Monthly Archives: August 2017

Blockchain.info Huffs Fumes

Posted on by

The well known "web wallet" service blockchain.info has revealed plans to support Ether, allowing huffers to SEND and RECEIVE Ether from within the "Bitcoin" interface. Users that log into their blockchain.info account are greeted with a "Welcome to Ether" banner and a brief introduction on the history of flaming tires in shitpits.

The intro states under the heading "Why Should Use It?" that "As the Ethereum platform grows, more intelligent applications will be built on top of it. We want to give you the opportunity to start using ether now, so you'll be ready to use these products in the future." Such "intelligent applications" in the past have included the DAO and using these products will likely result in more SFYL in the future.

Trezor, Others Affected By "Fault Injection" – May Leak Keys

Posted on by

A security flaw in Trezor hardware Bitcoin wallets can reveal users private keys, due to faulty STMicroelectronics chips used in the manufacture of the devices. While Trezor has released a fix for the hack detailed in this archived Medium post, the company – along with other hardware wallet manufacturers such as KeepKey – will continue to use chips from STMicroelectronics that may contain other fault injection vulnerabilities, and result in SFYL if Government agencies or other parties gain access to the device for even a short period of time. Trezor assured users that "everything is fine" and “coins are safe” provided devices are kept within reach of their owners since the glitch isn't a remote execution attack. A blog post on the trezor.io website promises that they will "publish a detailed report in the coming days".

Barry Silbert Picks Block 494784 For Altcoin Exodus From Bitcoin

Posted on by

Barry Silbert's altcoin forking effort, which is just as marginal and fringe as Roger Ver's,1 has selected block 494,784 for their exodus from Bitcoin. The new altcoin has pledged of support from the 50 plus sybils of Barry Silbert's "Digital Currency Group".

We are Barry Silbert for your loss.

  1. Silbert's altcoin has a 2MB blocksize while Ver's has an 8MB blocksize.  ↩

Alt-Left Pantsuits Escalate Symbolically Without Risking Physical Confrontation

Posted on by

Feeling left out of Sunday's hijinks, Pantsuit Baltimore Mayor Catherine E Pugh (WOT: nonperson) and collaborators in city government conspired to remove various memorial statuary of a previous generation's "Never Forget" their having fought against the underhanded pantsuits of their own time. Four statutes celebrating heros of the South's valiant fight during the War of Northern Aggression were removed by heavy machinery under Pugh's orders overnight.

This neatly resolved the forum's idle musing on how the alt-left could possibly escalate America's brewing civil war without having to leave the safety of their Reddit terminals.

Google, Godaddy, And CoinBase Go Political – Kill Accounts For Conservative Action And Advocacy

Posted on by

Hot on the heels of the Daily Stormer's domain name being hijacked by Google, fans of the DS who donated bitcoin to its owner Andrew Anglin via Coinbase are reporting their Coinbase accounts have now been terminated. In response to the bans, some users are unwittingly blaming Bitcoin itself, saying:

…So much for anonymous currency.

It's clear that many in the alt-right deride bitcoin and do so to their own detriment. These are the same people who call for violence but quickly retract such statements and cry when confronted by the first sign of it, claiming they are about solutions while continuing to ignore Bitcoin for the most part.

Amazon Fucks Retailers, Panics Customers With Recall Week Before Total Eclipse

Posted on by

Jeff Bezos' Amazon has recalled numerous sun and eclipse viewing products exactly one week before a total solar eclipse crosses North America (archived). Amazon is alleging that numerous "reports of counterfeits" have compelled them to undertake this blanket recall though Amazon has never been particularly remorseful about selling counterfeit products in the past. The specter of mass blindness however seems to have moved Amazon to act in this one instance.

In typically Incan fashion, Amazon recalled products from a number of their "partner" vendors without any regard for paper work previously submitted establishing authenticity and safety of the recalled products. Naturally this has thoroughly fucked Amazon's "partners" who are now sitting on substantial inventory tied to an infrequent event Amazon has decided to write off. Likewise Amazon's Incan decision making has left their customers panicked, customers who are by and large incapable of assessing the safety of their now recalled purchases with time burning rapidly in advance of the sun's temporary egress from the sky.

As of this writing, the few remaining Amazon listed eclipse viewers sell for fiat equivalent to 0.05-0.1 BTC at current rates offered by fiat/Bitcoin interfaces. Qntra readers who wish to view the eclipse are advised that a welding visor which can be set at "shade 13" is the sweet spot for intermittent direct observations of the sun. Shade 12 offers a lower margin of comfort while shade 14 is too dark to allow a quality viewing experience. However, there is no remedy for having "partnered" with Amazon.

Obamacare Comes To India

Posted on by

In India more than sixty children are dead after the government run hospital they sought medical treatment at in Gorakhpur ran out of oxygen (archived). The hospital's bill for liquid oxygen deliveries had apparently gone unpaid for some time. The many bureaucratic layers of the Indian Obamacare death panels are pointing fingers at each other and the oxygen supply house for their own failure keep up the illusion that they were saving lives.

Antifa Terrorists And Pantsuit Local Government Shut Down Conservative Rally – Fatalities Reported

Posted on by

Violence erupted in Charlottesville, Virginia as the city government and local police conspired with Antifa terrorists to cancel a rally promoting understanding, tolerance, and unity among American conservatives and instead bake a riot. Decisions made by Charlottesville mayor Michael Singer (WOT:nonperson), Virginia Governor Terry McAuliffe (WOT:nonperson), and the Charlottesville Police Department (WOT:nonpeople) turned a planned peaceful assembly into a mass casualty incident with fatalities.

The planned event dubbed "United the Right" had already been subject to overt leftist opposition since its announcement was granted an assembly permit and police protection only after a court ordered the City of Charlottesville to accommodate the American public's right to assemble in public spaces.

On the morning of the event Charlottesville police allowed Antifa terrorists to assault event attendees with excrement and chemical weapons as they travelled to the reserved park space. The approved event plans which called for physical separation between attendees of the conservative unity event and "protesters" were not implemented.1

Then minutes before the event could begin and after the crowd had assembled, police declared an unlawful assembly, withdrew to the outside of the crowd and kettled the conservative event attendees and Antifa terrorist together. The result was an escalation of violence that "no one could have predicted".

During the brawl, where it appears red blooded American conservatives were happy to contain their fight to engaging Antifa aggressors, a number of Antifa terrorists began spreading their violent outburst. They encircled a passing motorist in his vehicle and attacked the 20 year old motorist, attempting to remove him from his car. This lead to the motorist's Dodge Challenger2 colliding with a collection of Antifa bodies in an apparent attempt to escape. The motorist has been detained on murder charges by Charlottesville police.

At some point a police helicopter also crashed killing two occupants.

America's cold civil war appears to be getting much hotter.

  1. Not that complete separation could have been possible in light of substantial bird dogging and infiltration of the event by antifa terrorists.  ↩

  2. The late model one with the regulation mandated"Pedestrian Safety" bumper, not a classic with amputating and maiming metal bumper which would make more sense if this were a planned attack.  ↩

Tensions Rise This Week As Fake News Media Badgers God Emperors

Posted on by

The fake news media has spent this past week stoking tensions between the God Emperors Kim Jung Un of the Democratic People's Republic of Best Korea and Donald Trump of the United States. Where Trump's predecessors Clinton I, Bush II, and the Manchurian Candidate have responded to routine North Korean diplomatic missives by becoming the Kim Family regime's weird girlfriend, Trump instead responded with 14 words:1

They will be met with fire and fury like the world has never seen.

The fake news media has responded to the co-existence of God Emperor of Best Korea Kim and God Emperor of the United States2 Trump by suddenly going back and reporting on all of the progress North Korea has made in the field of nuclear weapons since they successfully detonated their first during the Bush II presidency. Progress made by Best Korea on warhead miniaturization and missile embiggenation over a decade during the Manchurian Candidate's 8 years as president has been dumped in to the US popular news cycle all at once.

There is substantial uncertainty in how the clash of the God Emperors will resolve. The Democratic People's Republic of Best Korea's Kim, enabled by the Manchurian Candidate's tenure as President of the United States of Best Korea, now actually has the nuclear deterrent that Saddam, Ghaddafi, and other members of the international community targeted for Arkencide by Hillary Rodham-Clinton lacked.

With the non-zero chance "nuclear deterrent" theory gets put to the test, it may be prudent to stockpile enough NAND flash memory to satisfy anticipated needs for quite some time, as most of it is produced within range of Best Korea's conventional artillery batteries.

  1. These are not to be confused with those other 14 words:

    We must secure the existence of our people and a future for white children.

     ↩

  2. The abbreviation GEOTUS is gaining traction in mass market publications.  ↩