With Cowboy Ted Cruz dropping out of the race for the GOP nomination tonight Donald Trump-Clinton (WOT:nonperson) is virtually assured the nomination of the United States' minor socialist party. This combined with the major socialist party's rigged contest favoring Hillary Rodham Clinton (WOT:nonperson, aliases include Clitler) means that the successor to Hussein Bahamas (WOT:nonperson) is assured to be a Clinton. It also means that that the next US president will go into office with an existing horrible resume as a sysadmin. Peace in our time.
Category Archives: The Law
Hoaxtoshi Continues Swindling Media
Craig Steven Wright (WOT: nonperson) has reportedly hosted an event with reporters from various fiat media outlets where he faked signing a string with an early coinbase transaction in order to be declared actual Satoshi. For this ruse Hoaxtoshi took an existing transaction signed by the key credited in the block 9 coinbase transaction and acted as though he was signing at the event even though the signature had been actually produced long ago by the key's actual owner. Because of the positions the low quality rubes Hoaxtoshi selected for his audience hold in the fiat media order there are declarations that Hoaxtoshi is the actual Satoshi appearing in various news syndication channels including the BBC and CBS radio. These rubes were very understanding of the fact that Hoaxtoshi apparently couldn't actually move any coins because "the trust actually owns them"(TM)(R).
No Such lAbs Phuctoring Harder Than Ever
Since its recent return the Phuctor by No Such lAbs has been undergoing a rapid series of improvements. The new incarnation of Phuctor in addition to sporting vastly improved hardware and factoring a Northrop Grumman PGP root Certificate authority the RSA Supercollider has moved from Euclid's GCD function to Bernstein's allowing it to process the whole set of collected keys in seconds, a process it repeats several times per hour. After being fed the first million primes on top of the factors already discovered through GCD, Phuctor has as of this writing broken 222 moduli.
US Congress Considers Expanding Authority Of Bureaucratic Magistrates
Neatly mirroring the decaying implementation of Justice in the Soviet Union fifty years prior, The United States Congress is considering changing the Federal Rules of Criminal Procedure in a way that greatly favors police and prosecutors. Chief among this changes is broadening the authority of sub-judicial magistrate "judges" (functionally they are police station gonzos, working mostly as police detectives) to issue warrants and have their warrants recognized outside of their immediate jurisdiction. Due to their para-judicial role indented to supplement actual judges magistrates have traditionally had their limited authority end at the border of their immediate district's borders. The proposed changes are presented in full below: Continue reading
New Vatican Bank Scandal: Coinbase Style Account Closures
Tommaso Di Ruzza, director of the Vatican's Financial Information Authority, announced the completion of a 3-year investigation into the Institute of Religious Works bank, resulting in the closure of nearly 5000 accounts. Pope Benedict XVI established the FIA in 2010 as a way to prevent church accounts being used for undesirable purposes. Account holders in the past have included reputed members of the mafia, although the Vatican has stated publicly it could not identify 1000's of account holders or their connection to the church and it's charitable missions. At the time of the writing of this article, no one has been indicted or prosecuted as the result of evidence uncovered during the investigations.
Politically Inclined Serial Child Molester Gets 15 Months In Prison
Former United States Speaker of the House and second in the line of succession for the Presidency Dennis Hastert admitted during a sentencing hearing today that as a wrestling coach he would molest grappling students that he found in the locker room alone. In the time since Hastert left coaching high school grappling he went on to have a second career in politics reaching one of the highest elected offices in the criminal gang based in Washington DC which professes to govern the United States. One grappler upon whom Hastert lewdly imposed his sexual will in the locker room is now reportedly a successful banking executive in his fifties while another died from AIDS during the 1990's. Hastert's 15 month sentence is more than twice the six month sentence recommended by federal prosecutors and far less than Ross Ulbricht's life sentence and 183,961,921 United States dollar fine for trying to do the tech startup thing. The former locker room predator arrived in a wheel chair having become elderly and suffering a stroke in the decades after moving on from the job which allowed him to hunt strapping young men.
It is unknown how many children recent house speakers Newt Gingrich, Nancy Pelosi, John Boehner, or current speaker Paul Ryan may have molested.
Massive Qatar National Bank Leak Circulating
A dump of approximately 15,000 documents from the Qatar National Bank with information on more than 100,000 accounts are now circulating around the web. This catastrophic failure of the fiat system is still smaller than the typical IRS leak. Sorry for your loss.
US Appeals Court Takes Time To Rule On Sportsball Case
Today the Unites States Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit took time out of its day to uphold a 4 game suspension of Tom Brady for cheating in a playoff game according to the rules of the sportsball league. Rather than issue a ruling on any of the legal injustices occuring constantly in the United States, the justices instead chose to issue a ruling on the rules of sportsball consistent with the sportsball league's internal rules.
Phuctor, the RSA Super-Collider Discovers Vulnerability in Northrop Grumman PGP Root-CA
Phuctor, a public service provided by No Such lAbs has discovered a vulnerability in the Northrop Grumman PGP Root Certificate authority. The public exponent is 16385 a number which is not prime. In fact 16385 has prime factors of 5, 29, and 113. Shame on your Northrop Grumman. Bad defense contractor. Now that Phuctor has returned more lulz are sure to follow. Peace in our time!
BitBet Settlement Transaction Broadcast And Confirmed
Today BitBet receiver David Francois signed and broadcast the transaction settling BitBet's outstanding affairs and the transaction was swiftly confirmed. The transaction
a0f12a33413ec3a38e3ae931068febec133b083d72810fc586a8b1c5f0d7922a
was confirmed a block height 408158. Further the BitBet auction winner has received the concern's non-cash assets though they do not appear to have put them to active use at this time. The raw transaction is presented below in the native hex format and decoded: Continue reading