Kim Kardashian Bound, Gagged, and Robbed After Social Media Use

Kim Kardashian was bound, gagged, and robbed during a home invasion of the Parisian hotel apartment she shares with Yeezus (archived). The heist has been described in the populist media as "well planned" an attribute likely assisted by Kardashian's prolific use of social media. Using social media Kardashian uploaded substantial photo and videographic information of the residence that was likely of tremendous value for the home invaders, 10 million1 United States dollars of informational value if the reports circulating in the popular press are to be believed. Sorry for your loss.


  1. My has the value of these things dropped.  

After Recent Leak North Sea Lubricated To Spec Per BP's Assessment

A BP oil platform located in the North Sea experienced Sorry For Your Loss on Sunday by leaking 95 tons of oil following a technical issue. The spill is being monitored by air and the company "believes that allowing the oil to disperse naturally at sea is the best way to deal with the spill, although other options have not been ruled out." The release was contained within approximately an hour of it occurring though officials said the platform, located about 46 miles off the coast of Shetland, is still offline. Scottish officials with the Royal Society for the Protection of Birds are said to be investigating what impact the accident would have on wildlife in and around the Atlantic. The spill is said to be around two times smaller than another similar spill that occurred on Shell’s Gannet platform in 2011.

Nth French Republic Sending Tourists To Belgium For Death

In an attempt to ease the pain of the lost business from folks who can no longer stand the stench of the Nth Republic centred in Al-Paris, Brugmann University hospital’s Michele Morret-Rauis wants to assure the world that all is well :

Of course, Belgium is not here to euthanize half the planet.

Of course! If half the planet lived under the unbearable burden of multicultural socialism, then maybe, but thankfully that's not the case, and only Europe and the Americas1 are so offensively afflicted. Nonetheless, "euthanasia tourists" are flocking to Belgium in droves, with assisted suicides doubling to 2`023 in the last five years alone, nearly half of which are French (archived). Rest in Peace in our Time.


  1. Or just ~2/7 billion homo sapiens on Earth. 

Brexit Fallout : Illiterate British Justice Enacts Breach of European Declaration of Human Rights into British Legal Precedent

Sir Edward James Holman, born 1947, of the High Court of England and Wales, recently had this much to say in a divorce proceeding :

I have to say that I do not find it very ediffying that people in this financial bracket should be taking up a day of court time over a sum which to them, though not to others, is objectively so small. However, agreement has not been reached and I must rule.

Leaving aside the solipsistic spelling style bestowed on the otherwise innocent word "edifying", as well as a certain unfamiliarity with its meaning apparent from context1 ; and also leaving aside the ridiculous happenstance whereby the justice out of his own free will & ineptitude published matter into the public record (a right which he has), after which out of his own delusional ignorance decided he may proceed to take it back (a right which he neither has nor could possibly acquire) – this declaration also annuls previously good law in England and Wales, specifically Article 6(1) of the ECHR :

In the determination of his civil rights and obligations or of any criminal charge against him, everyone is entitled to a fair and public hearing within a reasonable time by an independent and impartial tribunal established by law.

Apparently in the newly constructed Ingsoc Republic, successor state of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland after the latter's dissolution of its compact with the other states forming the European Union, the fundamental right of access to a fair trial by an impartial tribunal no longer applies ; instead an obscure system of quotas based on the petitioner's total wealth is to be employed.

In this novel and as of yet not fully documented approach to legal matters, a subject's total wealth – be it a pound or a billion pounds – entitles him to a fixed amount of court time. On that basis, the fractions of that wealth entitle him to fractions of that unit time, so a man who sues to recover a million when his total wealth is two million has better standing than a man who sues to recover a million when his total wealth is ten million.

It is perfectly understandable that Mr. Justice Holman has serious trouble foreseeing the necessary results of that naive policy ; but then again he also has serious trouble comprehending the apparently intricate workings of publication as a one way street; or for that matter the correct English spelling of reasonably common words.

With such great men, what need has England of any sheeps?


  1. Edifying is that which informs in a dispositive manner. 

Merkel Regime To Broaden Issuance Of Driving Bans In Germany

Reports are emerging that the Angela Merkel regime in Germany is prepared to push through new legislation that would make drivers license revocation a common sanction for non-driving related "crimes" against the Zher majesty the EuroFührer Angela Merkel. While much of the public justification for the new measures involve detering youth crime (archived), suggested offenses include failing to pay child support as an absentee parent. Naturally the measure would be used to punish dissidents as "hate speech" would be similarly subject to driving license revocation. The new motoring sanctions would be levelled in combination with the EuroFührer's most popular sanction, the suspended prison sentence. This adds to the threat of arbitrary imprisonment for violating the sentence's suspension1 further punishment in the form of travel restrictions. Sorry for your laws, but papers please.


  1. Because why judicially imprison someone after trial when you can administratively imprison them later.  

EU Trying A Bitcoin Registry Seeing How Regulation Fails

The EU supposes that if they can't actually regulate Bitcoin, they can make a registry for it. The proposed central registry would be fed data through all cyrptocurrency wallet providers and exchanges operating within European Union member nations. Law enforcement agencies across the Europe Union would have access to the registry under the pretense anti-terrorism.1 Sorry for your laws.


  1. You know terrorism like #Brexit, Italeave, and Departugal.  

France And Germany Bond Over Mass Killings

Following a solo shopping mall putsch in Munich, Germany and France have decided to strengthen ties and increase their security cooperation. While the alleged mall shooter in Germany fits the traditional American profile of the angry white aspie spree killer, France has become a raging front in the war between ISIS/ISIL/Daesh and the west.

The reignited bromantic passion between the French and Germans comes as Britain decided to leave the European Union. It is uncertain how much violence it would take to strengthen the bonds between European Union remainers in order to head off Departugal, Italeave, et al.

Bastille Day Truck Attack In Nice, France

In Nice, France a man attacked a crowd celebrating "Bastille Day" by using a truck as a weapon. Details about the incident are developing with estimates suggesting 30-50 at least 60 73 deaths and no according to early official statements on the number of casualties. This early media provided estimate suggests the total number of fatalities in this incident could greatly exceed those achieved in the recent Orlando gaybar shooting.This incident seems to support the late Timothy McVeigh's hypothesis that a well aimed motor vehicle makes a far more effective weapon of terror than any rifle.

In news of indeterminate relation to the Nice attack, a truck near the Eiffel tower in Paris reportedly had a cargo full of fireworks begin to ignite.