Category Archives: News

Three Times As Many Electors Rejected Clinton Than Trump, Colin Powell Finally Draws Votes

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The final count of Electoral votes in the United States Presidential election is TRUMP 304, Clinton 228, Colin Powell 3, John Kasich 1, Ron Paul 1, and Faith the spotted eagle 1. Several electors committed to Hillary Rodham Clinton attempted to vote for Bernie Sanders, one in Maine and a few in other states but their attempts were ruled improper and in the case of the Maine elector they changed their vote while other Sanders supporting electors were simply replaced with new electors.

Only two electors defected from Trump leading to the single votes for Ron Paul and John Kasich. All other successful defections came from the Hillary electorate including three in Washington State who voted for Colin Powell.1 It is unknown how much "Russian hacking" was required to get three times as many Hillary electors to defect then Trump electors.

  1. In the 1992, 1996, and 2000 presidential elections Powell floated as a Presidential or Vice Presidential candidate. During the 1992 election both parties courted Powell as a Vice Presidential candidate before he came out of the Republican closet. ↩

Former Flint Emergency Managers Face Felony Charges

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Former emergency financial managers of the city of Flint, Michigan face multiple felony charges each carrying a possible 20 year prison sentence relating to that time they switched the municipal water system from mineral rich lake water to mineral poor river water. Companies purporting to traffic in water systems expertise including Veolia and Lockwood, Andrews and Newman which contributed to the situation without considering the critical matter of "What happens inside pipes used to mineral rich lake water when mineral poor river water runs through?"1 face civil action.

The decision to switch water sources was made because of "costs" though the cost of replacing every component of the municipal water system was not included in the initial decision. The region still continues to suffer an apparently unrelated struggle with Legionaries disease.

  1. The answer is that the new water takes up the mineral left by the old and eventually you have water running through bare lead taking up that metal.  ↩

Democrats Attempt To Threaten/Bribe Electors In Bid To Stop The Great Again

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Today as the electoral college meets in the 50 capitols of the United States new has emerged that members of the various state colleges of electors have been subject to threats, intimidation, and attempts at bribery.1 In Pennsylvania a state police security detail was attached to each elector, and all 20 electors managed to cast their votes for Donald Trump and Mike Pence. So far no news of Trump electors defecting has been reported though a Maine elector committed to Hillary Rodham-Clinton did defect and voted instead for Bernie Sanders. Pence in our Time.

  1. Michael Moore, director of the film Canadian Bacon, has been public in his efforts to bribe electors to defect and vote contrary to the will of their constituents.  ↩

GMO Superweed Approved For Commercial Sale In Waning Days Of Hussein Bahamas USDA

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The United States Department of Agriculture lead by Hussein Bahamas appointee Tom Vilsack has approved commercial sales of a Roundup (TM)(R) resistant superweed developed by Monsanto and Scotts Miracle-Gro. The superweed is a genetically modified strain of creeping bentgrass capable of wind driven cross pollination with other wild and cultivated bentgrasses. Trial crops of this noxious weed escaped containment in 2003 with feral populations being discovered periodically through 2011.

In developing the current protocol for eradicating feral Roundup resistant bentgrass in Oregon, emergency approval was granted to apply a pair of controlled herbicides in irrigation canals and waterways.

Creeping bentgrass is a commercially important weed which is undesirable pest in crop fields and home lawns. This grassy equivalent of vermin however enjoys a small niche use on golf course putting greens though in many regions better alternative turfs are available.

Enjoy the fruits of your povertree.

The Wail of "Our Democracy"! A Holiday Roundup Xtend Special Edition (TM)(R)

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We bring tidings of lulz in this very Qntra Roundup Xtend Holiday Special Edition.

  • Following a recount of votes, Trump's margin of victory increased in the states where ballots were re-examined, and substantial voter fraud was uncovered in Michigan. It was revealed that in the democratic party stronghold of Detroit far more votes were initially counted than were actually cast, and this fraud favored Trump's challenger Hillary Rodham-Clinton. Officials in Detroit are attributing the fraud to "errors" involving faulty voting machines.  This news did not receive attention in the "mainstream" press.
  • Following a week long divide between the CIA and FBI on whether Russia influenced the election the two agencies came together to believe that Russia was probably involved. Further in a statement the US Secretary of Homeland Security and the Director of National Intelligence1 stated they believe that the sort of hacks observed could have only been ordered by senior Russian officials.
  • Wikileaks continues to assert that the leaked Democratic National Committee lulz came from a party insider.
  • A single spear phishing email reportedly compromised a number of servers at the United States' Department of Defense and the accounts of hundreds of senior officers including a number of Generals were compromised. As a result the Pentagon trashed the old machines, bought new machines, and bought new software licenses with which to refill the machines.
  • Media talking heads taking a "moderate" position on alleged Russian hacking are being moderate by suggesting Russia didn't hack voting machines, but instead "hacked" the voters through social engineering. To them this still amounts to unacceptable "foreign interference".
  • There is minimal discussion on the foreign interference on the election exercised by George Soros, The Guardian, Qatar, and numerous other supporters of Hillary Rodham Clinton's Democratic party.
  • The electoral college meets to submit the actual Presidential vote on Monday. Some especially butthurt fantasies involve the electors, selected for their history of party loyalty, might vote for someone other than the President elect. Another fantasy of the butthurt suggest their meeting be delayed until they can be "briefed" on all the "facts" concerning foreign interference in the election.2
  • Moves in fiat securities and bond markets suggest that with help from the guiding hand of the socialist controlled Federal Reserve, the president elect could be handed an fine handcrafted economic calamity early in his reign.
  • An informal poll of Hillary Rodham Clinton and Donald Trump voters3 suggests that 100% of them would have voted for Vladimir Putin if constitutional eligibility requirements for the Presidency were not a concern.

Peace in our uTime!

  1. Both political appointees from the side that lost the election.  ↩

  2. If such an unconstitutional delay was prolonged indefinitely Hussein Bahamas could conceivably serve as President for life.  ↩

  3. Two total respondents ↩

FUCKGOATS Schematics Released As Devices Ship

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The Festivus gifts continue to flow from Saint Stanislav's labs, with release of code sufficient for users to audit and create their own FUCKGOATS.

asciilifeform:
" … it is everything you theoretically need to make YOUR OWN FUCKGOATS" (log)

The vpatches are avaible at the following locations:

http://nosuchlabs.com/fg/fg-genesis.vpatch
http://nosuchlabs.com/fg/fg-genesis.vpatch.asciilifeform.sig
http://nosuchlabs.com/fg/fg.jed
http://nosuchlabs.com/fg/fg.png
http://nosuchlabs.com/fg/trng_tw.png

More information on FUCKGOATS can be found at the No Such lAbs website: http://nosuchlabs.com/