Category Archives: Shitware

"Work Verification" Spyware On Its Way To Mandatory In US Slave Empire

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A proposal working its way towards approval in New Jersey would mandate contractors working on government projects use "work verification" software that captures screenshots, logs keystrokes, and gives "real time access" to a new class of government hires verifying contractor billable hours (archived). The proposal comes only 12 years too late to prevent dicking around with technology at the workplace now that anyone in the Americas with a somewhat regular income can acquire their own ipNohe or other fondle slab. The ipNohE or fondle slab allows layabouts1 to lolcat on both their own screen and their employer's time.

  1. Layabouts are generally the only class of biped USG and its allies can afford to hire.  ↩

British Broadcasting Corporation Now Publishing Articles In Language They Describe Only As "Pidgin"

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It has come to attention that the BBC, a Royal Chartered and tax funded broadcaster in Airstrip One, is now publishing articles online in a language they describe only as "pidgin" (archived). Nevermind that "pidgin" means not any particular language, but a type of simplified intermediate language stuck between two or more grown up languages. Consider the top "De one we dem de read well well" story on today's BBC pidgin page, for which they advertise a September 6th, 2017 publication (archived):1

Woman wan troway poo-poo, come trap for window

Woman wey take her hand, pack her poo-poo comot di toilet of man wey she dey friend because "e no gree flush" enter trouble, after she go try collect di poo-poo back.

The woman wey dey learn gymnastics, just start to waka with Bristol student, Liam Smith, for di first time, when she take fear troway di poo-poo comot for window.

Instead make di thing land for garden, di poo-poo come jam between two windows wey no dey open wide.

Di lady decide to carry her thing back; she use head enter the small space wey di poo-poo bin dey, but na so she come trap for there, and trouble start.

Mr Smith say im no get choice but to call fire service make dem help remove di girl, along with her poo-poo.

Now, im don dey try raise money to repair di windows wey break, so e write all di tori for inside one University of Bristol crowd funding page.

And on it goes. Observe some headlines:

  • Anglophone crisis: Gunshots, killings, car burning, as separatists force ‘lockdown’ for pipo
  • Tiger nut drink fit wake up your sex drive – Nutritionist
  • Anoda woman don die afta 'Brazilian bum-bum' to add extra ikebe
  • 'We fit vote wrong party on election day'
  • Ghana Foreign Ministry remove Mahatma Gandhi statue from University campus afta protests say he be 'racist'
  • Ambulances no dey, yet you wan use $12 million for medical drones – Minority blast Ghana gov't
  • Yaba #MarketMarch to stop touch-touch make us almost chop beating – Organizer
  • Sexual Harassment: Yaba market march to stop touch-touch make us almost chop beating – Organizer

The last two headlines suggest this particular pidgin is a rather squishy thing. The editors want to press a line in a way that's understood while also forcing their preferred buzzword into the pidgin as it continues to develop. Further analysis of this Royally Chartered "BBC Pidgin" discovered in the wild is left to the bloggers.

  1. A rather damning indictment of traffic for BBC Pidgin stories  ↩

DNA Testing Firm Gives Client Data To FBI

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DNA testing firm FamilyTreeDNA has been caught openly handing over customers information to the criminal FBI without their knowledge or consent (archived). CEO Bennett Greenspan claims his desire to be a "crime-fighter" and live out his fantasy of being Batman without the risk of getting punched was the motive for his appalling subversion of customer trust.

Former Mexican President Enrique Pena Nieto Accused Of Taking 250 Million USD Bribe By USG Witness As Guzman Trial Continues

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The trial of Joaqín 'El Chapo' Guzman continues to deliver drama as a USG witness for the prosecution alleges former Mexican President Enrique Pena Nieto requested a 250 million USD bribe from Guzman which was paid after Nieto took office (archive). The singing stoolie Alex Cifuentes clarified that he was unsure of the exact amount though US based media outlets appear to have settled on 100 million USD as a consensus figure to use in ther headlines for reasons that remain elusive.

US Profesional Organization For Psychologists Condemns Masculinity As Harmful

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The 'American Psychological Association' has declared masculinity as harmful and in the course of doing so has marginalized half of the human race based on their biology (archived). The critique offered by the organization, which represents most practicing clinical psychologists in the US, most intensenly condemneds masculine traits that have positive roles in making societies worth living in. Why would cows need status and adventure to find fulfillment?

As Yellow Jackets Continue Undermining Macron, Despot To Sign Treaty Futher Eroding Separation Between France And Germany

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As French Despot Macron continues gassing his own people, Yellow Jackets continue striking at the structures supporting the despot. Yellow Jackets and parties sympathetic to their cause have crippled more than 60 percent of the remote "speed trap" cameras used to control French drivers and enforce a national 80 km/hour speed limit on rural roads imposed last summer (archived).

With his apparatus of oppression under ongoing assualt by the French people, Macron is planning to sign a treaty with Germany further integrating the two in Aaachen on January 22nd (archived). The treaty will lay out a path for unifying France and Germany militarily while committing France to advance a number of positions in Germany's interest including a push to award Germany a permanent seat on the UN security council.1

  1. Effectively a second German seat as Macron is already feeding everything French to Germany.  ↩

"El Chapo" Allegedly Used VOIP, Had Sysadmin Flipped By Criminal FBI

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As Joaqín 'El Chapo' Guzman's trial continues USG agents are alleging they flipped an IT guy running a private VOIP network, then had him deliver 'the' encryption keys to him after which they recorded hundreds of hours of calls (archived). The IT guy in question, Cristian Rodriguez was even kept alive and working after Guzman suspected him of incompetence following an FBI induced incident where the network's servers "needed" moved from Canada to the Netherlands.

After this move Rodriguez delivered the new network's keys to the FBI, the possibility of which suggests poor key management procedures and a lack of functional information security knowlege on Guzman's part. The tools and culture necessary to thrive in the future are being developed in The Most Serene Republic. To ignore the Republic and its offerings is a choice, and that choice means adopting a posture of perpetual vulnerability.

Lone University Employed 'Sokal Squared' Author Faces Sanctions As Apparently Academic Journal Editors Are 'Uninformed Human Research Subjects' And Not Human Spam Filters

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Peter Boghossian is facing sanctions at Portland State University for his participation in an investigation into the intellectual bankruptcy of contemporary 'academic journals' purporting to publish in the 'social sciences' (archived). The University's institutional review board has determined Boghossian is guilty 'research misconduct' under the guise that academic journal editors being presented candidate papers are 'uninformed human research subjects' when their purported job involves functioning as a sort of meat powered spam filter. The board futher is alleging Boghossian engaged in academic fraud dismissing the core discovery of the investigation, that there are in fact very few checks against the publication of academic fraud in 'prestige journals' by parties less inclined to disclose their deceptions.