Monthly Archives: November 2016

Hillary Rodham-Clinton Loses Election

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Hillary Rodham-Clinton lost the election to become the next United States president. Donald Trump-Clinton is on track to become the next United States president provided he survives to inauguration day and doesn't decide to quit, because in those instances Mike Pence will become the next President. Token legal challenges will likely proceed in an effort to change the allocation of some electoral votes though currently Donald Trump-Clinton holds 276 of the necessary 270 electoral votes with 27 outstanding votes from Michigan and Arizona yet to be determined.

For people who find this outcome unacceptable please direct your blame to Donna Brazile, your political party, and your candidate in that order. Sorry for your loss.

Coinbase Partnering Up For Facial Verification As Relevance Continues Sinking

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Coinbase has partnered with a bio-metrics firm to enable facial recognition of customers as part of KYC compliance measures. (archived)

Officials from Jumio stated:

“Adding bio-metric facial recognition to Netverify was inspired by a need that impacts organizations across many industries, especially financial services with account opening and money transfers,” said Jumio CEO Stephen Stuut. “As evidenced by the millions of unauthorized accounts that were opened at Wells Fargo, it’s critical to look beyond existing multi-factor authentication solutions whenever any digital transaction takes place. The addition of biometric facial recognition, combined with ID verification, will not only help ensure that the individual in front of the screen is who they say they are.”

Coinbase is touted on the site as giving "customers a secure and seamless way for both investment managers and consumers to trade and exchange Bitcoin or Ethereum for traditional currency." Customers can have total confidence that their data and funds are 100% safe in the vaults of Buterin's waterfall.

Soylent's Attempt To Scapegoat Soy Sinks

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Rob Reinhart's1 (WOT:nonperson) food replacement start up Soylent is suffering in the wake of a severe product purity scandal. Early efforts at damage control involved Soylent blaming the soy content of their products and alleging the violently ill customers must have had some sort of previously undetected soy sensitivity.

The culprit was "algal flour" derived from Chlorella protothecoides grown in fermenters. The algae was chosen for its high protein content and while it is classified by US regulators as a "Generally Recognized As Safe" substance it's use as a source of dietary protein is not well tested. Digestive intolerance of unfamiliar plant proteins is not an uncommon class of phenomena, though contamination of the product is also a possibility.

This is bullish for soy's continued reign as the cheapest complete protein of vegetable origin suitable for keeping the general population fed. Soy for your loss.

  1. Otherwise notable for the nuisance complaints filed by his neighbors related to his habit of hoarding piles of trash which attract vermin.  ↩

Trump carries early New Hampshire

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Donald Trump, standing for the Bahamas Was Born In Kenya Party (BWBIKP) obtained 53.3% of the early vote in New Hampshire, surpassing Hillary Clinton of the "Men Are Mean & White People Are Evil" alliance (MAM & WPAE). The pantsuit-clad abomination barely managed to scrape together 41.7% of the vote, notwithstanding a lengthy tradition of firm support for the "Men are mean and white people are evil" creed in the locality. In select locales she fared as poorly as 20% to Trump's 80%.

The results come in contradiction of pseudoscientifically conducted polls run by the castrated bureaucracy, which were indicating a ~5 point lead for the shrew. The 16% difference between consensus "reality" and actual reality is reminescent of the "inexplicable" "error" shown by polls run by the similarly castrated establishment in the 51st state prior to the "shocking" (to no-one but themselves) electoral result there.

Gary Johnson of the Allegedly A Party also managed a respectable 5% of the vote.

Hillary Clinton's prison sentence is expected to start anytime towards the end of the week ; it is still a matter of some debate in insider circles as to whether she will be locked up together with mere thousands or actual hundreds of thousands of soi-dissant "Civil Servants". The "Civil Servants" is a street gang centered around Washington, DC, involved in a slew of illegal activities spanning prostitution, human trafficking, graft, pay-to-play schemes, blackmail, murder and jaywalking.

Peace in our time!

Clinton Thug Janet Reno Dies

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Janet Reno, lead prosecutor of the first Clinton Administration's war on the American people has died. Janet oversaw terrorist campaigns against numerous victims including a the Branch Davidians, Montana Freemen, Richard Jewell, Wen Ho Lee, and an uncountable number of others. Her tenure as Attorney General opened with the immolation of 76 members of a religion of peace. Reno's cause of death is listed simply as "complications of Parkinson's disease" without further details being provided.

Not Quite News Roundup Xtend 13 (TM)(R)

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Welcome to the thirteenth edition of the Qntra Not Quite News Roundup Xtend (TM)(R). The below events are alleged to have happened, but they are decidedly innocent of newsworthiness.

  • After 108 years the Chicago Cubs won the World Series1 against the Cleveland Indians.
  • CNN fired contributor and interim Democratic party chair Donna Brazile for leaking debate questions to the Hillary Rodham-Clinton campaign.
  • Rumours of China banning Bitcoin tempered the recent bull run reported by fiat/Bitcoin interfaces though after settling it still requires ~711 United States dollars to acquire a whole Bitcoin via this route.
  • Enthusiasm for the Zcash/Z-Cash/ZNC altcoin has already faded as scheduled. Who knew it would only take another week of mining subsidies hitting the market to crash the price?
  • Donald Trump-Clinton was rushed off the campaign stage in Reno, Nevada by the Secret Service.
  • Playboy Playmate Dani Mathers faces charges relating to a "body shaming" incident.
  • The University of Missouri Football team lost their 11th consecutive game in conference play. The team is now set to lose every game in their conference for the first time since 1971. This follow the University surrendering to a strike by the football team last year.

Sorry for your loss.

  1. Despite the name this is not an international contest. In the last World Baseball Classic, an actual international contest, the Dominican Republic won while the United States was eliminated by Puerto Rice, an island it occupies.  ↩

Bitfinex Publicity Spree Touts Changes But Security Unmentioned

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Bitfinex announced a recent swath of updates on reddit yesterday, none of which focused on their abysmal security or protection of customer funds.(archived) The changes mostly focused on cosmetic enhancements of the sort designed to hold a child’s attention for long periods of time, and keep them focused on pouring more money into the token scheme they hope will eventually help them recover losses.