Category Archives: North America

Not Quite News Roundup Xtend Sex Teens Edition (TM)(R) – Fake News Becomes Meme

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Welcome to the sex teens edition of the Qntra Not Quite News Roundup Xtend (TM)(R). The below events are alleged to have happened, but they are decidedly innocent of newsworthiness.

  • Fidel Castro, the scion of a sugar industry fortune, has died of complications related to being 90 years old. Fidel leveraged his priviledged beginnings into a decades long reign as supreme leader of Cuba. As leader of Cuba Fidel was literally the Grinch, as he cancelled Christmas celebrations on the island for the 29 years between 1969 and 1998. After transferring supreme leadership of the island to his brother, Fidel lived long enough to see United States president Hussein Bahamas surrender to Cuba ending the Cold War.
  • Wildfires ravaged much of the northern and central portions of Israel. 23 have been detained on suspicion of arson.
  • The Green Party in the United States has been raising substantial sums this week under the guise of using it to petition for a ballot recount in the country's recent Presidential election. Jill Stein and the Green Party have raised more than 5 million United States dollars for the effort so far. Stein and the Green Party's presidential campaign only raised 3.51 million US dollars for their presidential campaign. Every time they have approached their fundraising goal they have raised it, under the guise of "expected costs", from an initial 2.5 million dollars to 7 million.
  • Various socialist "idea people" are all supposing that members of the Electoral College deliver the United States presidency to someone other than the President Elect.Various appeals are being made to the popular vote, interview out take footage, and the questionable bits of constitutional trivia though the leading sobbing plea against their fellow Americans at the moment still appears to be "muh feels". The Electoral college convenes in each of the 50 state capitols on December 19th.
  • On January 6th the newly elected GOP dominated House of Representatives gets to review the decision of the electoral college. The house may confer with the senate to reject the electoral votes of any state. Congress stripped Arkansas and Louisiana of their electoral votes in the 1872 presidential contest.
  • The Bill Gates (WoT:nonperson) and Mark Zuckerburg (WoT:nonperson) funded Bridge International Academies in Uganda have been ordered to close for sanitary as well as life and safety violations.
  • CNN did not show 30 minutes of pornography to Boston area cable subscribers, but this did not stop CNN from "admitting" that they did show the imaginary pornography.
  • The R3 consortium is losing member banks now that the time for paying dues is coming around. One could say they have a Mike Hearnia. The consortium is also sending cease and desist letters to critics suggesting there is existing prior art against R3's fiat patent applications for various inventions. No applications for patent nor declarations of invention have been filed by any representative of R3 thus far in the only jurisdiction that matters.
  • This weeks most under discussed altcoin is ModiCash, the failed rupee hardfork Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi advanced which would have rendered 86% of circulating Indian currency invalid. The rules of the program, which are changing several times a day, allow Indians a limited window to exchange their rupees for fully validated ModiBucks. The move has been framed as an effort to combat tax evasion and graft but is turning into an astounding opportunity to profit from tax evasion and graft. One point two billion times, Sorry for your loss.
  • Fake news is becoming the meme of the US Democratic Party's loss. Having failed to find the serenity necessary to accept the will of their fellow Americans after having imposed 8 years of Hussein Bahamas, the lefter American left1 ranked all of the scapegoats they could lean on to scapegoat rather than accept their loss. Their list read Rednecks, Russians, and "Russian" fake news. With fears that the rednecks could beat them up, "Fake news" is their enemy number 1. "Fake news" to them means any outlet that wasn't certain Hillary had the election won, for the right reasons, all of they way from April through November 8th.

"Teen horniness is not a crime" – Krista Now

  1. As opposed to the Greater Again American left.  ↩

USG.Navy Loses More Personnel Information

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134,000+ names and social security numbers of Navy personnel were accessed by an unknown individuals, according to a report by the NCIS on Wednesday. HP Enterprise services notified the Navy on October 27th that one of it's employees had their laptop breached, though officials say there is no evidence the liberated data had been misused at this time. The data was part of the Career Waypoints database, which sailors use to submit re-enlistment or Military Occupation Specialty job requests. The Navy has stated it will be offering credit monitoring services for those affected and will contact the affected personnel by phone, email, and post to advise them of their loss.

Are All Yall Children Ready To Die: 6th Child Dies After School Bus Wreck In Tennessee

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The Bus DriverA sixth child died as a result of a school bus wreck earlier this week. Twenty-four year old Johnthony Walker was just starting another week of work driving other people's children to school when he asked his charges "Are yall ready to die?" before carrying on in a manner than lead the bus to tip over and get cleaved by a utility pole. Five children died the day of the crash before this latest fatality. Five more children remain hospitalized as a result of this crash.

No drugs or alcohol were found in Johnthony's bodily fluids by the police. Durham School Services CEO David Duke1 expressed remorse over the incident in a video statement.

Pence in our time.

  1. Not that David Duke.  ↩

Yeezus Cancels US Tour Dates After Backlash Against His Support For Trumpreich

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Kanye West, the father of Kim Kardashian's children, cancelled the remaining United States portion of his "Saint Pablo" tour after his public declaration of support for the President Elect lead to backlash from socialist agitators. Last Thursday the self declared Yeezus, genius, and voice of a generation came onstage in Sacramento and proceeded to condemn Hillary Rodham-Clinton, Beyonce, Jay-Z, and the radio industry for their continued support of destructive socialist politicians and policies. Kanye West also admonished his fellow black people to stop talking about race so much. The rapper who called out George W. Bush for not caring about black people in the wake of Hurricane Katrina is now being condemned as a "white nationalist" by the same socialist media that once lionized and fawned over him.

Not Quite News Roundup Xtend 14 (TM)(R) – The Great Again Cometh

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Welcome to the fourteenth edition of the Qntra Not Quite News Roundup Xtend (TM)(R). The below events are alleged to have happened, but they are decidedly innocent of newsworthiness.

  • Violent protests continue in major American metropolitan centers as NEETs continue adapting to their new employment. Amid the continued economic stimulus wrought by the mere likelihood of The Great Again, one protester in Portland was shot by an African American male in his late teens who fired into the crowd and fled by motor carriage.
  • An 18 year old student at the University of Louisiana Lafayette faces charges of filing a false police report after she confessed that she falsified her initial report that two white men attacked her and stole her hijab. She admitted that she was actually not attacked. There is no word on what actions may be taken against her by the University of Louisiana Lafayette for her bias incident intended to incite crime against white men.
  • This week's altcoin drawing unwarranted attention is "our democracy".
  • Numerous similar unsubstantiated reports of attacks against persons who are not white men have been receiving substantial attention in the mainstream media without any details being provided. The attacks are simply being referred to as a "wave" with few particular incidents at all being described. Meanwhile numerous racially motivated attacks against white men and women are being committed with the attackers assuming their victims must have voted for Trump due to their whiteness.
  • Vagrant "overdoses" continue in downtown St Louis. There still have been no fatalities reported, but the number of vagrants hospitalized is approaching one hundred.
  • Social media has been flooded by calls for violence by radical leftists in the United States following a dramatic defeat of the country's major socialist party in the recent election. The major socialist party lost on nearly every single national or statewide office on the ballot outside of Illinois and municipal offices in urban metropolitan areas.
  • Four Americans, two soldiers and two contractors, were killed during a bombing inside Bagram Air base in Afghanistan. The bomber was also killed in the blast.
  • The Trans Pacific Partnership trade agreement is now dead. The two thousand plus page agreement negotiated in secret required an untold number of bureaucrat centuries to compile.
  • The manner in which the Trumpreich will obliterate Obamacare is in flux with congressional members of the GOP supposing to fill the void with a less oppressive but equally spendy beast that will continue throw value into the financial black hole that is the American healthcare system.
  • Marine La Pen's chances of becoming the next French prime minister continue to improve as called on Qntra back in June.
  • Colin Kaepernick, Blaine Gabbert's backup quarterback, after protesting American politics by kneeling during the national anthem confession that he did not care about American politics enough to vote in the election.
  • After a brief fundraising boom, OpenBSD is failing to meet their new, more ambitious fundraising goals. The amount of funds presently raised however appears sufficient to keep the lights on.
  • There is speculation that "our democracy" will handle the question of Hillary Rodham-Clinton and Huma Weiner's criminal activity by opening token prosecutions of the two allowing Hussein Bahamas to officially pardon them to avoid prevent actual prosecution via the constitutional prohibition on "double jeopardy".
  • Many who warned of the crisis to "our democracy" presented if Trump and his supporters refused to accept the election's outcome are now refusing to accept the election's outcome, if that wasn't clear already from recent events.
  • In spite of the campaign to replace the United States Government with the Trumpreich's promises to drain the swamp in the US capital, there has been no discussion of any particulars regarding dykes, weirs, or pumps to conduct the necessary removal of water. Everything has been focused on the removal of socialist politruks.
  • There is an outstanding demand for to replace the antiquated Reich's domain name system with a Republican alternative.

Uncertainty reigns as The Great Again approaches. Keep coming back and wait for The Great Again to happen.

Trump Voter Lynched In Chicago For Supporting The Great Again

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A gathering of urban black youths in Chicago savagely lynched an older white Donald Trump voter to near death in Chicago after Hillary Clinton's loss began the summoning of the Great Again. There is no credible information yet on the Great Again's disposition to urban America, but it is possible that continued racially motivated violence may cause the Great again to treat the urban population with disfavor.

Duterte Welcomes US Trumpreich And Looks Forward To Warm Relations

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Phillipine President Rodrigo Duterte (WOT:unknown/undisclosed) said he was a "small molecule" compared to the United States President Elect and said he would honor agreements between the Phillipines and the incoming United States government. Duterte praised their shared "passion to serve".Previously Duterte called the lame duck President Hussein Bahamas a "son of a whore" causing the outgoing US President to cancel a meeting at ASEAN over his hurt feelings.

St Louis Homeless Overdose On Fake Weed As The Great Again Looms

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Multiple dozens of homeless persons have been carted away from the grounds of the New Life Evangelistic Center in down town St Louis, Missouri after overdosing on fake marijuana. At 11 am Wednesday police chief Sam Dotson drove by the site while 11 homeless individuals had gone to the ground during a 20 minute interval. The New Life Evangelistic Center is a homeless shelter at 14th and Locus near the heart of the city and its occupancy permit has been revoked since May 2015. Keep smiling for the coming of the Great Again looms large1 over America.

  1. Clinically obese by body mass index ↩

Hillary Rodham-Clinton Loses Election

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Hillary Rodham-Clinton lost the election to become the next United States president. Donald Trump-Clinton is on track to become the next United States president provided he survives to inauguration day and doesn't decide to quit, because in those instances Mike Pence will become the next President. Token legal challenges will likely proceed in an effort to change the allocation of some electoral votes though currently Donald Trump-Clinton holds 276 of the necessary 270 electoral votes with 27 outstanding votes from Michigan and Arizona yet to be determined.

For people who find this outcome unacceptable please direct your blame to Donna Brazile, your political party, and your candidate in that order. Sorry for your loss.