Category Archives: Altcoins

Buterin's Waterfall Unveils Log Plume To Wood Chipper Ride

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Tumultuous storms rocked the Buterin's Waterfall amusementarium Friday morning, after an alleged hack caused prices to plummet against Bitcoin. Coinmarketcap.com showed the DAO1 down -20.34%, with Ether dipping -12.07 % over the past 24 hours. A blog post on slock.it informed users that no funds would be lost due to this "race to empty" bug. To support their claims, a hand-drawn morale graph was offered for assurances. Lacking immutability, ride operators suggested "rolling back" their blockchain to make the hack's effects2 magically vanish. Sorry for your loss.

  1. The Waterfall's newest ride the DAO adds a new twist to the classic log Flume by ending with riders entering a wood chipper instead of a SplashCam(TM)(R)  ↩

  2. And any other things that happened on the blockcain concurrently..  ↩

Acquihired Changetip Can't Unload Actual Changetip "Business"

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CoinDesk would like you to know that their sibling under a shared corporate parent, ChangeCoin is still reporting trouble selling the micro transaction framework ChangeTip since its sale to Airbnb back in April. (archived) Changetip/Changecoin raised almost ~4 million US dollars in it's first round of investor funding before their lack of a sustainable revenue model became an issue. Qntra has previously reported on the woes facing failed spam service back in April. As part of their money in, nothing out philosophy they raised an additional $640,00 in January 2016 after announcing they had run out of funds before the sale.

When Qntra reported on Changetip's phasing in of withdrawal fees back in December 2015 Changetip's Victoria van Eyk (WOT:nonperson) offered the following in the comments:

Please stop this kind of hate. We're not a spamming service. In fact, people use our service for good all the time – just ask any of the 20 charities we support via our platform, or any of the bloggers and musicians who have been delighted at receiving donations for their content.

I'm sorry if you've experienced spam.

The 1% withdrawal fee has always been in the plan, and has simply been prolonged for over a year now. But of course you don't focus on the awesomeness of having used a free service, you choose to focus on the fact that we're only implementing it now.
And yes, transactions cost money to hit the blockchain. Usually anything of value costs value in return.

We didn't "employ a(n) /r/Bitcoin moderator in an effort to avoid complete shunning" – that is just simply inaccurate. We employed BashCo because he was a ChangeTip supporter from the very early days, and we like compensating people for their time, energy and effort.

From my personal point of view, it's sad to see such negative posts like this. The whole community seems to want bitcoin to succeed, but they lambast and throw insults at any company working hard to do it. It's a real shame.

The Bitcoin community had a huge opportunity to help shape ChangeTip into something beautiful to use to help bitcoin adoption forward, and largely has allowed negativity to consume this possibility.

-Victoria1

  1. The lack of a GPG signature or WoT presence makes this statement's authorship not definitively verifiable though information suggests it was actually her statement, this is a challenge for those attempting to do business as WoTless nonpersons.  ↩

US Air Force Fraud Investigations Lost

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As mentioned in an article by Mircea Popescu's on Clinton infosec failures, United States Air Force fraud and abuse investigations dating back to 2004 were lost when a database became corrupted. Lockheed Martin did not notify the Air Force of the catastrophic failure until two weeks after it occurred. Amongst the 12 years worth of lulz lost were files belonging to the USAF Inspector General’s office that detailed personal information and allegations of cases of fraud, waste and abuse. The involved parties are seeking assistance from outside data recovery forms to assess the situation and see if any of the information can be restored. Sorry for your loss.

Clinton And Major Socialist Party Data Released By Hero

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Hillary Clinton (WOT:nonperson) and the US Idiot Party proved their incompetence for the millionth time recently by managing to lose control over a bunch of secret (and a lot more merely embarrassing) documents.

It's true that the USG has a rich history of shredding incriminating evidence by the pail while "suspecting no foul play" through the convenient mechanism of "technological mishaps". Nevertheless, there's a difference between pretending to not know what backups are in order to get rid of embarrassing details of multi-billion dollar graft surrounding the world's most expensive airplane-submarine, and failing to lock the heart shaped brass fixture on the Super Secret Teenage Neutered Ninja Turtles diary.

As Clinton is already famous for managing to rape more laws than Petraeus (WOT:nonperson) while avoiding any sort of prosecution (unlike Petraeus), the USG Derpage Department kicked in high gear and regaled the world with a delightful narrative of "sophisticated hackers" and "Russia or China" involvement, to rival the recent embarrassment over similar (and similarly false) allegations, not to mention the script of whatever action-movie-of-the-week. The hacker apparently had WMDs!

Much to the embarrassment of the shitshow empire, the hacker actually read enough of #trilema to go public – and did so in style! guccifer2.wordpress.com hosts a trove of amusing stupidity (all in Microsoft formats) as well as supposedly "secret" documents as classified by the world's most incompetent empire. Apparently the "very sophisticated" attack wasn't sophisticated at all. Apparently the super cereal "presidential candidate" and Martha Stewart (WOT:nonperson) look-alike is very easily defeated! Apparently everyone working for the USG is fucking stupid!

Who could have ever predicted any of this ?!

Stay tuned for more incredible stories of the obvious!

Facebook Exec: "it will be probably all video" In 5 Years

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Facebook executive Nicola Mendelsohn (WOT:nonperson) is predicting the end of text on their platform within 5 years. Mendelsohn insists the shift is "user driven", but Facebook itself seems to have a substantial role in this shift by responding to declining usership with changes favored by illiterate users. Mendelsohn tries to dress this up by supposing video is somehow a faster medium for receiving information than text, an assertion that only holds when the party trying to receive information lacks the set of skills commonly referred to as basic literacy. Sorry for your loss.

"Reverse Feeding Tube" Latest Luxury Developed For Mayogendered Lifestyle

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The United States Food and Drug Administration announced their approval today of the AspireAssist, a device that pumps undigested food from the stomach of third gendered individuals through a port in the abdomen. During trials of the device users were reported to have their body mass index reduced on average from 50 which corresponds to class IV morbid obesity to 35 which corresponds to class II severe obesity. Shelby Sullivan (WOT:nonperson) who lead the pilot study described the device as:

a form of calorie restriction that takes into account the desire to eat

In other words this dangerous device would allow transmayo individuals to reduce the visible manifestation of their character defects without actually addressing their defects of character. This means that in the future many mayogendered individuals may be able to "pass" as the gender they choose to present as with less interference from their actual biological mayogender.1

  1. Individuals who reclaim visible external genitalia without addressing their serious binge eating disorder of course would maintain their mayogendered status where it counts. Extant bariatric surgeries at least bring the possibility of treating the eating disorder through conditioning the Obeast into eating less due to a change in their physical condition. This bypasses that promising an easier softer way while neglecting to treat the actual disorder.  ↩

US Major Socialist Party Servers Hacked

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Reports are emerging that servers used to store information on political operations for the major socialist party in the United States have been hacked with immense amounts of information compromised. Among the information liberated was the entire opposition research file on their presidential candidate's opponent Donald Trump-Clinton (WOT:nonperson) of the minor socialist party. Hilary Rodham-Clinton (WOT:nonperson), the major socialist party's candidate, has a history of poor security hygiene in her actions as a sysadmin as well as potential low hanging fruit for social engineering attacks inherited through her marriage to America's first black president William Jefferson Clinton (WOT:nonperson). At present allegations of guilt for taking from their apparently wide open servers is being levelled at parties affiliated with the Russian government. Given that a dump of the liberated information is not circulating freely it is unlikely that Peace was behind this information liberation. Him in our time.

Walgreens Finally Cuts Ties With Theranos

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Walgreens finally announced that they are cutting ties with the well connected and wildly inaccurate blood testing startup Theranos. On its way to a 9 Billion dollar valuation Theranos established blood testing clinics inside of their retail partner Walgreen's stores. A total of 40 Walgreens stores had Theranos blood testing available. Walgreens has a total of 8177 stores. Walgreens parent company Walgreens Boots Alliance has a market capitalization of ~92.4 billion United States dollars on ~103.4 billion dollars in annual revenue and ~4.2 billion dollars of net income. Sorry for your loss, but there will be blood testing.

Suspected Islamist Shoots Up Florida Gay Bar

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A man the FBI claims has possible leanings towards supporting Islamist causes shot up the gay bar "Pulse" in Orlando, Florida during the early hours of the morning (archived). An off duty police officer working security at the club reportedly exchanged gunfire with the man before a hostage situation developed. Police eventually conducted a "controlled explosion" before shooting the man dead. A variety of media sources are consistently reporting 20 deaths and 42 injuries UPDATE1: 50 deaths and 53 injuries in the event though no distinction has yet been made between casualties inflicted by the suspect and those taken by law enforcement in the crossfire.

Back in December of 2015 aspiring martyrs Syed Farook (WOT:nonperson) and Tashfeen Malik (WOT:nonperson) killed 14 and injured 22 at a facility that provides services for the developementally disabled in San Bernadino before getting themselves killed during their failed getaway. The San Bernadino event lead to the FBI and Apple circlejerking around an iPhone.

It is too early to tell what "rights" this latest media hysteria is going to push for taking away, but the likelyhood of Hussein Bahamas making at least one last big push to take your Guns, your God, and your Freedom is not out of the picture. Another likely side effect of this following so close in time to the San Bernadino attack and similar attacks in Europe is Autistic teen and twenty something white males losing the "most feared demographic in America" title acquired over two decades of school, mall, and theater shootings. Sorry for your loss.

Update 2: The shooter has been identified as Omar Mateen (WOT:nonperson). Mateen allegedly work as a security guard with clients that included USG assets.