Category Archives: North America

HFPA Insists Former Head's Groping Of 'George of the Jungle' Was A Joke

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The Hollywood Foreign Press Association has concluded their investigation into former head Philip Berk's groping of George of the Jungle, born Brendan Frasier, at a Golden Globes event in 2003 (archived). The group has concluded the incident was a joke. The then 34 year old George of the Jungle recalled of the incident:

His left hand reaches around, grabs my ass cheek, and one of his fingers touches me in the taint. And he starts moving it around. I felt ill. I felt like a little kid. I felt like there was a ball in my throat. I thought I was going to cry.

Last month Riverstone Pictures released a children's film titled Show Dogs in which the central plot point was a police dog "finding his quiet place" in order to get over his discomfort with dog show judges manhandling his genitalia.

Miss America Pageant No Longer A Pageant Or About Beautiful Women

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The organizers of the Miss America pageant announced today that they will be scrapping all appearance based aspects of their contest including the evening gown and swimsuit portions (archived). The organization's chairwoman, 1989 contest winner and Fox News hostess Gretchen Carlson offered on the changes:

We are not going to judge you on your outward appearance. We want more women to know that they are welcome in this organization… We are moving it forward and evolving it in this cultural revolution…

US And China Play Naval Footsie

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Substantial noise is being made this weekend over a game of Naval footsie between US and Chinese warships in the South China Sea (archived). The cause for the drama is the fact that US warships can no longer navigate the South China Sea on the strength of the US Navy's armament, in this young century their presence in the South China Sea has been reduced to a courtesy extended to the US ships by Chinese Armed Forces.

US Embassy Staff Member Suffers Alleged "Sonic Brain Injury" In China

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A member of the US embassy staff in China has reported to have suffered a "mild brain injury" after experiencing a abnormal sound. Similar incidents in Cuba lead the US to depopulate its diplomatic mission in that country. That these incidents keep happening in US embassies raises the possibility that various surveillance and electronic warfare equipment maintained by the US empire in its embassies has adverse effects on human health.

US Alleges Some Guy Leaked CIA Tools But Doesn't Allege Strong Enough To Bring Charges

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Prosecutors working for the criminal gang commonly known as the US Government are alleging that Joshua Adam Schulte was somehow involved in leaking a suite of CIA hacking tools and other lulzy artifacts. These prosecutors however aren't making the allegations by actually filing charges against Schulte, just leaking their suspicions to Jeff Bezo's Amazon Presents Washington Post (archived). According to the leaks about the criminal case into the leaker, Schulte's apartment was raided late last year and the seizure of Schulte's computers, electronics, and handwritten notes failed to produce indictable evidence even by the low standards fashionable in US Courts these days.

The US case against Schulte appears to be anchored in Ulbrich type tor wank. Schulte remains in indefinite pre-trial detention on charges unrelated to the CIA leaks case.

Pantsuit Media Tries To Dethrone #WOKE Voice of a Generation Kanye West With Forced Meme

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With Kanye West, the #WOKE voice of a generation flying a Make America Great Again banner, mainstream Pantsuit outlets have launched an all out forced meme campaign to replace Kanye with a more obedient representative of Black America. For this pupose Pantsuit has settled on Donald Glover, a former NBC sitcom writer thoroughly indoctrinated in Pantsuit dogma. Continue reading →