Peace in our time.
Monthly Archives: September 2016
Politician Who Audited Elections Board Security Sentenced
Insurgent Florida Politician David Levin, the man who responsibly performed an audit of the Lee County Supervisor of Elections website and disclosed the results, has been sentenced to 20 days of prison for preforming that public service. As is traditional in the United States of Amerikkka after his release his freedoms will remain restricted as he is held a further two years in a state of probation. Peace in our time.
Kim Jung Un Bans Sarcasm
North Korean leader Kim Jung Un has banned sarcasm in the Democratic People's Republic of Best Korea out of fear that his people are only expressing their support for him ironically (archived). In related news last Friday the FBI dumped substantial information about Hillary Clinton's slovenly email habits. The highlight of the dump was the disclosure that Hillary told the FBI that she though that the letter "C" preceding select paragraphs indicated alphabetical order rather than the information's "CONFIDENTIAL" classification.
Meanwhile Donald Trump-Clinton continued advancing his position that Russian President Vladimir Putin is a better leader and a better man than United States lame duck Oval Office occupier Hussein Bahamas.
Libertarian candidate Gary Johnson, who is set to spoil the election for Hillary1, in rare mainstream media coverage is being assailed for allegedly not knowing what Aleppo is during an interview. Aleppo is one of many cities in Syria being decimated in their civil war, and neither Aleppo nor its residents matter.
Meta spoiler Green Party criminal Jill Stein who intents to spoil Gary Johnson's campaign to spoil Hillary's campaign2 now has open warrants for her arrest in North Carolina. Stein faces charges of criminal trespass and criminal mischief after undertaking a campaign to damage valuable excavating equipment as part of her meta-spoiler campaign.
Peace in our time. Sorry for your lulz.
In the sense that the voter motivations in this election are split between those who support Donald Trump-Clinton, those who oppose Donald Trump-Clinton, and those who oppose opposing Donald Trump-Clinton the wrong way by voting Hillary and therefore supporting Gary Johnson. ↩
Largely through aggravating the dilemma of choice, a prime method of manipulating cattle and those afflicted with SUTO. ↩
Well Fargo Fined Over Non-Consensual Account Openings
Infamous fiat institution Wells Fargo bank has been fined over $100 million USD by The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau for "the widespread illegal practice of secretly opening unauthorized deposit and credit card accounts." The bank stands accused of allowing thousands of employees to open more than 2 million unauthorized deposit and credit accounts in secret, in order to hit sales targets, according to investigators. Fines and penalties imposed in the case total $185 million USD, with an additional $5 million being required to be paid as restitution to affected customers. Wells Fargo officials said managers and employees involved in the scheme had been fired, and that $2.6 million dollars in customer fees collected as a result of the deceptive activities has been refunded. Wells Fargo & Co is the fourth largest U.S. bank by assets, and the U.S. Treasury still holds warrants to buy about 110 million shares related to the 2008 financial crisis and bailout.
Past Dropbox Use Casts Spectre
A hack that occurred nearly four years ago is coming back to haunt Dropbox, with the data now appearing for sale on a darknet marketplace. Dropbox only announced the breach last week, notifying the affected users that the company would be resetting their passwords. The data reportedly includes the email addresses and hashed passwords that were obtained in the 2012 hack, which Dropbox officials blamed on an employee's reused password. The vendor is offering the trove for a mere 2 BTC making it likely that many of salted and hashed passwords have not yet been decrypted. Either that or after the Peace trove, passwords are cheap. Him in our time
The Presiglassial Ceiling
Even a cursory review of the beta press readily uncovers overwhelming levels of white knight butthurt in the face of the slow, crushing realisation that an allegedly-black-certainly-male candidate is significantly more acceptable to the general public than an allegedly-female-certainly-white one.
Is there such a thing as white knight rage? Sorry for your balls? Sorry for your awls?
Black Man Shot In North Saint Louis County
Darren Seals, a black man, was found shot to death in a car in North Saint Louis county. This is not an uncommon occurrence aside from the fact that Seals' cadaver was discovered in the car after first responders arrived because it was on fire. Young black men being found shot motor vehicles is typical for the area, but the motor vehicles carrying the deceased to beyond are rarely on fire. Usually the only vehicles found locally on fire are police cars.
Seals was a face of the 2014 civil unrest in Ferguson Missouri Black Lives Matter movement and is reported to recently have held an event on "Facebook Live" where alleged local agents of oppression drew firearms on him for the crime of walking near a suicide investigation. Peace in our time.
Hussein Bahamas Cancels Duterte Meeting At ASEAN Over Hurt Feelings
A planned meeting at ASEAN between United States Oval Office bench warmer Hussein Bahamas and Phillipine President Rodrigo Duterte has been cancelled over Duterte's refusal to be lectured by Bahamas over so called "human rights" with Duterte rejecting Hussein Bahamas as "a son of a whore." The mainstream press in the United States is spinning this clearly mutual decision not to meet as Hussein Bahamas cancelling the meeting. This is the second major show of weakness on the international stage by Hussein Bahamas this week.
Peace in our time.
Brazzers Hacked, ~800,000 User Records Leaked
Following a hack on an online forum run by the pop-pornographers at Brazzers email addresses, usernames, and passwords of ~800,000 Brazzers users have been leaked. Sorry for your loss.
Bankrupt Hanjin Desperately Fighting To Prevent Seizure Of Ships
Shipping giant Hanjin filed for receivership in South Korea and filed for bankruptcy in the United States last week after its finances collapsed. This week news is emerging that Hanjin is trying to file for bankruptcy protection in 40 different jurisdictions as they desperately work to prevent any more of their ships from being seized in port. Hanjin operated the world's seventh largest container line at a loss in four of the last five years. The number of Hanjin ships which have been denied access to ports stands at 79. Hanjin claims a fleet of 141 ships, of which 128 are operating. Spot shipping prices on routes conveying cargo from Asia to North America have been holding ~40% higher than they were immediately before Hanjin's initial bankruptcy filing. The firm's current crisis follows the recent refusal of creditors to lend Hanjin any more capital to finance its operating expenses. Sorry for your loss.