Monthly Archives: April 2018

British Government Lab Admits No Evidence For Scandal Used To Blow Up Diplomatic Relations And Court European Sympathy

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Today Airstrip One's Porton Down defense laboratory admits it has no evidence to support loud Pantsuit allegations that the nerve agent used to poison a British double-agent came from Russia (archived). This news comes despite the government of the not so United Kingdom using the incident to blow up relations with Russia while fishing for solidarity with the continental Europeans whose Union the Brits will be leaving.

Despite the usual pantsuit media organs insisting Russia must have done it, the ready baked pantsuit public relations campaign accompanying the incident lacks an innocent look on its surface.

Venezuela's Education Minister: Eat Less If You Want To See Food In Supermarkets

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Venezuela's education minister and former Vice President Elias Jaua blames empty grocery store shelves on his fellow Venezolanos and Venezolanas eating too much (archived). This was accompanied by his declaration that:

Thank God there is a Bolivarian Revolution and our people have a right to eat meat, chicken, milk, that they did not have ten, 14 years ago

Meanwhile the "right to eat" won by the Bolivarian Revolution has resulted in a net drop in Venezuela's per capita human mass of 11 kilograms. This resembles the manner in which Obamacare substantially reduced access to healthcare in the United States.

China Raises Tariffs On US Agricultural Exports

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In response to economically nationalist moves made by the US Trump administration, China has moved to impose tariffs on a number of US agricultural products including pork and ginseng. Notably absent from tariffs at this time are soybeans. With Brazilian soybeans demanding a price premium for their higher dry weight protein content, a tariff on US soybeans would have likely have ended their marketability in China.

More Than A Week After Ransomware Strike US Municipality Remains Crippled

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Stories leaking out of Atlanta suggest that the local government is still crippled more than a week after succumbing to ransomware (archived). Ransomware has been a common part of the internet landscape since spring 2013 yet large organizations in the United States remain woefully unequipped to survive.