Attendees Drugged At Brock Pierce Linked Event

At a New York conference nominally about "cryptos" attendees reported being drugged en mass after consuming ambiguously labeled items from the menu that were infused with cannabis extracts (archived). The adventurous caterer allegedly went beyond the traditional drug infused desert items and managed to drug menu items as varied as hot sauce, cocktails, and olives while a DJ was spinning "electronic dance music" throughout the event. This appears to have been a very Amir Taaki effort on the part of the event's organizers.

Pantsuit Nashville Mayor Resigns While Admitting To Theft

Earlier today Megan Barry ceased to be the mayor of Nashville, Tennessee. A former "rising star" of the pantsuit movement Barry resigned as Mayor after pleading guilty to theft charges. The nature of the theft charges were not disclosed in court. The plea however includes compensating Nashville for wages paid to cover the services of Barry's bodyguard Sgt. Robert Forrest1 with whom Barry engaged in frequent extramarital sex while Forrest was drawing regular and overtime pay from the city.


  1. Possible relationships to local populist folk hero Nathaniel Bedford Forrest are unknown  

Public Bailout Of Bezos Bungle Continues In Indiana

Regional accreditors have given approval to a plan which would allow Indiana's Purdue University, a public institution, to bail out Jeff Bezos' expensive education bungle "Kaplan University" in a deal which delivers the Bezos venture relief from the costs of operating the school. The Bezos venture will still be involved after selling the money sink to Purdue for a nominal sum. Kaplan is positioned to receive an unknown amount of ongoing income for delivering "marketing" and ancilliary "services" to Purdue.

"Facebook Live" Fails To Stop Man With Gun, One Dead

A North Carolina man was shot while using Facebook's Live video feature to "out" suspected drug dealers in his community (archived). Both parties involved in the incident have felony convictions for selling cocaine, however the party armed with a firearm survived while the party armed with social media did not. The deceased's last words were:

"You on Live"

Police Chief Donnie Gay who talked to the social media wielder "on Live" minutes before the shooting offered that he though the fellow would get beat up rather than getting shot dead for recreationally outing drug dealers.

US Customs And Border Patrol Allegedly Has Never Been Able To Check Signatures On Passport RFID Data

Thirteen years after introducing RFID implanted passports and applying pressure to compel their adoption, allegations are emerging that the US Customs and Border Patrol service has never implemented a means for checking digital signatures on the information contained in the passport RFID chips (archived).

Missouri Governor Arrested By Saint Louis Pantsuits For "Invasion of Privacy" Allegations

The Governor of Missouri, Eric Grietens, has been arrested following an indictment by Saint Louis, Missouri Circuit Attorney Kim Gardner alleging (archived):

…Greitens violated a Missouri statute that makes it a felony if a person transmits the image contained in the photograph or film in a manner that allows access to that image via a computer.

Greitens was elected to office as part of the Great Again wave in Fall 2016 which brought President Trump into office. Before taking office as Governor elect, Greitens' wife Sheena was robbed at gunpoint in the city of Saint Louis.

The Governor of the State that contains Saint Louis was booked at the "Saint Louis Justice Center" and is being released from the jail on a personal recognizance bond without travel restrictions. Pantsuit continues thrashing.

Buttfunder Founder Montroll Arrested

The U.S. Department of [in]Justice has arrested the founder of BitFunder, Jon Montroll (WOT:nonperson) – better known as Ukyo – in response to an investigation by The FBI and the Securities and Exchange Commission. BitFunder was an early Bitcoin "securities exchange" that saw around 6000 BTC liberated from it's coffers due to a bug that allowed attackers to credit themselves funds among other lulz. The announcement on the Department of [in]Justice website alleges that Montroll lied to SEC investigators in 2013 when questioned in regards to company finances after the hack, while depositing some of his own coins to BitFund in an effort to conceal the SFYL. Mr. Montroll has been charged with two counts of perjury and a single count of obstruction of justice.

Having Dumped Dratel Ulbricht Continues Facing Grim Trial Aftermath

Earlier this month the three year window for Ross Ulbricht to seek a new trial through a Rule 33 motion passed. Katherine Forrest denied a motion from Ulbricht's new attorney Paul Grant to grant an extension in light of Ulbricht's previous counsel Joshual Dratel having perfomed the greatest failure in modern legal history.

Meanwhile a seperate set of attorneys retained by Ulbricht's family is seperately working to try to unravel the Dratel inflicted mess in the empire's appelate courts (archived).

Former FBI Director Prepares Constitutional Crisis In United States With Indictments

Former FBI Director Robert Mueller acting as a "Special Counsel" has indicted 13 Russian nationals and one organization for engaging in political speech. The indictments are based on laws which nominally prohibit foreign nationals from engaging in US Federal Elections. Challenges to the laws which would arise from a serious legal defense citing the Consitution's protection of free speech and a free press would likely either result in their gutting to the point of uselessness or the disenfranchisement of many pantsuit supporters that happen to be undocumented foreign nationals physically present in the United States.

The indeterminism inherent in the US Courts Circus makes predicting which outcome arises, provided the case is litigated at all, a challenge, but either way the squeeze is in.