore. In fact the alleged aspect of Peace on Earth collapsed after being handcuffed and required hospitalization which suggests that this police aggression caused the vitality of Peace to leave his body.

Peace can not surrender to man. Man must surrender to Him. His will and life, not yours.

2016 Chicago More Violent Than 2015 Chicago By 1000 Shootings So Far

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The year to date number of shootings in Chicago1 has exceeded last year's number at this time by a full thousand. Chicago achieved this increase in shootings without any documented clashes between Pershmerga and ISIS fighters in city limits though the reliability of the local press is lacking. The news would be bearish peace futures, if they were traded at the Chicago Mercantile exchange.

  1. Also known as Chiraq and Chicagabad due to violence comparable to more publicized war zones.  ↩

"Covert" CIA Plan Makes Evening News

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The centerpiece of tonight's episode of the "NBC Evening News" featured an exclusive look at a "COVERT" plan by the CIA to conduct a series of cyber attacks against Russia. The professed aim of these attacks is to embarrass Russian leadership with a particular emphasis on Vladimir Putin. No actual embarrassing has happened yet, but substantial information on the aims of the CIA attack were presented by NBC including the disclosure of private transaction records.

NBC also to a lesser degree covered the now quieting "pussygate" allegations against presidential candidate Donald Trump-Clinton following the candidate's substantial recovery in the polls. As the US presidential election approaches, it appears that next week's mainstream news cycle will be dominated by sitting president Hussein Bahamas abusing his "National Security" authority to advance the Hillary Rodham-Clinton narrative that Russian hackers are going to steal the election when a Diebold will suffice for that purpose.

All is fair in lulz and war.