Welcome to the tenth edition¹ of the Qntra Not Quite News Roundup Xtend (TM)(R). The below events are alleged to have happened, but they are decidedly innocent of newsworthiness.

• After days of flirting and "Will they, won't they" speculation back and forth Salesforce CEO Marc Benioff announced on Friday that his firm would not be acquiring the troubled social engineering platform Twitter. Lack of user growth and no way to turn chronic losses into revenue are leaving Twitter with less suitors at the merger and acquisition dance hall than even Yahoo and Monsanto.
• The next Ethereum hard fork is scheduled to be immediately followed by yet another hard fork. This second one will attempt to relieve some of the "bloat" introduced by inherent properties of the ether huffing protocol that surely "No One Could Have Foreseen!!!" (TM)(R)(/s) including the addition of tens of gigabytes of data ether huffing nodes have to track which all accumulated in the span of a couple weeks.
• The Chinese Renminbi, a fiat perversion of currency further corrupted by its creators who deigned it a "People's Currency", has been undergoing some instability with the Chinese government moving to somehow devalue it further.
• The exchange traded fund proposed by the Winkelvii years ago still requires further time for the SEC to sit on it before they are willing to allow it to trade on fiat markets.
• For his next file sharing operation, Kim Dotcom is partnering up with BnkToTheFuture of Bitfinexodus fame.
• Some Russians are about to turn on a private Ethereum clone they dubbed "MasterChain" so perhaps the very public "covert" CIA operation against Russia will have something to attack after all.
• The "Satoshi Forest" homeless encampment has once again been denied permits. "Satoshi Forest" is an operation by "Sean's Outpost" which has been accepting capital from the public in Bitcoin for years only to expend it on consumables.
• The developers behind Jim Crow for signatures are proposing that once they have a client that allows their noisy non-transactions that they will unveil a "smart contract" platform utilizing these features which they refer to as MAST. Mast is the edible debris produced by woody plants that is frequently consumed by wildlife as forage. The humble acorn is the prototypical example of a mast component.
• The time is still not ripe for Bitcoin remittance in Africa.
• Blockchain.info is blaming their recent downtime on a DNS attack against their registrar.
• Litecoin is this week's featured altcoin drawing attention disproportionate to its relevance for having been mentioned at all.²
• Japan supposed they could levy a sales tax on Bitcoin transactions and then they stopped supposing they could do so.
• Donald Trump-Clinton has challenged Hillary Rodham-Clinton to take a drug test before their next presidential debate. Former US President Richard Nixon launched a "war" against drugs in the United States which government forces in the Untied States have been losing since it was announced on June 18th, 1971. During the course of this war no presidential candidate has yet confirmed their actual freedom from the influence of drugs to the public by pissing in a cup. On the contrary the last three presidents are all confirmed to have consorted with the enemy by engaging in relationships with the marijuana weed.

Sorry for your loss.

1. Indeed the first decade of Roundup Xtend (TM)(R) has come to a close.  ↩

2. Ongoing shame on you CCN.  ↩