An officer (WOT:nonperson) of one of the many "law enforcement" agencies associated with the United States Department of Homeland Security apparently broke today and killed people outside of the scope of its service to the criminal gang in Washington, DC. Two plainclothes "Law enforcement" officers (WOT:nonpersons) whose service to the regime was unaffected by the glitch experienced by the defective officer reportedly followed him around a shopping center for approximately an hour trying to find a polite opportunity to bring him in for maintenance.
Category Archives: North America
United States Surveillance Court Rejected No Orders In 2015
News has emerged that the United States Foreign Surveillance Intelligence Court which serves the criminal gang in Washington DC had rejected no requested surveillance orders presented for its consideration by gang members. This is just the latest in a long line of examples of various designer courts and magistrates existing merely to serve the criminal element in a role that has more in common with their police detectives than anything an actual jurist does. Meanwhile endangered actual jurists surviving in the United States tend to serve on appellate courts where their docket is filled with questions concerning the conduct of public entertainment which deprives them of the opportunity to effectively keep the lower courts miscarriages of justice in check. Sorry for your laws.
Next US President To Be A Clinton
With Cowboy Ted Cruz dropping out of the race for the GOP nomination tonight Donald Trump-Clinton (WOT:nonperson) is virtually assured the nomination of the United States' minor socialist party. This combined with the major socialist party's rigged contest favoring Hillary Rodham Clinton (WOT:nonperson, aliases include Clitler) means that the successor to Hussein Bahamas (WOT:nonperson) is assured to be a Clinton. It also means that that the next US president will go into office with an existing horrible resume as a sysadmin. Peace in our time.
USG Stockpile Of Petrocheese Hits New High
As prices for dairy products continue to sink in the United States numerous sources are reporting the criminal gang in Washington DC claiming to govern has a stockpile of American (Petro)cheese and the hoard's size has hit a new all time high at 1.2 billion pounds. Each pound of Petrocheese contains 1685 kilocalories of "food" energy. If the stockpile were release to public markets all at once it would have the potential of adding approximately 577,714,286 further pounds of adipose tissue to the Obeast and TransMayo problem in the United States. Because of the peculiar ways Petrocheese varies from actual cheese including its tendency to merely dry out instead ageing, the entire Petrocheese stockpile is being kept in cold storage.
Qntra Correspondent Infiltrates Trump-Clinton Luncheon
Arriving at the Hyatt Regency Airport Hotel via UberX at roughly 8:00 AM I was quickly cleared by hotel staff to cross the police line around the hotel and enter into the main lobby. The California Republican Convention was kicking off here today, and "TRUS-TED" (dash added) posters plastered all walls, along with an occasional Kasich poster. After waiting in three different lines, I obtained a lanyard and Donald Trump-Clinton luncheon ticket and immediately began waiting in another much longer line to be cleared by a Secret Service agent. Continue reading
US Congress Considers Expanding Authority Of Bureaucratic Magistrates
Neatly mirroring the decaying implementation of Justice in the Soviet Union fifty years prior, The United States Congress is considering changing the Federal Rules of Criminal Procedure in a way that greatly favors police and prosecutors. Chief among this changes is broadening the authority of sub-judicial magistrate "judges" (functionally they are police station gonzos, working mostly as police detectives) to issue warrants and have their warrants recognized outside of their immediate jurisdiction. Due to their para-judicial role indented to supplement actual judges magistrates have traditionally had their limited authority end at the border of their immediate district's borders. The proposed changes are presented in full below: Continue reading
Politically Inclined Serial Child Molester Gets 15 Months In Prison
Former United States Speaker of the House and second in the line of succession for the Presidency Dennis Hastert admitted during a sentencing hearing today that as a wrestling coach he would molest grappling students that he found in the locker room alone. In the time since Hastert left coaching high school grappling he went on to have a second career in politics reaching one of the highest elected offices in the criminal gang based in Washington DC which professes to govern the United States. One grappler upon whom Hastert lewdly imposed his sexual will in the locker room is now reportedly a successful banking executive in his fifties while another died from AIDS during the 1990's. Hastert's 15 month sentence is more than twice the six month sentence recommended by federal prosecutors and far less than Ross Ulbricht's life sentence and 183,961,921 United States dollar fine for trying to do the tech startup thing. The former locker room predator arrived in a wheel chair having become elderly and suffering a stroke in the decades after moving on from the job which allowed him to hunt strapping young men.
It is unknown how many children recent house speakers Newt Gingrich, Nancy Pelosi, John Boehner, or current speaker Paul Ryan may have molested.
Socialist Cuts Jobs On Campaign Trail
Acknowledging his campaign to derail a Clinton coronation at the Major United States Socialist Party's national convention isn't in the best of health, Bernie Sanders today announced that he would be "laying off" a number of paid campaign staff members. In socialism everyone is equally without worth and equally unpaid. Sorry for your loss.
US Appeals Court Takes Time To Rule On Sportsball Case
Today the Unites States Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit took time out of its day to uphold a 4 game suspension of Tom Brady for cheating in a playoff game according to the rules of the sportsball league. Rather than issue a ruling on any of the legal injustices occuring constantly in the United States, the justices instead chose to issue a ruling on the rules of sportsball consistent with the sportsball league's internal rules.
Failing Radioactive Waste Tanks At Hanford Site Put Pacific Coast On Edge
Various news sources are reporting that as the nuclear waste containment tanks at the Hanford Site along the Columbia River in Washington State age well beyond their 50 year service life leaks are increasing with at least one tank in a condition that could charitably be described as complete failure (archived). A United States Department of Energy Politruk described the horrific outcome as an "anticipated" side effect of efforts to empty the failed tank. The Hanford site is a part of Manhattan Project National Historical Park and administered jointly by the National Park Service and the Department of Energy. Continue reading