Caving to religious groups and civil organizations, the government and mobile network operators on the island of Bali have decided to shut down connectivity to celebrate their local new year holiday. They insist wifi will be maintained for "strategic" services (archived).
Category Archives: Asia
Arrangements Being Made For Donald Trump To Meet Kim Jung Un
Numerous outlets are reporting that arrangements are being made for Best Korean Leaders Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un to meet.
Argentine Coast Guard Fires On And Is Outmaneuvered By Chinese Fishing Vessel
Argentina announced that last week it had fired at a Chinese flagged fishing vessel, Jing Yuan 626 and failed to capture the vessel after an 8 hour pursuit. (archived)
Chicoms Set To Lift Presidential Term Limits, Attempt To Putinize Xi Jinping
Reports are emerging that the Communist Party of China is set to remove lines from their constitution which limited Presidents to two consecutive terms at their upcoming Chicom party congress (archive). This move appears to be a step in the direction of the Chicoms committing to 64 year old General Secretary and President Xi Jinping for the rest of his natural or unnatural life.
Actual Headlines Found On Mainstream "Fake News" Publications
The following headlines were found on mainstream 'Fake News' outlets:
- "Woman complains Hobby Lobby’s raw cotton decor is racially insensitive "
- "Toys R Us might file for bankruptcy right before everyone starts holiday shopping"
- "St. Louis police investigate claim that officer called Black Lives Matter ‘domestic terrorists’"
- "St. Louis seeks a new police chief; some chanting required"
- "Armed LGBT student shot dead by Georgia police"
- "Family Wants Answers After Georgia Tech Police Kill LGBTQ Campus Leader"
- "Hundreds of Rohingya Villages in Flames"
Former Nobel Peace Prize Winner Graduates To Genocide In Move From Dissident To Head Of State
Aung San Suu Kyi, the 1990 Nobel Peace Prize Winner and current State Counsellor Of Myanmar,1 is facing allegations that she has advanced her collection of Peace skills to include genocide. Specifically her government is accused of pursuing peace with the Muslim Rohingya people of Myanmar's coastal Rakhine State by killing them all into a state of peaceful submission.
An ad hoc de facto head of state office created because she is constitutionally ineligible for Myanmar's Presidency. ↩
Exposed: US Navy Officer Corps Not Very Good At Boating
A publication calling itself the "Military Times" has published an exposé titled "Maybe today’s Navy is just not very good at driving ships" (archived). Unlike mainstream Fake News coverage of recent events, this exposé's narrative is concordant with known facts about the world including:
- Secretarial skills and consistently passing "inspection" are more valued in the Incan US Department of Defense than competence, job skills, or actual human functional abilities
- Naval Officers including "Surface Warfare Officers" were frequently taken out of maritime service in order to provide tours of administrative and secretarial support to land forces in the ongoing Union wars of aggression against Iraq and Afghanistan. Selections for these tours was looked upon favourably in promotion boards because "interdisciplinary" is a buzzword.
- The US Navy eliminated their 6 month basic Surface Warfare Officer course for newly commissioned officers in 2003. It was replaced by a 21 disk course on CD-ROM.
Fourteen years after the US Navy replaced their basic Surface Warfare Course with a CD-ROM boxed set, the longest experiment in computer disk based instructional courses is reaching its apex as graduates of the CD-ROM course are beginning to assume command positions. Pence in our time.
US Warship Named For Minor Dynasty Suffers Casualties After Aggressing Against 30,000 Ton, Ten Knot Commercial Vessel
The USS John S. McCain (DDG-56)1 suffered casualties after it collided with the Liberian commercial vessel Alnic MC in an act of aggression by the runty warship.
The runt, an Arleigh Burke class guided missile destroyer named for the grandfather and father of sitting US Senator John S. McCain III, for aggressing beyond its station suffered a hull breach flooding the barracks and reports 10 crew members missing with another five injured. The victim of the warship's ill advised aggression reports minor damage to their bow.
This is the third incident so far this year in the Pacific where aggression by a US warship against a commercial vessel lead to a collision. The only incident where the aggressing US warship inflicted more damaged than it suffered was when the thirty year old and 568 foot long USS Lake Champlain (CG-57) hit a 70 foot fishing vessel near Korea. In a fourth incident from this January the USS Antietam, named after the Battle of Sharpsburg in the American War of Northern Aggression, confused the ground with a commercial vessel and collided with it thereby self inflicting damage to its propulsion system.
Not to be confused with it's predecessor the USS John S. McCain (DL-3) which was commissioned 1953 – 1978 ↩
Obamacare Comes To India
In India more than sixty children are dead after the government run hospital they sought medical treatment at in Gorakhpur ran out of oxygen (archived). The hospital's bill for liquid oxygen deliveries had apparently gone unpaid for some time. The many bureaucratic layers of the Indian Obamacare death panels are pointing fingers at each other and the oxygen supply house for their own failure keep up the illusion that they were saving lives.
Tensions Rise This Week As Fake News Media Badgers God Emperors
The fake news media has spent this past week stoking tensions between the God Emperors Kim Jung Un of the Democratic People's Republic of Best Korea and Donald Trump of the United States. Where Trump's predecessors Clinton I, Bush II, and the Manchurian Candidate have responded to routine North Korean diplomatic missives by becoming the Kim Family regime's weird girlfriend, Trump instead responded with 14 words:1
They will be met with fire and fury like the world has never seen.
The fake news media has responded to the co-existence of God Emperor of Best Korea Kim and God Emperor of the United States2 Trump by suddenly going back and reporting on all of the progress North Korea has made in the field of nuclear weapons since they successfully detonated their first during the Bush II presidency. Progress made by Best Korea on warhead miniaturization and missile embiggenation over a decade during the Manchurian Candidate's 8 years as president has been dumped in to the US popular news cycle all at once.
There is substantial uncertainty in how the clash of the God Emperors will resolve. The Democratic People's Republic of Best Korea's Kim, enabled by the Manchurian Candidate's tenure as President of the United States of Best Korea, now actually has the nuclear deterrent that Saddam, Ghaddafi, and other members of the international community targeted for Arkencide by Hillary Rodham-Clinton lacked.
With the non-zero chance "nuclear deterrent" theory gets put to the test, it may be prudent to stockpile enough NAND flash memory to satisfy anticipated needs for quite some time, as most of it is produced within range of Best Korea's conventional artillery batteries.