Merkel Regime To Broaden Issuance Of Driving Bans In Germany

Reports are emerging that the Angela Merkel regime in Germany is prepared to push through new legislation that would make drivers license revocation a common sanction for non-driving related "crimes" against the Zher majesty the EuroFührer Angela Merkel. While much of the public justification for the new measures involve detering youth crime (archived), suggested offenses include failing to pay child support as an absentee parent. Naturally the measure would be used to punish dissidents as "hate speech" would be similarly subject to driving license revocation. The new motoring sanctions would be levelled in combination with the EuroFührer's most popular sanction, the suspended prison sentence. This adds to the threat of arbitrary imprisonment for violating the sentence's suspension1 further punishment in the form of travel restrictions. Sorry for your laws, but papers please.


  1. Because why judicially imprison someone after trial when you can administratively imprison them later.  

Sorry For Your 36.067%

Bitfinex made an updated announcement on the status of their Socialization plan, with users set to take a 36.067% loss in the ass when the exchange re-opens in 24-48 hours. (archived) Party officials said they will need a few more days to hatch excuses to "explain in full detail the methodology used to compute these losses". Delusional party members thanked their wise leaders for the haircut in the comments section, praising Buttfinex's decision to redistribute wealth as they saw fit. Losses are reported to be distributed against all asset classes "held" on Bitfinex. They are the 36.067%!

Bitfinex Embraces Socialism In Losing

Buttfinex released yet another cryptic statement this evening, calling the so-called hack a "socialized loss" which likely translates into more sorry for your loss for their customers. The statement simply said there are no hard figures yet officially released, but the company promised an amended FAQ and more information regarding the extent of the breach tomorrow. Bitfinex, making socialism great again since 2013.

Blog Post On Insurance Disappears From BitGo Website

On February 25th 2015 BitGo, the firm which "held" the recently liberated Bitfinex customer coins in a sort of deviant escrow demanded by the United States Commodity and Futures Trading Commision, published a blog post on how they were insured against theft. That blog post is no longer available on BitGo's website. Bitstamp reportedly also uses BitGo in a similar capacity though they assure customers that the particulars of their arrangement are so different this could never happen to their customers.

P2SH considered harmful, sorry for your loss.

Phree Software Download Website Fosshub Distributed MBR Tainting Malware

This week the free software download website Fosshub distributed master boot record tainting malware after reportedly being compromised (archived). The alleged attackers are trumpeting that in spite of producing malware that infected the master boot record of affected machines, that bundling further malware with an impact beyond vandalizing machine start up output was too much for them. Such claims are to be taken with a grain of salt and affected machines cleansed with fire. Sorry for your loss.

Woman's Facebook Account Suspended During Fatal Standoff

Korryn Gaines (WOT:nonperson) was killed by Baltimore County police during a standoff. Before killing the 23 year old woman police requested that Facebook suspend the social media accounts she was using to broadcast her personal revolution. Facebook obliged, she died. Apparently the revolution will not be Facebooked, Instagrammed or Whatapp'd.1 Peace in our time.


  1. As these are all Facebook social media properties.  

Bitfinex Director Claims 119,756 Bitcoins Lost

Reddit user zanetackett, Director of Community and Product Development for Bitfinex, is now claiming that losses total 119,756 BTC in the hack reported on earlier today. Attackers were apparently able to obtain the offline keys used for the multisig setup used by the exchange, though Buttfinex officials have yet to comment on the exact attack vector. The company further states that "their insurance does not cover these losses" and that "Any settlements will be at the current market prices as of 18:00 UTC" which was just at $600 per coin.

Yet Another Underwhelming Effort To Fork Bitcoin Unveiled

After the grossly underwhelming reveal of last month's "Terminator Plan" hard fork buzz this month brings yet another social engineering attempt. A new subreddit named "btcfork" was publicly announced and it swiftly filled with a bunch of activity from people who won't attach names to the positions they are trying to advance. Apparently having people with names was the problem this whole time! This latest attempt comes after Ethereum hard forked with substantial lulz. The nameless posters however insist that this will be different and successful. Sorry fork, your loss.

Phuctor Finds Seven Keys Produced With Null RNG, And Other Curiosities

Phuctor is a public service, operated by S.NSA. It catalogues extant RSA public keys which are known to be inexpensively breakable.1

Recently, Phuctor's algorithmic arsenal was expanded to include a search for perfect squares, which was then further generalized to Fermat's factorization method. A perfect square RSA modulus results from an ill-conceived, subverted, or otherwise catastrophically-broken key generator where a cryptographic prime P is created and immediately re-used verbatim, as prime Q. An RSA modulus factorable via Fermat's method contains two factors which are dangerously (i.e., cheaply-discoverably) close together. This typically results from a lulzimplementation of RSA where prime Q is generated by finding NextPrime(P), rather than independently.

The perfect square finder immediately yielded up a modulus which consisted merely of the square of the next prime following 2^1023. This type of RSA public modulus is consistent with a scenario where a PGP client is operated on a system containing a null-outputting RNG. This trivially-breakable modulus was found to occur in no fewer than seven RSA public keys, claiming the following user IDs:

  1. Mahmood Khadeer <mhkhadee AT hotmail.com>
  2. none <algemeenoptie2 AT gmail.com>
  3. Godless Prayer <godless.prayer AT gmx.de>
  4. john <john.k.pescador AT hawaii.gov>
  5. Bjoern Schroedel <bjoern AT schroedel.cc>
  6. Bjoern Schroedel <bjoern.schroedel AT gmx.de>
  7. Nick Ruston <alliancemicro AT dodemall.redcheetah.com>

Mr. Pescador appears to be, or to have once been, an employee of the State of Hawaii, a curator of data.hawaii.gov (archived), and — apparently — of an empty GitHub repository. (archived). Mr. Khadeer is the President of the Muslim Association of Puget Sound (MAPS) in Redmond (archived), famous primarily for 'heartfelt condemnations' (archived) of this and that, published like clockwork for the past decade. Not much is publicly known about the other victims and/or perpetrators of brain-damaged cryptography in the above list.

The subsequent search for Fermat-factorable RSA moduli yielded exactly one additional result. This very peculiar PGP public key is suggestive of an aborted attempt at the development of a cross-site scripting (XSS) attack against PGP users who might decode the key and display its User ID field in certain WWW browsers.

Peace in our ctime();


  1. For the comedic gold let it be pointed out that prior to Phuctor's existence this kind of key simply did not exist, as per official truth. Nowadays they "obviously" do exist, but after the failure of embrace-extend-hijack attempts spearheaded by Hanno Böck, the deceitful shitbag they're simply "not interesting" as per the same official narrative ; and moreover, systematic causes for their existence still do not exist, at any rate not past "Cosmic Rays did it". Certainly the involvement of the usual array of inept USG agencies can not possibly be suspected. Isn't official nonsense ever so fascinating ? 

Bitfinex Breaks: Fiat Exchange That Never Had Anything To Do With Bitcoin Finally Goes Away

To quote from 2013 :

MPOE-PR AvatarI. Self-moderated "support thread", filled with a bunch of socks posting nonsense. This is standard scammer operating procedure.
II. Running stolen, bug ridden software (the old Bitcoinica codebase) that has already proven itself useless in the marketplace (three times!)
III. Scammers themselves admit to crediting "investors" infinite USD/BTC to execute the naive users.
It's true that scammer tags aren't really given out much anymore, but that's no reason to allow well known scammers run amok. You have been warned.

To quote from 2016 :

We are investigating the breach to determine what happened, but we know that some of our users have had their bitcoins stolen. We are undertaking a review to determine which users have been affected by the breach. While we conduct this initial investigation and secure our environment, bitfinex.com will be taken down and the maintenance page will be left up.

Sorry for your loss.