US Animal Suicides Require Motorist Warning

The substantial number of suicidal deer plaguing Mitchell County, Iowa has pushed local officials to warn motorists of the hazard presented by wildlife at the end of their rope (archived). The hazard to motorists is so severe that in spite of protests that the signs were insensitive to persons who had experienced suicide, the hazard presented by suicidal deer becoming "an hero" fighting against bipedal motorists and the frequency of past events necessitated the warning remain as is.

America Rejected By All But Its Worst

John Kasich, the physical incarnation of America, was soundly thrashed in all of the "Battleground Tuesday" electoral contests except one. That one was Ohio. Ohio is for many sound reasons the objectively worst part of America. At least in every way except for the one where Ohio actually stood by America and it's avatar on Earth John Kasich in an electoral contest. So far John Kasich, America has lost every nominating contest this electoral season except Ohio.

Aspiring 'An Hero' Survives Police Station Assault

Michael Ford, despite recording his last will and testament in anticipation of dying to become 'an hero' to the people, managed to survive an armed assault on a police station in Landover, Maryland (archived). Instead a narcotics detective in street clothes who intervened to allow his fellow officers an opportunity to capture Ford alive was fatally shot by his fellow officers. Two of Ford's brothers who were present as non-combatant journalists are in police custody for recording the event in a clear assault by police on the American constitutional right for citizens to act as a free press. Video of the incident does not yet appear to be available on WORLDSTARHIPHOP at this time.

Point: Washington Thugs Testing GM Mosquitos

This Editor in Chief has filed an Op-Ed in response to piece of news.

The assembly of hoodrats headed by Hussein Bahamas in Washington D.C. requests public comment regarding a field trial of genetically modified mosquitoes (archived) in Key Haven, Florida. Such trials have already been conducted in Brazil, the Cayman Islands, Panama, and Malaysia. The variation of Aedes aegypti engineered by Oxitec, Ltd. (archived) is supposed to breed with existing populations, and pass on a fatal alteration its genetic code. Notably this fatal alteration merely has a suppressive effect on populations creating a need to continually shell out for more bezzle bugs. Continue reading

FBI Agents Investigated For Misconduct In Lavoy Finicum's Murder While Insisting Slaying Was Justified

The United States Department of "Justice" whose loyal FBI soldiers murdered Lavoy Finicum is continuing to insist the murder of this American hero was justified, even though it has been compelled to open a criminal investigation into several of the FBI Agents who unleashed the fatal hail of bullets on Finicum (archived). The alleged criminal behavior happened as the triggers were being pulled to fire bullets at Finicum, concerns the triggermen firing bullets at Finicum, and involves a conspiracy of the triggermen's FBI comrades in covering up facts about the events of Lavoy Finicum's martyrdom. Naturally the Preets at the Department of "Justice" continue insist the shooting was justified as their own enforcers go feral.

Leaked Voicemails Show Donald Trump-Clinton Cozy With Liberal Media

A number of leaked voicemails show New York con artist and politician Donald Trump-Clinton's warm, cozy relationship with members of the leftist media. Despite the character Trump-Clinton plays on television presenting an adversarial relationship with the mainstream media, the leaked messages show affection for Trump demonstrated by NBC personalities as diverse as Joe Scarborough, Mika Brzezinski, and Tamron Hall (archived). Continue reading

Frontier County Prosecutor Alleges Circle Jerk iPhone Carries "Cyber Pathogens"

District Attorney Michael Ramos of San Bernadino County in California's desert frontier is now alleging the famous circle jerk iPhone 5c is now carrying a "cyber pathogen" (archived). With this latest wankery the podunk attorney is attempting to seriously allege a couple with a dangerous cyber pathogen would get themselves killed in a mundane shooting spree before they could deploy it. It's like suggesting a bio terrorist with Zika or Dengue would similarly get themselves killed in a boring normal shooting before spreading it to as many flying syringes as possible.