FBI Busts Ohio Man For Doing Surveillance For FBI

The US FBI is heralding their arrest of an Ohio man after fraudulently recruiting the man to do advanced reconnasaince that the agency promised would be useful for a later terrorist plot (archived). The FBI provided Demetrius Pitts with a bus pass, cell phone, and instructions to take photos of potential targets in Cleveland for the FBI's bombing plot before charging Pitts with a single count of providing material support to terrorists.

Chinese Auto Giant BYD Building Massive Battery Plant

Chinese automotive and technology giant BYD annouced plans to operate the largest rechargable battery factory in the world by the end of the year. English language publications are drawing comparisons to Tesla and their "gigafactory" painting BYD as a fellow alternate, Chinese Universe startup competing with Tesla (archived). This popular English language posturing ignores BYD's established position selling conventionally fueled vehicles and industial equipment inside and outside of China .

Senegal And Akon Collaborate On A "Crypto Wakanda" Metropolis

R&B singer Akon is reportedly preparing to develop a city on 2,000 acres gifted to him by the President of Senegal, a country which was eliminated from World Cup competition under the fair play tiebreaker. Akon plans to center the economic activity of his city around an altcoin to be dubbed Akoin and designed to empower black youth. It remains to be seen how much suffering will be wrought by this humanitarian endeavor.

The Great Again Poised To Grab Courts By The Pussy For Decades

Yesterday the unreliable Anthony Kennedy announced he would be vacating his seat on the US Supreme Court on the same day he was the deciding vote in a decision to limit the monetary intake of politically active pantsuitist public employee unions. Kennedy's decision will allow US President Donald Trump the opportunity to fill a seat at the US Supreme Court for the second time in as many years.

The US Supreme Court seats most likely to become vacant next are those of the 85 year old Ruth Bader Ginsburg or the 79 year old Stephen Breyer, who wil be 91 and 86 respectively if they survive through the end of Trump's second term.

US Captures 35 Entrepreneurs In Coordinated Attack On Commerce

The US Department of "Justice" has announced their capture of 35 entrepreneurs for engaging in commerce while located within the borders of the evil empire (archived). The captured entrepreneurs made the common mistake of attempting to bring commerce to the USG operated tor network. This is not the first coordinated attack on "Darkweb" entrepreneurs, but this is the first to target individual vendors instead of marketplace operators.

Popular Centerist Dutch Newspaper Attacked With Flaming Van

The offices of De Telegraaf were attacked by a man with a van on fire (archived). Two attempts were made by the driver to achieve ingress to the office for his van. In the first "high speed" approach, the van was foiled by a glass wall. After the second attempt ended with a stalled van, the flames began as the driver fled. Despite probably failing to achieve the desired degree of penetration with the van, substantial fire damage was inflicted upon the building.

Australia Ramps Up Flight Security Theater With Powder Restrictions

After declaring a "terrorist plot" was foiled, travelers seeking air transport to an from of Australia will be subject to "enhanced" rules restricting the amount of powdered materials allowed in carry on baggage (archived). Travelers will be restricted to transporting 350 grams of inorganic powders. The new rules specifically mention snow globes and table salt as a example items containing now restricted inorganic powders. The alleged plot cited in the creation of these restrictions involved an "improvised device" denied entry at the flight check in desk by airline employees for a trip from Sydney to Abu Dhabi.

Amazon Adds Jury Option To Firing Process

Jeff Bezos' Walmart and Google competitor Amazon has introduced a "coworker jury" system to their firing process. As an alternative to the existing options of eating the pink slip while severance pay is still on the table or accepting more stringent performance goals, Amazon employees can argue their case against their immediate managers in front of a panel composed of their peers one or three Amazon managers over video conference.

The move hailed as "putting an Amazon spin on the Union greviance process" in the early going has delivered the Amazonions a less than 30% success rate and an entirely new fountain of resentments to drink from.