United States President has begun closing his first hundred days in office by unveiling his tax simplification plan which primarily benefits low to middle income wage earners to much outrage from socialists as it favors the working poor over the dependent poor. Key points of the reform include a doubling of the standard deduction which would help to catch that figure up with the actual inflation of the United States dollar. It means a member of the working poor would have been able to earn up to $12,600 in 2017 before any of their income became taxable.

Trump's tax reform as unveiled also proposes an end to numerous special interest tax deductions targeted to the dependent "makework welfare" class preserving only the deductions for mortgage interest and charitable contributions.

Other assorted reforms include a reduction of personal income tax brackets from 7 to 3. On the business side a reduction of the business tax rate to 15%, and numerous simplifications would offer substantial relief to independent contractors and small business owners.

While these reforms proposed by Trump would offer an improvement to working Americans over what they face now, they are still a far cry from the enlightened tax policy of the sovereign, The Most Serene Republic.

Americans are kept awake as an alleged serial killer eludes law enforcement for more than half a day on what is commonly referred to by hypocrites as the anniversary of their lord's resurrection. Many notice the disconnect between NSA's supposed ability to spy on everybody, and the ongoing inability of the agency to catch a man who broadcast one of his murders live on a popular circle jerk web platform via his cellular telephone. Despite this brief foray into sanity, they fail to recognize that such tools exist for the sole purpose of maintaining a pretense of U.S. Government importance, and that aimless mass shooters pose no threat to it. Amidst vain prayers for the alleged victim are expressions of outrage over the published video of his death, mooed by barely literate cows who have long been oblivious to the fact that these kinds of senseless killings take place on a daily basis throughout the world. It hasn't yet sunk in for those too lazy to read the log that the United States is the new Brazil; soon to be the new Argentina.

Dallas, Texas officials are still attempting to figure out who hacked into the city's emergency warning system Friday night, setting off all 156 sirens across the city and inundating the 911 center with calls from concerned residents. The warning system, which alert residents to severe weather or other public emergencies, was likely breached by someone within close proximity to the Dallas area according to city spokeswoman Sana Syed. Budding Sherlock and Mayor Mike Rawlings said this was "evidence of a need to upgrade and safeguard the city's technology infrastructure", since this obviously wasn't being done before.

The attacker was able to turn the sirens back on 15 times in a 90 minute period, thwarting technicians trying to stop them. City officials were forced to contact the Federal Communications Commission for assistance when it became obvious they were unable to prevent the hackers from rearming the system again once shut off, and were hopeful the system would be restored to "normal operations" again by the end of the weekend, likely meaning returning it to its former state and hoping no one breaks it again.