Donald Trump, standing for the Bahamas Was Born In Kenya Party (BWBIKP) obtained 53.3% of the early vote in New Hampshire, surpassing Hillary Clinton of the "Men Are Mean & White People Are Evil" alliance (MAM & WPAE). The pantsuit-clad abomination barely managed to scrape together 41.7% of the vote, notwithstanding a lengthy tradition of firm support for the "Men are mean and white people are evil" creed in the locality. In select locales she fared as poorly as 20% to Trump's 80%.

The results come in contradiction of pseudoscientifically conducted polls run by the castrated bureaucracy, which were indicating a ~5 point lead for the shrew. The 16% difference between consensus "reality" and actual reality is reminescent of the "inexplicable" "error" shown by polls run by the similarly castrated establishment in the 51st state prior to the "shocking" (to no-one but themselves) electoral result there.

Gary Johnson of the Allegedly A Party also managed a respectable 5% of the vote.

Hillary Clinton's prison sentence is expected to start anytime towards the end of the week ; it is still a matter of some debate in insider circles as to whether she will be locked up together with mere thousands or actual hundreds of thousands of soi-dissant "Civil Servants". The "Civil Servants" is a street gang centered around Washington, DC, involved in a slew of illegal activities spanning prostitution, human trafficking, graft, pay-to-play schemes, blackmail, murder and jaywalking.

Peace in our time!