Clinton Found A Turkey!

In a clearly US-driven, desperate attempt to create some cover for a badly battered President Bahamas, Turkey uninspiredly decided to involve itself in the US-RU conflict over Syria. Transparently, the State Department judges that downing an old Russian plane might offer some opportunity to re-brand a multi-year string of painful humiliations the US president suffered on the global stage into a local conflict between local powers. As outright insane as this approach may be, it is perfectly consistent with the US tradition of denial and misrepresentation of failure, a tradition that ensured a century of constant, predictable and egregious failure while effectually preventing any possibility of learning, with the ultimately unsurprising result of ruining that country. Continue reading

Breaking: Suspected Lone Gunman Wounds 3 (Update: 5) Colorado Police Officers, Still At Large

Reports are emerging from Colorado Springs that a Planned Parenthood political health clinic is under assault by an active shooter who has wounded at least three four five police officers and inflicted unknown civilian casualties (archived). As of this publication time, the shooter is still outside of police custody and presumed to be alive. A motive for the attack is undetermined with possibilities ranging from anger about abortion, to a desire to kill police officers, or even annoyance that the political health clinic inundates him with fundraising spam. The shooter reportedly is using a "high powered rifle."

Update: A suspect has allegedly been taken in to police custody alive.

North Carolina State Troopers On Food Stamps

In yet another example of provincial governments in the United States being unable to keep their promises of largess, a class action suit with half of North Carolina's State Police force joined as members alleges the state owes them substantial back pay and other promised compensation (archived). Some of the troopers are reportedly having to supplement their wages from the state with food stamps, Medicaid,  and supplementary employment. North Carolina instituted pay freezes for state troopers in 2009. This move in addition to allowing the state to shift the burden of covering the cost of nutrition and medical care for trooper's families offers further savings to North Carolina's government as the lower frozen wage rate is used in retirement calculations for troopers leaving the force. Continue reading

President Hussein Bahamas Ends National Security Speech With "Happy Thanksgiving"

President Bahamas

In a nationally televised speech to residents of the United States President Hussein Bahamas ended his missive on the grave threat posed to the United States by ISIL with "Happy Thanksgiving" today. Whether President Hussein Bahamas is thankful for the lack of knowledge of imminent threats as he professed or the recent escalation of centuries old tensions between Turkey and Russia is undetermined.

"World Terror Day" Does Not Happen as "Anonymous" Predicts, Mass Shooting Occurs Anyways

Mainstream news reporting suggests that "World Terror Day" events as predicted by "Anonymous" to happen on November 22nd did not come to pass. Brussels, Belgium however remains locked down due to government claims of an imminent threat. There was further a mass shooting at the playground "Bunny Friend Park" in New Orleans, Louisiana with at least 17 victims wounded (archived). No suspect in the Bunny Friend Park mass shooting has yet been named, and no motive for the shooting has been supposed by the local authorities at this time.

Paris Mass Shooters Used Plaintext SMS to Coordinate

According to French police during a raid where they killed the alleged coordinator of last Friday's mass shooting in Paris, a phone was found with plaintext SMS messages used in coordinating the event (archived). The Paris mass shooting different from those in the United States where such events occur with greater frequency in that the the French attack utilized a group of allegedly 8 shooters while such events in the United States more typically involve shooters working as individuals or pairs. French President Hollande has responded to the mass shooting with a declaration of emergency and the suspension of numerous civil rights for French citizens. Hollande has issued statement to the effect of assuring all French citizens regardless of their religious or ethnic background that their civil rights have been suspended equally.