Following a short standoff with a suspect who allegedly killed 5 Dallas police officers and wounded 7, Dallas police resolved the situation by sending a bomb squad robot to the suspects location and detonating a lethal explosive killing the suspect. This drone killing followed an incident where police officers supervising a Black Lives matter protest were fired upon by one or more persons operating from elevated sniper positions.1 At a press conference today the chief of the Dallas police department confidently reported that the victim of the drone bombing expressed a desire to kill white people while disavowing membership in the "Black Lives Matter" movement. Peace in our time.
Category Archives: Security
Water Charity Maximizes Their Marketing On Paypal's Venmo
A charity group has reportedly unwittingly used a vulnerability in Paypal's Venmo service to spam users, and perform a DoS attack on it's own network. waterislife.com reportedly used the loophole to automatically send 1 cent to a person every time they used the service to purchase products online, with one example message stating "“1 cent can’t buy you pizza. But for just 3 cents, you can buy someone clean water for a day.” There is no current restriction on the number of successive requests allowed by a single user, leaving one to expect other mass advertisers will quickly follow suit. Venmo has yet to offer word as to whether imitating the mass spam transaction service ChangeTip will be considered a bug or a feature. WaterIsLife did not disclose how much the campaign cost them to run, but reportedly received $400 USD in donations on the first day.
Days Of Rain Set Corn Crop Up For Strong Finish
Substantial amounts of rain over the past several days covering largely unirrigated portions of the American Midwest has likely set the corn crop up for success in spite of the threat of a La Nina driven drought. This is bullish for America's collective transition to the Mayo gender. Between the ageing surpluses of grain accumulated over several years and the adipose tissue attached to its many hamplanets, the United States is well entrenched in an agricultural crisis driven by an uncontrolled surplus of food energy. Not only are "food" calories in the United States becoming too cheap to meter, millions of eager mouths are testing this premise. Sorry for your loss.
CoinJoin Not A Privacy Tool After All
Joinmarket, the Bitcoin tumbler service apparently popular among darknet market aficionados today announced that their service isn't actually very anonymous after all. Project developer Chris Belcher (WOT:nonperson) stated that "there are some possible vulnerabilities which could be exploited to spy on every user." While this was identified approximately one year ago, nothing was done to remedy the issue until multiple users noticed deanonymizing attacks happening in real time. Belcher assures his users that "We have a pretty good idea how to fix this" and after discussing the matter with CoinJoin creator Gregory Maxwell (WOT:gmaxwell) they together suppose they have an algorithm that will make it more difficult for attackers to uncover information on utxo's. It was admitted that "This algorithm is not intended as a complete solution to that issue" leaving darknet market users with another steaming pile of shitware.
Counterpoint: Maybe Comey Didn't Want To "Crush His Own Throat" #ClintonPrivilege
Former President of the United Nations General Assembly John Ashe (WOT:nonperson) was officially determined to have died from a heart attack even though the local police officers who initially investigated his death noted his throat had been crushed (archived). John Ashe was set to testify against Hillary Rodham-Clinton (WOT:nonperson) and is the latest casualty of Clinton privilege. Clinton privilege is known to induce "suicide" in persons who threaten the success or continued privilege of Clintons with one of its earliest known victims being Vince Foster (WOT:nonperson). These "coincidences" likely informed the FBI stooge's (WOT:nonperson) decision to make a public announcement earlier today affirming his support for Clinton privilege. Sorry for your loss.
FBI Stooge Affirms Clinton Privilege
FBI Director James Comey (WOT:nonperson) announced today that his office would be affirming Hillary Rodham Clinton's (WOT:nonperson) Clinton privilege. For the crimes of being a horrible sysadmin, running an email server which leaked US foreign policy secrets, and trying to conceal her violation of the laws concerning the handling of classified information Comey found nothing worth his pressing charges over. Never mind that David Petraeus (WOT:nonperson) , the second coming of Uncle Sam had his career destroyed over less when he faced the criminal charges. Check your1 privilege!2
Clinton ↩
No, seriously go through your ancestor's belongings to find the family tree and connect it to the Clinton family tree lest you suffer like Ross Ulbricht who had no Clinton privilege. ↩
Suicide Bombers Strike Saudi Arabia
Three cities in Saudi Arabia were hit by suicide bombers yesterday. One of the sites targeted was near the Prophet's Mosque in the Muslim holy city of Medina. The implications of suicide bombers striking near the burial place of Muhammad as opposed to Paris, a gay bar, or social services center is left to the alert reader. Peace in our time.
First Anniversary of BIP 66 Clusterfuck
One year ago the BIP 66 clusterfuck happened. The chainsplit following the "activation" revealed that many miners were using simplified (and dysfunctional) chain verification, which led to abundant lols and chain splits. Turns out "soft" forks aren't all that soft! More splits happened after the initial split that inaugurated the clusterfuck, and they happened for the same reason. Never forget!
Preet Indicts Hondurans In Honduras
Agent of oppresion Preet Bharara handed out indictments to 6 Honduran policemen on Wednesday. These officers are not of Preet's District in Manhattan or even the United States. The officers allegedly conspired to smuggle cocaine between points that are not in the United States, though Preet assures the destination was the United States and not one of the other countries that likes cocaine too.1Undercover officers fraudulently misrepresenting themselves as Mexican narcotics wholesalers offered the officers a million United States dollars in bribes to "ensure the safe passage of tons of cocaine through the jungles of Honduras" Bharara said. The officers allegedly operated the smuggling ring over a ten year period. Last month Fabio Porfirio Lobo, the son of a former Honduran president, plead guilty to some charges and introduced the accused officers to the fake merchants. Sorry for your laws Mister World Police.
This list consists of all of the countries. ↩
US Customs Seeks To Control Social Media Imports
A proposal from US Customs and Border Protection will ask visa applicants to reveal their social media identities, a move they claim will keep the country safer from terrorists. The announcement on thefederalregister.gov website stated "It will be an optional data field to request social media identifiers to be used for vetting purposes, as well as applicant contact information. Collecting social media data will enhance the existing investigative process and provide DHS greater clarity and visibility to possible nefarious activity and connections by providing an additional tool set which analysts and investigators may use to better analyze and investigate the case." No mention was made on how the agency plans to verify the data found within the social media profiles, seeing as terrorists will likely just make fake profiles or be in possession of multiple identities.