Category Archives: Altcoins

Quid Pro Quo And Arkencide – A Special Roundup Xtend(TM)(R)

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On the eve of the final Presidential debate between leftist candidate Donald Trump-Clinton and still more leftist candidate Hillary Rodham-Clinton, a veritable torrent of damaging information has continued to emerge about one of the candidates to muted mainstream response while the other one apparently likes girls to the mainstream's great consternation. Only the finest lulz are presented below:

  • In Hillsborough, North Carolina the local headquarters for the Republican Party1 was firebombed by terrorists. The attack was likely perpetrated by Brownshirts associated with the major socialist party. The terrorists not content to limit their message of hate to a firebomb covered the building with Nazi imagery in a celebration of their brand of Global Socialism as advanced by Hussein Bahamas and Hillary 'Clitler' Rodham-Clinton.
  • A recently set of leaks from the FBI reveals that Clitler aide Patrick Kennedy pressured the bureau to declassify a document emailed by Clinton. This enabled Clitler to hold a press conference and publicly declare her innocence of this particular crime she committed by stating the document is not classified though it was at the time she criminally mishandled classified information. In exchange for declassifying the document the FBI was granted permission to station more of their stooges abroad in a gratuitous example of quid pro quo.
  • Vince Foster, Ron Brown, Former President of the United Nations General Assembly John Ashe, and others known and unknown are still dead.
  • Donald Trump-Clinton's running mate and undisputed winner of the vice presidential debate Mike Pence endorsed Eric Greitens for Missouri Governor today. Greitens' campaign has leaned heavily on his prior employment as a Navy Seal and many of his early campaign ads consisted simply of Greitens firing weapons for the length of the TV spot.2 At present Eric Greitens is the most obvious beneficiary of Missouri Auditor and one time gubernatorial front runner Tom Schweich's untimely death.
  • Numerous women are speaking about Donald Trump-Clinton's alleged sexual advances towards them. These allegations began emerging approximately 4.5 weeks before election day. Though Donald Trump-Clinton has been publicly campaigning for President the past year and a half these allegations for some reason all waited until October to be voiced.
  • Donald Trump-Clinton has ramped up his allegations that this election is rigged in favor of Hillary 'Clitler' Rodham-Clinton. Trump's comments have highlighted the disproportionate mainstream media coverage given to his alleged defects of sexual character while Clitler's criminal actions as a government official which were contrary to the best interests of the United States get glossed over suggesting collusion. Donald Trump-Clinton further opened the question of how much deeper the collusion favoring Clitler's campaign is.

Reich in Peace.

  1. Also commonly known as the GOP, a minor socialist party in the United States.  ↩

  2. This approach has been emulated by major socialist party candidate for the United States Senate seat from Missouri Jason Kander who has taken to firing and field stripping weapons in his television advertisements.  ↩

The Sacred Dies In India

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24 cattle died, and 20 more reported injured during a stampede that occurred at an Indian religious festival. Police of Uttar Pradesh said they only expected 3,000 cult members, however 70,000 showed up and started rumors along a packed bridge that led to the disaster. Taking a page from the Bitfinex playbook, the Indian Prime Minister is offering families of the dead 200`000 rupees as SFYL compensation. October has seen an increase in lulz featuring India on the pages of Qntra, with highlights being a telemarketing scam being busted and Preet Bharara's latest antics showing a trend in this behavior for the immediate future.

Not Quite News Roundup Xtend 10 (TM)(R)

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Welcome to the tenth edition1 of the Qntra Not Quite News Roundup Xtend (TM)(R). The below events are alleged to have happened, but they are decidedly innocent of newsworthiness.

  • After days of flirting and "Will they, won't they" speculation back and forth Salesforce CEO Marc Benioff announced on Friday that his firm would not be acquiring the troubled social engineering platform Twitter. Lack of user growth and no way to turn chronic losses into revenue are leaving Twitter with less suitors at the merger and acquisition dance hall than even Yahoo and Monsanto.
  • The next Ethereum hard fork is scheduled to be immediately followed by yet another hard fork. This second one will attempt to relieve some of the "bloat" introduced by inherent properties of the ether huffing protocol that surely "No One Could Have Foreseen!!!" (TM)(R)(/s) including the addition of tens of gigabytes of data ether huffing nodes have to track which all accumulated in the span of a couple weeks.
  • The Chinese Renminbi, a fiat perversion of currency further corrupted by its creators who deigned it a "People's Currency", has been undergoing some instability with the Chinese government moving to somehow devalue it further.
  • The exchange traded fund proposed by the Winkelvii years ago still requires further time for the SEC to sit on it before they are willing to allow it to trade on fiat markets.
  • For his next file sharing operation, Kim Dotcom is partnering up with BnkToTheFuture of Bitfinexodus fame.
  • Some Russians are about to turn on a private Ethereum clone they dubbed "MasterChain" so perhaps the very public "covert" CIA operation against Russia will have something to attack after all.
  • The "Satoshi Forest" homeless encampment has once again been denied permits. "Satoshi Forest" is an operation by "Sean's Outpost" which has been accepting capital from the public in Bitcoin for years only to expend it on consumables.
  • The developers behind Jim Crow for signatures are proposing that once they have a client that allows their noisy non-transactions that they will unveil a "smart contract" platform utilizing these features which they refer to as MAST. Mast is the edible debris produced by woody plants that is frequently consumed by wildlife as forage. The humble acorn is the prototypical example of a mast component.
  • The time is still not ripe for Bitcoin remittance in Africa.
  • Blockchain.info is blaming their recent downtime on a DNS attack against their registrar.
  • Litecoin is this week's featured altcoin drawing attention disproportionate to its relevance for having been mentioned at all.2
  • Japan supposed they could levy a sales tax on Bitcoin transactions and then they stopped supposing they could do so.
  • Donald Trump-Clinton has challenged Hillary Rodham-Clinton to take a drug test before their next presidential debate. Former US President Richard Nixon launched a "war" against drugs in the United States which government forces in the Untied States have been losing since it was announced on June 18th, 1971. During the course of this war no presidential candidate has yet confirmed their actual freedom from the influence of drugs to the public by pissing in a cup. On the contrary the last three presidents are all confirmed to have consorted with the enemy by engaging in relationships with the marijuana weed.

Sorry for your loss.

  1. Indeed the first decade of Roundup Xtend (TM)(R) has come to a close.  ↩

  2. Ongoing shame on you CCN.  ↩

"Covert" CIA Plan Makes Evening News

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The centerpiece of tonight's episode of the "NBC Evening News" featured an exclusive look at a "COVERT" plan by the CIA to conduct a series of cyber attacks against Russia. The professed aim of these attacks is to embarrass Russian leadership with a particular emphasis on Vladimir Putin. No actual embarrassing has happened yet, but substantial information on the aims of the CIA attack were presented by NBC including the disclosure of private transaction records.

NBC also to a lesser degree covered the now quieting "pussygate" allegations against presidential candidate Donald Trump-Clinton following the candidate's substantial recovery in the polls. As the US presidential election approaches, it appears that next week's mainstream news cycle will be dominated by sitting president Hussein Bahamas abusing his "National Security" authority to advance the Hillary Rodham-Clinton narrative that Russian hackers are going to steal the election when a Diebold will suffice for that purpose.

All is fair in lulz and war.

Brit Faces Extradition For Trading On US Markets

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Preet, the physical manifestation of evil in our timesA British man faces extradition for trading securities on markets in the United States. "Authorities"1 accuse the man of placing orders in a manner that lead other traders to panic which was followed by a "flash crash" in the markets in which the man was trading. The man faces criminal charges in the United States despite the clear fact that the panic came from defects of character inherent in the other traders. They further allege his cancelling and changing orders amounted to "spoofing" though every man is rightly entitled to change his position based upon the best information available at the time, and time is always moving.

As the saying goes, "If you spot it, you got it." These so called authorities in the United States are clearly in the grips of fear that their beloved fiat fiction and its inherent fragility are the product of their own spoofing. Sorry for your loss.

  1. This is a code word for Preet Bharara.  ↩

Butt-erin Seeks Another Bailout Fork

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The "Timothy Leary of Ether Huffing" Vitalik Butt-erin (WoT:nonperson) officially announced his application to become Roger VERified today, suggesting that perhaps another hard fork is the answer to recent problems the failed altcoin is experiencing. The news comes in response to a series of denial-of-service attacks on the network that have affected first Geth, and now the Parity implementations of the traditional ether huffing bag. The same exploit has been widely reported across various ether huffing splinter groups. that continue to build on clones of the ET(her)H(uff) protocol. The majority of participants in the scheme are dubiously said to have voiced support for the fork, just like the last time when they needed a bailout.

ViaBTC Hash Power Halves After Joining Roger VERification Effort

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Following ViaBTC's announcement that they would be supporting the latest effort to fork an altcoin off of Bitcoin their hashpower has dropped by one half and is likely to drop further. The drop in hash rate appears to be due to miner defections. Since "Bitcoin Unlimited"1 became the favored effort pushed by social engineers like Roger Ver, it has been met with an even colder reception than previous forking efforts including Bitcoin XT and ClassicCoin, with the exception of ViaBTC's warm embrace.

ViaBTC is just the latest in a long line of pools to suffer after choosing their vision for the future poorly. Twenty two months after the publication of "The hard fork missile crisis" every aspiring hard fork away from Bitcoin has managed to defeat itself well before the solutions covered in that piece were required though they still abide.

Sorry fork, your loss!

  1. aka Unlimited Spam Coin  ↩

Huffers At Ether.Camp Baking Next "Smart Contract For Your Loss"

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Ether huffers are already working on their next large scale Sorry For Your Loss with a new type of "smart contract" that some are already calling "The DAO 2.0". The contract, dubbed "Hacker Gold" is sure to live up to it's name for would-be attackers, as some eagle-eyed users have already attempted to compile the code and found that it wouldn't. The creators at ether.camp responded that the code on github "isn't the final version". The creators are hoping to raise 50 million US dollars in funds through an ICO and have reportedly been using sock-puppet accounts on reddit to manipulate threads in r/startups and others, in an attempt to generate buzz. The ether.camp team has been mostly silent on the criticisms, apparently betting on the fact that if the initiative fails they can simply hard fork the coin and get everyone's money back like last time.

Mid Sized Mining Pool Hops On Latest Effort To Fork Altcoin Off Of Bitcoin

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The relatively new mid-sized mining pool ViaBTC (WOT:nonpeople) recently announced it is mining blocks expressing support for the latest effort to fork an altcoin away from actual Bitcoin. ViaBTC throughout its short history has climbed to represent ~10 percent of the Bitcoin network's hashrate. The only other pool to announce any form of support for this latest social engineering assault on Bitcoin was Roger Ver's (WOT:nonperson) own pool which languishes at ~1 percent of the network's hash rate in spite of paying miners ~6 percent more than they should be making for mining with that pool.

The plainly counter economic activity in support of this latest social engineering attempt suggests that the United States government and its other criminal agents of fiat are still sinking ever more precious resources into their attempts to cripple Bitcoin. The arrogance of this move also suggests Blockstream, the other camp of social engineers seeking to pervert Bitcoin, is likely to begin spearheading a substantial push for something soon.

2013's future of Bitcoin regulation is the present, Republican, reality of Bitcoin regulation. The unforgiving march of time is eroding the few remaining refuges of the delusionist profession which is likely to result in increasingly desperate efforts1 to combat the march of inevitability.

  1. Leading this is the failure of the "Ethereum" gambit where a competitor to Bitcoin was supposed which included numerous features that in reality serve as little more than vectors for attack.  ↩

Fractured GOP Experiences Coup Attempt

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Various members of the old guard of the GOP, a minor socialist party in the United States, are in the midst of a coup to replace their party's nominee Donald Trump-Clinton with his vice presidential candidate Mike Pence. This coup is receiving substantial assistance from the mainstream media in that country including outlets which function as organs of that country's major socialist party.

Fuelling this coup was a vice presidential debate which was scored as a unanimous victory for Mike Pence, and the coup is substantially assisted by the release of an 11 year old entertainment media interview where Trump-Clinton bragged in a somewhat coarse manner about picking up women. The interview was never previously broadcast, and at the same time the interview leaked excerpts of speeches where Hillary Rodham-Clinton called for open borders and a single hemispheric "free trade zone" were leaked to little fanfare.

America should have voted for America when it still had the chance. Personalities over policies, it's the American way.

Update: The Washington Post's online magazine is already declaring victory in their openly declared war to keep Donald Trump-Clinton from spoiling Hillary Rodham-Clinton's turn in the Ova[sic] Office.