Monthly Archives: March 2017

Shinohai's Shitcoin Roundup Xtend: Huffers Fail To Replicate Namecoin, "Just A Tip" Never Ceases, Venezuela Still Poor, And SEC/Silbert Drama

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Deciding that regular DNS wasn't shitty enough, Ethereum developers have been working on a more polished turd known as ENS which was released last week. In true Ethereum style, bugs were discovered within a few hours, amongst them one that allowed anyone to claim a domain name without actually paying for it. The team shuttered the project the same day.

Redditards introduced a new native tipping service, known as MiniTip, which appears to be a clone of failed spam service ChangeTip. Victoria Van Eyk was unavailable for comment.

Venezuelan citizens have begun using Rare Pepes for currency as the Bolivar continues to remain in the toilet. (archived)

The U.S. SEC has decided to postpone a decision on Barry Shillbert's Bitcoin Investment Trust (BIT) until May 10th. The SEC recently denied the Winklevoss twins application of their similar ETF fund. Neither party seemed to have followed Mircea Popescu's excellent guide on interacting with fiat institutions.

More State Run Job Boards Hacked

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Further reports are emerging states other than Vermont had their government run job boards hacked as well. Boards in Deleware and Illinois, both named "JobLink" have been compromised for 200,000 and 1.4 million job seeker's sorry for your loss respectively. It should be safe to assume other states with a "JobLink" service have had theirs hacked as well.

USG.NSA Head Rogers Perjured Self On Eavesdropping

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During a hearing on Monday Mike Rogers, head of the USG.NSA testified along side FBI Director James Comey that US President Donald Trump and his team were emphatically not eavesdropped upon. This was followed on Wednesday with the revelation from House Intelligence Committee chair that not only was there tremendous eavesdropping, the traditional redaction and masking of names was not done before the fruits of eavesdropping upon Trump were disseminated to political operatives.

The flensing of the legacy "Deep State" is gaining momentum as Rogers clearly perjured himself while James Comey at the very least violated his duty of candor while testifying.

Vermont Residents On State Run Job Board Hacked

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Roughly 200,000 people in the US sub-territory of Vermont had their personal data stolen in a breach of the Vermont Job Link website according to the State's Labor Commissioner Lindsay Kurrie. The website is used by persons applying for unemployment benefits and allows employers to post job listings for those seeking employment. While the hack likely occurred days ago, the FBI was called in to investigate and did not release any details of the events until late Wednesday. The information likely contains names, addresses, and social security numbers of anyone who had ever used the system. Republican Governor Phil Scott stated that "We don't know still how much data was breached at this point time. We're still trying to gather information. We were lead to believe that it was a much smaller breach yesterday. Today, we were notified that it was significantly much larger." With the responsible parties having no clue as to what happened or how, potential victims have not yet been notified about the extent of their sorry for your loss.

Buttfunex Diversifying Bespoke "Butt Fun" Offerings While Walking Away From BTC

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Buttfunex has introduced new scam tokens allowing users to bet on the future of a chain split between Power Range Coin and Roger Ver-ified UnlimitedSpamCoin. The "Chain Split Tokens" as they are called will be issued as follows:

BCC tokens, which will represent the "Bitcoin Core" fork
BCU tokens, which will represent the "Bitcoin Unlimited" altcoin
BTU tokens, which will represent any remaining BCU tokens remaining after the settlement of the contract.

Sale of the token contracts began on March 17th and will end at 11:59:59 pm UTC on December 31, 2017, and are being offered at the rate of 1 Bitcoin for 1 BCC + 1 BCU. The exchange says the Unlimited tokens will only be valid if "the blockchain …. has diverged incompatibly from the blockchain defined by Bitcoin Core."1 Per Buttfunex policy, they will not be responsible for any Sorry For Your Loss that may occur from gambling with their tiddlywinks. (archived)

  1. Note that it is possible for both "CoreCoin" and "UnlimitedSpamCoin" to both diverge from Bitcoin as defined by the reference Bitcoin network client  ↩

Relics Of American "Great Again" Found In Mexico

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The jerseys worn by Patriots quarterback Tom Brady during Super Bowl LI were located in Mexico after it was taken from the locker room by a member of the "international media" after the game. Super Bowl LI was a passion play in which Tom Brady and his New England Patriots defeated the Atlanta Falcons despite many protestations from the fake sports media that such an accomplishment is impossible. This mirrors US President Donald Trump's victory on November 9th despite fake news media protestations that such an accomplishment was impossible. This parallel makes Tom Brady's Super Bowl worn jerseys lesser holy relics of the coming of The Great Again.

Armed Guard At German Grocer Kills Man In Saint Louis

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Over the weekend an armed guard at a colonial location of the German Grocery giant Aldi killed a customer suspected of shoplifting at an Aldi outpost in North Saint Louis City. The suspect, killed over store branded groceries was pronounced dead at the scene. This shooting follows a Friday meeting between German chancellor Angela Merkel and US President Donald Trump where the two differed on issues of globalization and the meaning of the word bilateral. It is unknown how many US locations of the German Globalization Grocer Aldi employ armed agents to protect their bounty of off brand products.

Shinohai's Shitcoin Roundup Xtend: BTU Breakage Heat, Zcash Instamine Lulz, And More

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The "Bitcoin Unlimited" development team will be releasing their token, $BTU, on April Fool's day of this year in what will surely be hailed as one of the most fitting release dates for a team ever. Unlimited node count dropped significantly this week after the discovery of a remote crash vulnerability. Core developer Greg Maxwell stated on reddit earlier this week that “There are vulnerabilities in Unlimited which have been privately reported to you in Unlimited by Bitcoin Core folks which you have not acted on, sadly. More severe than this one, in fact.” which should ensure a steady supply of lulz in the weeks to come.

Zcash's Zooko, deciding his coin doesn't have a scammy enough image, announced this week the formation of `The Zcash foundation` which will supposedly "promote a healthy and diverse zcash community" Zooko stated he will fund the foundation with half of his "founders reward" instamine, the total amounting to 273,000 coins currently worth $13 million USD at current trade prices. Matthew Green, assistant professor of computer science at Johns Hopkins University, is reputed to be one of the foundation members, which the group hopes will add an air of legitimacy to the scheme.

A new type of ransomware, dubbed "Kirk", has surfaced in various corners of the internet demanding payment via Monero instead of Bitcoin.

Never missing an opportunity to hard fork their flaming-tire-in-a-shitpit, the Ethereum development team announced that their latest fork, codenamed "Metropolis" is now back on their roadmap after being forced to postpone the "improvements" due to The DAO hack

Bitcoin Mining Difficult Goes Up ~3.24% In Newest Adjustment

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Today Bitcoin mining difficulty increased ~3.24 percent from 460769358090.71423340 to 475705205061.62921143 for yet another all time high. The magnitude of increase is down slightly from the last two adjustments of ~4.535 and ~4.4 percent. US dollars continue trading under 1/1100th of a Bitcoin on fiat centered fiat/Bitcoin interfaces as fiat malaise continues.