An Austrialian man is facing investigation by various "environmental" agencies of the Australian state after defending his dog and his hunting companions from a vicious attack by a kangaroo. The kangaroo was choking the man's dog when he intervened. After humanely delivering a single right jab to the Roo's face the monstrous animal fled. This victim of spurious environmental investigation is a professional zookeeper.
Author Archives: Aaron 'BingoBoingo' Rogier
Oakland Warehouse Destroyed By "Artist" Infestation
A warehouse in Oakland California burned this weekend after it was rented by Derek Almena who allowed a collective of "artists" to infest the property and transform it into a fire hazard. 36 bodies were recovered from the ruins so far. Pictures from inside the warehouse, which had been partially converted to "housing", from before the fire show an appalling lack of gypsum and other firestop materials. Further an impromptu second floor discotheque was also added to the warehouse along with substantial ad hoc modifications and extensions of the building's electric wiring. Apologist insist fire safety was actually taken very seriously because the aptly named "Ghost Ship" collective banned candles and smoking.
A crackdown on makeshift "artist collectives" in the Bay area is to be expected in the near future with the likely effect of noticeably increasing the portion of the region's homeless population that sleeps in the streets.
Missouri Governor Elect's Wife Robbed At Gunpoint In Saint Louis
Sheena Grietens, wife of Missouri's Governor Elect, was robbed in the Central West end neighborhood of Saint Louis. The Governor Elect and former Navy Seal stated that the suspects are "lucky law enforcement got them before I did" during a press conference. Sheena Grietens was sitting in her car near Cafe Ventana when one of the suspects opened her door and demanded her stuff. She surrendered her laptop and cell phone. A 14 year old, 15 year old, and 19 year old of unknown identity and ethnicity were taken into custody. Pence in our time.
Renzi Resigns As Voters Reject His Agenda And Tell Brussels "Vaffanculo" Suggesting Future #Italeave
Italian Prime Minister Matteo Renzi announced he would be stepping down after voters rejected his agenda of "reforms" during a referendum. As in Brexit and The Great Again's summoning, voters went populist and nationalist in rejecting the entrenched fiat establishment's plans. Once again voters "surprised" many purveyors of "Fake News" like the New York Times. This referendum's failure does not commit Italy to #Italeave the European Union, but it does kick the ball in that direction with a strong "Vaffanculo " directed at Brussels.
Trumpreich Swamp Draining Plans Still Elusive, No Dykes, Weirs, Or Windmills Proposed
The United States President Elect has still failed to present any plans for a system of dykes, weirs, and windmills to drain water from the swamp. He was however begun filling out his cabinet. Notable selections include:
- Tom Price, former orthopedic surgeon and future secretary of Health and Human services. This move has generated heated debated with lines roughly drawn between health customer service providers that draw comfortable salaries and those who attempt operating a business by billing for services.
- James 'Mad Dog' Mattis, retired US Marine Corps General for secretary of defense. This selection has been unusually unchallenged in the press. Mattis is notable for bombing wedding parties1 and an unusual willingness to relieve his command of officers who would not get with his program. Mattis enjoys a retirement gig as a Director on the board of General Dynamics and Theranos.
- Betsy Davos, an heir by marriage to the Amway multi level marketing fortune, to secretary of education.
- Preet Bharara to continue as United States Attorney for the District of Manhattan.
- No pick has been announced for Secretary of State. Instead the fate of the position filled by failed presidential candidates Hillary Rodham-Clinton and John Kerry is surrounded by rumors, innuendo, and speculation in line with the sacred traditions of "reality" television.
Notable benefit: less surviving relatives to avenge the deceased ↩
Bitcoin Network Difficulty Up ~1.76% In Modest Increase
The Bitcoin network mining difficulty increased ~1.76% going from 281800917193.19580078 to 286765766820.55041504 in a move far less spectacular than last period's ~10.675% jump. As these things frequently are, this is yet another all time high for Bitcoin mining difficulty.
Emergency Mozilla Bulletin: Stop Using Firefox
In a concession by Mozilla to yesterday's news, per an emergency bulletin published by Mozilla, users are advised to stop using Mozilla's Firefox web browser. Versions 41 through 50 are being affected by a zero day exploit discovered in active use against Firefox on Windows with Tor being used to select victims for exploitation. May you find Peace in this perfect storm of shitware.
Qntra (S.QNTR) November 2016 Report
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OPEC Agrees To Cut Output
After a prolonged free for all and supply glut, OPEC decided to cut oil production. The sole holdout is Iran. Sorry for your loss.
18 Year Old Somali Child Killed By Police At The Ohio State University
An 18 year old Somali child was killed by police on the campus of The Ohio State University following a bias incident. The child drove a vehicle into a crowd of pedestrians before using a butcher's knife in an attempt to negate the innate priviledge they held compared to the 18 year old Somali child. Responding police officers failed to recognize the child was lashing upwards against priviledge and instead of compassionately empowering him, they transitioned him into being just another victim of police violence.