Remains Of Hewlett Packard Go All In On Remains Of Syfy Franchise

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In a press release today Hewlett Packard Enterprise, a venture cast off from printer ink scam and former technology powerhouse Hewlett Packard1 in 2015, announced it had bought the plotline to "Star Trek Beyond" from producers of the film as a marketing vehicle for an upcoming product launch. Created by Gene Roddenberry (WOT:nonperson) the Star Trek Syfy franchise helped to kickstart Hollywood's shift to an annuitized business model2 which allows for a predictable return on investment by telling audiences "STFU, these stories are connected." The product driving the plot of the film is yet another Unix machine produced by Hewlett Packard Enterprise (TM)(R) running with an odd build of Linux3 instead of HP-UX and a novel form of memory together united in the way the marketing department imagines it will work after 250 years of bug fixes.

  1. The piece of the historical Hewlett Packard's corpse which most closely carries out the original's work was severed in 1999 and now goes by the name Agilient Technologies.  ↩

  2. At present the outwardly healthiest of these motion picture annuities is operated by Disney utilizing their acquired comic book properties.  ↩

  3. Correction: Hewlett Packard Enterprise (TM)(R) scrapped their oddball Linux portion of this product in favor of running a less peculiar flavor of Linux  ↩

High Profile Likely Hilary Voter Arrested For DUI In California

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Roger Clinton (WOT:nonperson); the brother of America's first black president Bill Clinton (WOT:nonperson), Brother in Law of Hilary Rodham-Clinton (WOT:nonperson), and related through shared New York values to Donald Trump-Clinton (WOT:nonperson) was arrested for driving under the influence. Roger refused blood alcohol testing leaving what he was under the influence of a mystery.  In the past Roger was arrested for crimes involving cocaine. Bill pardoned Roger under the Clinton "family and friends" package. Perhaps Ross Ulbricht (WOT:nonperson) ought to do some searching on his family tree. Sorry for your loss.

Africa Travel Entrepreneur Arrested

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Cameroon national Eric Donys Simeu (WOT:nonperson) has been charged with conspiracy, wire fraud, computer fraud and access device fraud by US Authorities after being arrested in France for his role in an airline ticket scam. Simeu used phishing emails and social engineering techniques to persuade employees of Global Distribution Systems to hand over their login details. He then used this information to issue tickets at will, selling them for cash or using them for personal travel, eventually raking in almost $2 million USD. Simeu was arrested while using one of his fake tickets to travel from Morocco to Paris using a fraudulent UK passport in 2014, and was only extradited to U.S. last week.

Zuck's Social Media Accounts Fucked

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PCWorld has reported that Mark Zuckerberg's (WOT:nonperson) Twitter and Pintrest accounts were hacked this weekend, which the hackers claim was the result of the LinkedIn data breach that occurred a few weeks ago. Although Zuckerberg apparently did not use either account, a hacking group known as OurMine Team was able to post messages to both accounts, asking the Facebook CEO to direct message them. Twitter quickly suspended the account, and apparently access to both sites were brought back under Zuckerberg's control – hopefully with improved passwords.

Phishing Industry Shifts To Ransomware

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A group calling itself PhishMe issued a report stating that 93% phishing emails now include ransomware in place of, or in addition to other payloads. News on the ransomware industry typically come in isolation due to the newness and novelty attached to the subject, but it isn't so new anymore. This news also shows that it isn't particularly novel either any more with Phishers overwhelmingly favoring it due to the income potential it presents. Sorry for your loss.

Bitfinex Pays Protection Money To US CFTC

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The United States Commodity and Futures Trading Commission announced that it has secured $75,000 in protection money from shambling forum scam Bitfinex. The pretext behind this payment is that Bitfinex participated in a sort of transaction the CFTC frowns upon implying its other business at this time has the tacit approval of this organ of the criminal gang in Washington, DC. In the past the CFTC has repeatedly tried to insist it has a place in Bitcoin in spite of all actual evidence to the contrary.1

  1. This evidence includes asserting its will over Bitfinex, the shambling forum scam that succeeded Mt Gox and Bitstamp as the shambling forum scam of choice as its predecessors have withered. Bitfinex will likely be succeeded in this role as well, but the next shambling forum scam to takes its place has yet to be determined.  ↩

Death Rate Rises In United States, Officials Puzzled

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News outlets are reporting the death rate in the United States is rising and that officials representing the criminal gang in Washinton, DC are publicly stating that they are puzzled by this development. You on the other hand don't have to be puzzled. The transmayo gender identity leads only to early death and diabetic limb amputations. Peace in our time.