Category Archives: News

Local TV Personalities Can't Stop Making US National News For Saying "Martin Luther Coon"

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Two local television news presenters have said "Martin Luther Coon" within less than two weeks making US national headlines in Pantsuit presses for their acts. The first incident on January 9th involved an upstate New York meteorologist who said "Martin Luther Coon King Jr." after which he was fired. In the most recent incident a Saint Louis, Missouri based morning news anchor mentioned an upcoming tribute to "Martin Luther Coon Jr" (archived). This lead to a conversation with station management and allegedly finding racism was not a part of the employee's "core beliefs" and accordingly no plans for additional discipline.

The frequency of this particular slip of the tongue has not lead to Pantsuits looking inward to ask the big question:

What societal factors are making this particular slip of the tongue so common among professionals with every incentive to avoid it?

Black Horse Down: UK 'Faster' Interbank Payment Network Fucking Lloyds Group Banks

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Customers of Lloyds group banks in Airstrip One are suffering problems with the new UK Interbank 'Faster Payments' network (archived). The problem 'Faster' interbank system is the result of an initiative to reduce the time required for transactions between UK banks to clear from days to seconds, or in the worst case hours. Complications arising from the payment network glitches are apparently rendering the banks' mobile apps and websites unreliable as well.

Trump Cancels Pantsuit Vacation Party

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As the partial USG shutdown continues, US President Donald Trump informed opposition party leader Nancy Pelosi that she and her partisans would be unable to take a group vacation to Belgium, Egypt, and Afghanistan using military aircraft while the partial shutdown continues (archived). Yesterday Pantsuitist Pelosi had threatened Trump with the prospect of being disinvited from delivering his State of the Union address in front of the lower legislative chamber she controls. She suggested President Trump instead submit his address in writing or reschedule it after the shutdown ends.

If the shutdown continues past 30 days, it is possible furloughed federal employees may be laid off and subject to reduction in force procedures. At present communications from the Office of Management and Budget say their present interpretation of the spirit of the statute is that it applies to planned rather "emergency" furloughs, but as always policy is subject to change.

Former Mexican President Enrique Pena Nieto Accused Of Taking 250 Million USD Bribe By USG Witness As Guzman Trial Continues

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The trial of Joaqín 'El Chapo' Guzman continues to deliver drama as a USG witness for the prosecution alleges former Mexican President Enrique Pena Nieto requested a 250 million USD bribe from Guzman which was paid after Nieto took office (archive). The singing stoolie Alex Cifuentes clarified that he was unsure of the exact amount though US based media outlets appear to have settled on 100 million USD as a consensus figure to use in ther headlines for reasons that remain elusive.

DNA Pioneer James Watson Stripped Of Chancellor Emeritus Title Over Afropessimism

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James Watson, notable for the discovery of DNA's double helix structure, has been stripped of his Chancellor Emeritus title at Cold Spring Harbor Laboratory after repeating the Afropessimist position that saw him pushed from the Chancellor position in 2007 (archived). The 1962 Nobel prize winner was involved in running the laboratory specializing in Genetics research until his forced departure. His replacements are ostacizing him specifically for being:

"gloomy about the prospect of Africa”

As the 2007 incident played out Watson attempted to clarify that his beliefs are informed by the available information on the problem. This latest attack on the 90 year old Watson follows the airing of a PBS documentary where Watson stated he regrets his views hadn't changed at all requiring:

"new knowledge, which says that your nurture is much more important than nature. But I haven’t seen any knowledge. And there’s a difference on the average between blacks and whites on IQ tests. I would say the difference is … it’s genetic.”

US Pantsuits Flip From Lauding To Condemning Freshman Congresswoman In One Week

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Within the course of one week Pantuits have gone from lauding freshman congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard to condemning her. Gabbard began the week high on Pantsuit praise for calling US President Donald Trump a motherfucker to falling as a pariah after announcing her intention to mount a presidential run in 2020 (archived). As soon as she displayed ambition of rising in the Pantsuit ranks she was attacked for supporting an end to Hillary Clinton's Infinity Wars, especially in Syria.

On other points party driving Pantsuits are offering criticisms of Gabbart that appear contrary to professed pantsuit values. Rejecting their value of diversity pantsuits are shunning rather than embracing her diverse Hindu nationalism. Rejecting their professed anti-Racism they are writing off her for opposing Israel for their racial caste system and Israeli violence against persons from different backgrounds.

Pantsuit Capital Allocator Jeff Bezos Mismanages Household To Dissolution After Sexing Up 49 Year Old Matron

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Pantsuit capitalist Jeff Bezos has mismanaged his household into dissolution as this week began with press releases announcing the amicable end of his 25 year long marriage. By the end of this week communications spurring from his affair with a 49 year old matron had entered the public domain (archived). The US state of Washington, where the Bezos family resided, is a "community property" state which raises the possibility of wife Mackenzie ending up higher on the Forbes list than Jeff after the courts are done liquidating the household.

Three Weeks Into Partial USG Shutdown Over Single Budget Item, Small Signs Becoming Visible

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Three weeks into a partial shutdown of the USG over legislative intransigence with respect to one budget item President Trump holds dear, there have been few visible differences thus far between an operating USG and a shutdown USG. Signs however are beginning to accumulate as TLS certificates expire and government websites go without updates (archived).

Huawei Sales Director Arrested In Poland Over Ambiguous Spying Charges

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A Huawei sales director and a form Polish internal security service professional have been arrested in Poland (archived). Some sort of connection between the Chinese firm and China's state intelligence services is alleged, but details about how exactly this created a problem for this specific Huawei employee remain ellusive.

US Profesional Organization For Psychologists Condemns Masculinity As Harmful

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The 'American Psychological Association' has declared masculinity as harmful and in the course of doing so has marginalized half of the human race based on their biology (archived). The critique offered by the organization, which represents most practicing clinical psychologists in the US, most intensenly condemneds masculine traits that have positive roles in making societies worth living in. Why would cows need status and adventure to find fulfillment?