Category Archives: Russia

The Wail of "Our Democracy"! A Holiday Roundup Xtend Special Edition (TM)(R)

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We bring tidings of lulz in this very Qntra Roundup Xtend Holiday Special Edition.

  • Following a recount of votes, Trump's margin of victory increased in the states where ballots were re-examined, and substantial voter fraud was uncovered in Michigan. It was revealed that in the democratic party stronghold of Detroit far more votes were initially counted than were actually cast, and this fraud favored Trump's challenger Hillary Rodham-Clinton. Officials in Detroit are attributing the fraud to "errors" involving faulty voting machines.  This news did not receive attention in the "mainstream" press.
  • Following a week long divide between the CIA and FBI on whether Russia influenced the election the two agencies came together to believe that Russia was probably involved. Further in a statement the US Secretary of Homeland Security and the Director of National Intelligence1 stated they believe that the sort of hacks observed could have only been ordered by senior Russian officials.
  • Wikileaks continues to assert that the leaked Democratic National Committee lulz came from a party insider.
  • A single spear phishing email reportedly compromised a number of servers at the United States' Department of Defense and the accounts of hundreds of senior officers including a number of Generals were compromised. As a result the Pentagon trashed the old machines, bought new machines, and bought new software licenses with which to refill the machines.
  • Media talking heads taking a "moderate" position on alleged Russian hacking are being moderate by suggesting Russia didn't hack voting machines, but instead "hacked" the voters through social engineering. To them this still amounts to unacceptable "foreign interference".
  • There is minimal discussion on the foreign interference on the election exercised by George Soros, The Guardian, Qatar, and numerous other supporters of Hillary Rodham Clinton's Democratic party.
  • The electoral college meets to submit the actual Presidential vote on Monday. Some especially butthurt fantasies involve the electors, selected for their history of party loyalty, might vote for someone other than the President elect. Another fantasy of the butthurt suggest their meeting be delayed until they can be "briefed" on all the "facts" concerning foreign interference in the election.2
  • Moves in fiat securities and bond markets suggest that with help from the guiding hand of the socialist controlled Federal Reserve, the president elect could be handed an fine handcrafted economic calamity early in his reign.
  • An informal poll of Hillary Rodham Clinton and Donald Trump voters3 suggests that 100% of them would have voted for Vladimir Putin if constitutional eligibility requirements for the Presidency were not a concern.

Peace in our uTime!

  1. Both political appointees from the side that lost the election.  ↩

  2. If such an unconstitutional delay was prolonged indefinitely Hussein Bahamas could conceivably serve as President for life.  ↩

  3. Two total respondents ↩

Not Quite News Roundup Xtend Sex Teens Edition (TM)(R) – Fake News Becomes Meme

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Welcome to the sex teens edition of the Qntra Not Quite News Roundup Xtend (TM)(R). The below events are alleged to have happened, but they are decidedly innocent of newsworthiness.

  • Fidel Castro, the scion of a sugar industry fortune, has died of complications related to being 90 years old. Fidel leveraged his priviledged beginnings into a decades long reign as supreme leader of Cuba. As leader of Cuba Fidel was literally the Grinch, as he cancelled Christmas celebrations on the island for the 29 years between 1969 and 1998. After transferring supreme leadership of the island to his brother, Fidel lived long enough to see United States president Hussein Bahamas surrender to Cuba ending the Cold War.
  • Wildfires ravaged much of the northern and central portions of Israel. 23 have been detained on suspicion of arson.
  • The Green Party in the United States has been raising substantial sums this week under the guise of using it to petition for a ballot recount in the country's recent Presidential election. Jill Stein and the Green Party have raised more than 5 million United States dollars for the effort so far. Stein and the Green Party's presidential campaign only raised 3.51 million US dollars for their presidential campaign. Every time they have approached their fundraising goal they have raised it, under the guise of "expected costs", from an initial 2.5 million dollars to 7 million.
  • Various socialist "idea people" are all supposing that members of the Electoral College deliver the United States presidency to someone other than the President Elect.Various appeals are being made to the popular vote, interview out take footage, and the questionable bits of constitutional trivia though the leading sobbing plea against their fellow Americans at the moment still appears to be "muh feels". The Electoral college convenes in each of the 50 state capitols on December 19th.
  • On January 6th the newly elected GOP dominated House of Representatives gets to review the decision of the electoral college. The house may confer with the senate to reject the electoral votes of any state. Congress stripped Arkansas and Louisiana of their electoral votes in the 1872 presidential contest.
  • The Bill Gates (WoT:nonperson) and Mark Zuckerburg (WoT:nonperson) funded Bridge International Academies in Uganda have been ordered to close for sanitary as well as life and safety violations.
  • CNN did not show 30 minutes of pornography to Boston area cable subscribers, but this did not stop CNN from "admitting" that they did show the imaginary pornography.
  • The R3 consortium is losing member banks now that the time for paying dues is coming around. One could say they have a Mike Hearnia. The consortium is also sending cease and desist letters to critics suggesting there is existing prior art against R3's fiat patent applications for various inventions. No applications for patent nor declarations of invention have been filed by any representative of R3 thus far in the only jurisdiction that matters.
  • This weeks most under discussed altcoin is ModiCash, the failed rupee hardfork Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi advanced which would have rendered 86% of circulating Indian currency invalid. The rules of the program, which are changing several times a day, allow Indians a limited window to exchange their rupees for fully validated ModiBucks. The move has been framed as an effort to combat tax evasion and graft but is turning into an astounding opportunity to profit from tax evasion and graft. One point two billion times, Sorry for your loss.
  • Fake news is becoming the meme of the US Democratic Party's loss. Having failed to find the serenity necessary to accept the will of their fellow Americans after having imposed 8 years of Hussein Bahamas, the lefter American left1 ranked all of the scapegoats they could lean on to scapegoat rather than accept their loss. Their list read Rednecks, Russians, and "Russian" fake news. With fears that the rednecks could beat them up, "Fake news" is their enemy number 1. "Fake news" to them means any outlet that wasn't certain Hillary had the election won, for the right reasons, all of they way from April through November 8th.

"Teen horniness is not a crime" – Krista Now

  1. As opposed to the Greater Again American left.  ↩

US Sports Team Loses Bidding War To Russian Sports Team For Sportsman

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For the third consecutive year Avanguard Omsk has outbid the Saint Louis Blues for the affections of Czech ice hockey player Vladimir Sobotka. Over the past two years the Blues have tried to cast Sobotka's choice to participate in the Kontinental Hockey League club Avanguard as a "development" move allowing Sobotka more playing time to hone his skills "back home"1 when the simple fact is they've been beat at the money game.

For decades the extravagant spending of the advertising industry in the United States allowed American spectator sports teams to enjoy their pick of top players from the international market, but as the United States continues to become concretely poorer in absolute terms decisions like Vladimir Sobotka's are likely to become more common among sportsmen.

  1. Omsk is in Siberia which is not Sobotka's temperate Czech homeland. Siberia is inside Russia, and Russia is far enough from the Czech Republic that the two separate countries do not share any borders.  ↩

Putin Providing Material Support To Trump-Clinton Candidacy

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As the candidacies of Donald Trump-Clinton and Hilary Rodham-Clinton have begun facing struggles these past few week in their respective races to replace Hussein Bahamas as the president of the United States, Russian president Vladimir Putin has decided to give their campaigns a shot in the arm. Putins aid has come in the form of bringing national security back in mix of froth being fed into the social engineering hopper. For the past few days Russian SU-24 warplanes have been making simulated attack runs against the guided missile destroyer USS Donald Cook. The warplanes have been making the passes without any visible armament and have reportedly come within 30 feet of the ship. A Russian KA-27 helicopter has even joined in the fun circling the Donald Cook several times. How much of an effect Putin's intervention in the remaining portion of the primary election process has remains to be seen.

Russian Communists Seek To Emulate United States Socialists With Asset Forfeiture

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Russia Today reports that two communist legislators are trying to bring United States style asset forfeiture back into the Russian legal system as a penalty for extralegal pharmaceutical entrepreneurs (archived). Asset forfeiture which came into popularity with United States "law enforcement" with the "War on Drugs" has of course expanded to become a default punishment for all kinds of behavior the United States Government has decided is undesirable. Assumptions about asset forfeiture have become so engrained into the United States legal system that surprise was in no short supply when New Zealand rejected assertions by United States Department of "Justice" that there is nothing wrong with using asset forfeiture to deny defendants access to resources necessary to their legal defense.

Disgraced Gavin of "Global Warming" Government-Scaling "Debate" Moves On to Alt-Kook

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We find (from the Washington Правда) that James Hansen (conspiracist nutjob chiefly famous for going on about "global warming" long before it became the official USG party line) has moved on to playing with the little rocks on President Bahamas' beaches. Continue reading →

US Offers Reward For Capture Of Retailer Of Cryptolocker Related Botnet

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The U.S. State Department has announced a reward of up to USD $3 million1 for information leading to the arrest and/or conviction of Russian national Evgeniy Mikhailovich Bogachev. Bogachev is wanted by the FBI for numerous alleged cybercrimes including an association with a botnet named Gameover ZeuS. Continue reading →

  1. Payable in bezzlars, not bitcoin. ↩