Chicago Actor Hired Nigerian Brothers To Stage Hate Crime Hoax, Indignant At Getting Caught

Posted on by

Jussie Smollett, a black homosexual actor in Chicago, is very indignant that when he reported a hate crime all of the evidence ended up leading to the conclusion he hired two Nigerian actors to stage the incident (archived). Mainstream pantsuitist publications ran with Smollet's claims that he was assaulted by two MAGA chanting white boys with bleach as he left a bar in Chicago. Smollet reported the event as a hate crime leading to Chicago PD taking the case of criminal white boys in their camera infested city very seriously. Only two "persons of interest" could be found, and those two persons of interest ended up being Nigerian extras Smollet worked with on his TV production. The two Nigerians were taken and interrogated while being held for ~48 hours, presumably at one of Chicago PD's numerous black sites.

Filing a false police report in Illinois is on the books as an aggravated, felony degree of "disorderly conduct" carrying a sentence of up to 3 years in prison.

Spain Relitigating Civil War Now That Losers Hold Government

Posted on by

The recently elected Socialist government of Spain has given the family of late Spanish leader Francisco Franco a mere 15 days to choose a new burial place for their beloved folllowing the passing of an "exhumation bill" (archived). Franco came power in 1939 to end the country's bloody civil war and maintained the peace through his death in 1975. Franco is presently interred in a memorial to the Spanish Civil War's dead which he ordered built as an act of atonement for the price he paid in Spanish lives to achieve peace. Meanwhile, the fellows who passed a bill to exhume this particular departed man benefit from living 80 years after that man stopped the bloodshed.

Jeff Bezos Stops Plans For Second Amazon Headquarters In New York

Posted on by

Amazon, a Jeff Bezos production, announced via the Washington Post, another Jeff Bezos production, that Amazon will not move forwards with developing a second headqueaters in New York City after several grand announcements saying they would (archived). The plan approved by New York governor Cuomo and New York mayor Bill De Blasio would have seen 3 billion USD in tax abatements and other incentives subsidize this tin woman of Jeff's after Jeff ran a national contest soliciting such offers and promises none of these cities would abide the tin woman passing his dick pic around to all her friends that aren't him (archived).

When the plan was announced last year it drew opposition on two fronts:

  1. The state and municipal legislative bodies were outraged that Bill De Blasio's New York could possibily need to pay a business to move there. New York is big! New York was important! Why do they have to now bribe businesses to choose New York over Kansas City?
  2. The people in the neighborhoods grew indignant that money and jobs would follow this development into their neighborhood. Their poor neighborhood would be doomed to GENTRIFY! It would become like all those other neighborhoods they can't afford.

Another Bezos Bezzle Bungle bites the dust.

Clicking On "Terrorist Content" Felonized In Airstrip One

Posted on by

"Royal" assent was given to a "Counter terrorism and border security" bill that purports to make viewing "terrorist content", including this very article, a criminal offense (archived). Per the "law", having clicked on a link to "terrorist" content is sufficient to begin accumulating transgressions against the crown leading up to a hypothetical 15 years in prison.

US Air Force "Intelligence Specialist" Officer's 2013 Defection To Iran Revealed In Indictment

Posted on by

In an unsealed indictment issued by the US District Court in Washington reveals 39 year old Air Force counter intelligence officer Monica Witt defected to Iran taking substantial "US National Security" secrets with her (archived, archived). The long time between the 2013 defection and the 2019 unsealing of the indictment suggests the USG is very reluctant to let the news get out that they are indeed suffering defections despite substantial propaganda trying to sell the US Slave empire as the place to defect to.

Chase Bank Inexplicably Severing Relationship With Fellow Who Happens To Lead Men's Fraternal Organization

Posted on by

Chase Bank sent a letter to Enrique Tarrio stating they would be closing Tarrio's personal bank accounts and severing their relationship on April first (archived). Tarrio happens to be the chairman of the Proud Boys men's fraternal organization. The organization is frequently described by mainstream Pantsuit sources including the "Southern Poverty Law Center" as "White Nationalist" inspite of evidence of embracing men from a variety of racial and ethnic backgrounds as evidenced by their chairman Enrique Tarrio being identifiably Latin American through his name and appearance. Chase earlier denied payment processor services to the Proud Boys organization.

The fraternal organization appears to be surviving abandonment by their founder though ultimately their survival will depend on their ability to embrace the outlaw status being forced upon them by the female state.

"Work Verification" Spyware On Its Way To Mandatory In US Slave Empire

Posted on by

A proposal working its way towards approval in New Jersey would mandate contractors working on government projects use "work verification" software that captures screenshots, logs keystrokes, and gives "real time access" to a new class of government hires verifying contractor billable hours (archived). The proposal comes only 12 years too late to prevent dicking around with technology at the workplace now that anyone in the Americas with a somewhat regular income can acquire their own ipNohe or other fondle slab. The ipNohE or fondle slab allows layabouts1 to lolcat on both their own screen and their employer's time.

  1. Layabouts are generally the only class of biped USG and its allies can afford to hire.  ↩

Madame Secretary Mike Pompeo Declares Huawei Deployments "Obstacle To US Partnership"

Posted on by

US Madame Secretary of State Mike Pompeo went to Hungary and declared that deployments of Huawei networking equipment in Eastern Europe threatened the viability of ongoing USG "partnerships" in the region (archived). The dual threat Huawei presents to the USG and its "Five Eyes Anglophone co-conspirators is as follows:

1. Huawei equipment handling internet traffic while they would prefer Cisco equipment under their control do the same, and every piece of Huawei kit deployed denies a Cisco machine the opportunity to be racked.
2. The Five Eyes are concerned the Chinese goverment may have the same level of control over Huawei kit they have over Cisco.

Whether or not Huawei equipment is subverted to aid Chinese spies, the fact that Huawei equipment does not favor USG spies is a threat to the USG under their doctrine of total information awareness. The mere possibility of internet traffic they can't intercept and molest scares them.

British Mum Arrested At Home For Gendering Fellow Online

Posted on by

A 38 year old British mother was arrested at home in front of her children before going through the standard British intake procedure surrendering fingerprints, DNA, and a photograph after referring to a man in an online forum by his God given sex and the name his parents gave him (archived). Because the man chooses to larp about the world as a woman, Airstrip One's agents of violence decided her posting was a transgression against the Crown, a Crown which long abdicated its old position of sovereignty over their former colonies' European forward operating base.

In other news, the man who had the entirety of his hand below the wrist taken from him by Macronist forces over the weekend was a plumber (archived).

British Broadcasting Corporation Now Publishing Articles In Language They Describe Only As "Pidgin"

Posted on by

It has come to attention that the BBC, a Royal Chartered and tax funded broadcaster in Airstrip One, is now publishing articles online in a language they describe only as "pidgin" (archived). Nevermind that "pidgin" means not any particular language, but a type of simplified intermediate language stuck between two or more grown up languages. Consider the top "De one we dem de read well well" story on today's BBC pidgin page, for which they advertise a September 6th, 2017 publication (archived):1

Woman wan troway poo-poo, come trap for window

Woman wey take her hand, pack her poo-poo comot di toilet of man wey she dey friend because "e no gree flush" enter trouble, after she go try collect di poo-poo back.

The woman wey dey learn gymnastics, just start to waka with Bristol student, Liam Smith, for di first time, when she take fear troway di poo-poo comot for window.

Instead make di thing land for garden, di poo-poo come jam between two windows wey no dey open wide.

Di lady decide to carry her thing back; she use head enter the small space wey di poo-poo bin dey, but na so she come trap for there, and trouble start.

Mr Smith say im no get choice but to call fire service make dem help remove di girl, along with her poo-poo.

Now, im don dey try raise money to repair di windows wey break, so e write all di tori for inside one University of Bristol crowd funding page.

And on it goes. Observe some headlines:

  • Anglophone crisis: Gunshots, killings, car burning, as separatists force ‘lockdown’ for pipo
  • Tiger nut drink fit wake up your sex drive – Nutritionist
  • Anoda woman don die afta 'Brazilian bum-bum' to add extra ikebe
  • 'We fit vote wrong party on election day'
  • Ghana Foreign Ministry remove Mahatma Gandhi statue from University campus afta protests say he be 'racist'
  • Ambulances no dey, yet you wan use $12 million for medical drones – Minority blast Ghana gov't
  • Yaba #MarketMarch to stop touch-touch make us almost chop beating – Organizer
  • Sexual Harassment: Yaba market march to stop touch-touch make us almost chop beating – Organizer

The last two headlines suggest this particular pidgin is a rather squishy thing. The editors want to press a line in a way that's understood while also forcing their preferred buzzword into the pidgin as it continues to develop. Further analysis of this Royally Chartered "BBC Pidgin" discovered in the wild is left to the bloggers.

  1. A rather damning indictment of traffic for BBC Pidgin stories  ↩