Derp Summit At Bretton Woods Begins Today

A large number of derps from obeastly regulatory bodies, hamplanetary legislative bodies, and mayogendered figures declaring themselves to be from the blockchain industry are meeting at Bretton Woods. According to CoinDesk the aim of this meeting at Bretton Woods is to produce a "white paper" for presentation at a "payments industry" conference this October. Attendees are reported to include:

the US Federal Trade Commission; US Department of Commerce; and the National Institute of Standards and Technology, as well as US Representatives Mick Mulvaney (WOT:nonperson) and David Schweikert (WOT:nonperson) and members of educational groups including Coin Center and MIT Media Lab

The amount of detail offered by CoinDesk further suggests that Barry Silbert (WOT:nonperson) or representatives of zher ventures will be in attendance.

Brettons Woods is a resort in Carroll, New Hampshire that offers skiing and conferences that attempt to pervert the meaning of money. A July 1944 conference at Bretton Woods set the stage for the purely fiat currency which would come to fruition over the next several decades. The setting chosen for this gathering suggests those in attendance intend to subvert the actual future of Bitcoin regulation.

Given the short hours long life of the "Kimberly Process for Bitcoin" meme, expect the mayogendered forces of shitgnomery to begin pushing a "Bretton Woods of Blockchain" meme. The delay between this conference in July to the paper's presentation in October suggests that the meme will have at least three months to live, if only in their own heads. The conference begins today and continues through Wednesday. Sorry for your laws.

Meh Of The Week: Coinbase Can't Serve Canada

Coinbase has announced that it will no longer be servicing Canadian customers after August 1, 2016. Canadian fiat interface Vogogo abruptly decided to shut down it's service, leaving Coinbase no way to hawk it's imitation Bitcoin to users located there. Current users have been given a deadline of July 29th to convert their Canadian dollars to Bitcoin, or withdraw to a bank account. Users who fail to do so will be subject to account suspension, leaving remaining users in the scheme forced to pay exorbitant fees to recover their finds. Coinbase notably supported the failed XTCoin and ClassicCoin coup attempts which both failed like their Canadian fiat interface Vogogo. Sorry for your loss.

Multiple Ambush Attacks On Police Officers Today

Following the sniper versus drone incident last night there were at least two incidents of police officer being shot in ambush style attacks. In Georgia a man reportedly called 911 and when a police officer arrived at the scene shot the officer who ended up wounding him too, both are reportedly expected to survive. In Ballwin, Missouri a police officer seems to have been lured into pulling over a car where a man shot him in the neck before fleeing. A suspect in the Ballwin ambush was taken in after being subdued by electroshock weapons. The Ballwin incident is notable as during the past several weeks predominately black churches around the Saint Louis area have been subjected to fires and graffiti sympathizing with the Black Hebrew nationalist cause, a factor likely to further aggravate tensions in the region which is also home to Ferguson. Peace in our time.

Water Charity Maximizes Their Marketing On Paypal's Venmo

A charity group has reportedly unwittingly used a vulnerability in Paypal's Venmo service to spam users, and perform a DoS attack on it's own network. waterislife.com reportedly used the loophole to automatically send 1 cent to a person every time they used the service to purchase products online, with one example message stating "“1 cent can’t buy you pizza. But for just 3 cents, you can buy someone clean water for a day.” There is no current restriction on the number of successive requests allowed by a single user, leaving one to expect other mass advertisers will quickly follow suit. Venmo has yet to offer word as to whether imitating the mass spam transaction service ChangeTip will be considered a bug or a feature. WaterIsLife did not disclose how much the campaign cost them to run, but reportedly received $400 USD in donations on the first day.

Days Of Rain Set Corn Crop Up For Strong Finish

Substantial amounts of rain over the past several days covering largely unirrigated portions of the American Midwest has likely set the corn crop up for success in spite of the threat of a La Nina driven drought. This is bullish for America's collective transition to the Mayo gender. Between the ageing surpluses of grain accumulated over several years and the adipose tissue attached to its many hamplanets, the United States is well entrenched in an agricultural crisis driven by an uncontrolled surplus of food energy. Not only are "food" calories in the United States becoming too cheap to meter, millions of eager mouths are testing this premise. Sorry for your loss.

Counterpoint: Maybe Comey Didn't Want To "Crush His Own Throat" #ClintonPrivilege

Former President of the United Nations General Assembly John Ashe (WOT:nonperson) was officially determined to have died from a heart attack even though the local police officers who initially investigated his death noted his throat had been crushed (archived). John Ashe was set to testify against Hillary Rodham-Clinton (WOT:nonperson) and is the latest casualty of Clinton privilege. Clinton privilege is known to induce "suicide" in persons who threaten the success or continued privilege of Clintons with one of its earliest known victims being Vince Foster (WOT:nonperson). These "coincidences" likely informed the FBI stooge's (WOT:nonperson) decision to make a public announcement earlier today affirming his support for Clinton privilege. Sorry for your loss.

FBI Stooge Affirms Clinton Privilege

FBI Director James Comey (WOT:nonperson) announced today that his office would be affirming Hillary Rodham Clinton's (WOT:nonperson) Clinton privilege. For the crimes of being a horrible sysadmin, running an email server which leaked US foreign policy secrets, and trying to conceal her violation of the laws concerning the handling of classified information Comey found nothing worth his pressing charges over. Never mind that David Petraeus (WOT:nonperson) , the second coming of Uncle Sam had his career destroyed over less when he faced the criminal charges. Check your1 privilege!2


  1. Clinton  

  2. No, seriously go through your ancestor's belongings to find the family tree and connect it to the Clinton family tree lest you suffer like Ross Ulbricht who had no Clinton privilege.  

Ether Huffers Continue Fall Into Depravity

Flaming tire fire in a shitpit Ethereum showed signs of fermentation related to the fork today, as prices1 dropped below the $10 mark. 24 hour trading stats on coinmarketcap.com showed a -13.62 % drop at the time of writing, with the DAO also plummeting -18.13 %. Even while Ethereum's Phil Daian (WOT:nonperson) watches his "innovative project" burn to the ground, Buterin (WOT:nonperson) seems to feel he can offer the Bitcoin community advice on how to fix their blocksize issues. His suggestion is to remove transaction signatures.2 The Bitcoin Foundation however has already made it quite clear that that isn't gonna happen. Sorry for your loss.


  1. To the extent jenkem can have a price. Turn out this whole time they thought they were huffing ether it was jenkem all along!  

  2. Transaction signatures are THE most important part of the whole cryptocurrency enterprise from both the crypto and currency perspectives.