Shitware Today: China Toying With US Style Extraterritorial Jurisdiction

China has begun dipping its toes into the evils of extraterritorial jurisdiction pioneered by the USG. China's Civil Aviation Administration has begun issuing letters demanding that businesses follow Chinese anti-separatism laws and cease distinguishing between mainland China, special administrative divisions like Hong Kong and Macau, and territories including Formosa1 not yet under the Beiing government's control (archived).


  1. Also known as Taiwan and the Republic of China  

Amazon Washington Post Sinks To New Lows Of Undisclosed Advertorial Content

A recent review of a new "feature" of the Amazon Alexa appears within the Amazon Washington Post's online magazine Slate without any disclaimer of it's advertorial nature (archived). The "feature" being hyped is named "Alexa Blueprints", and it allows users to substitute written notes for an African call and response system implemented on Amazon's surveillance device. Unlike with written notes the "voice computing" system relies on Amazon's cloud, a dependency Amazon is already abusing by censoring "hate speech" and vulgarity. You provide the system a question and an answer, then so long as they next time you try the trick pantsuit hasn't decided your question or answer is racist Amazon's altavoz negro will respond.

For the nominal price of some bezzel bucks and surrendering the sanctity of your home's audio privacy to Amazon; you too can have a creepier, lossier, and less adorable alternative to Teddy Ruxpin take the place of your notebook. This is a proposition the Jeff Bezos owned media outlet fraudulently misrepresents as

"Now [Amazon's] Alexa is fully at your command"

Provided your idea of command is someone other than you having command of the thing. If you wanted that, there are plenty of microcassette recorders around.

USG.MIL Pursues Single Provider "Cloud" Computing Contract

Substantial butthurt is coming out of the USG Department of bagholding as the US Department of Defense looks to award a 10 year single provider "cloud" computing contract (archived). The feedbeasts marketing commercial "cloud" computes are already crying foul that only one of them will get chosen for the priviledge of serving the most gullible customer in history.

21.co/Earn.com Saga Ends With Coinbase Acquisition

The story of 21.co/Earn.com, a widely hyped venture capital eating startup that never found a niche despite bouncing between pursuits as varied as selling tiny underpowered miners to spam as a service, has ended in an undisclosed but roughly 100 million USD acquisition by Coinbase. The paltry sum which still overvalues the firm is likely to leave many people taking a haircut. As part of the deal former 21.co/Earn.com CEO Balaji Srinivasan has won a sinecure "evangelizing" for Coinbase.

Intel Kills Internet Of Shit Remote Management App After Realizing Security Model Broken

Intel has killed its Android and iOS "Intel Remote Keyboard" app used to manage embeded computers in their line of Internet of Shit products (archived). The move was prompted by the discovery of three vulnerabilities allowing keystroke injection and arbitrary code execution. Rather than patch these vulnerabilties and the others likely to be found, Intel simply killed the app leaving their customers to find other remote management solutions.

Gun Free London's Murder Rate Passes New York And Reaches For Detroit

Stabbings in London have taken Airstrip One's capital past New York and on towards Detroit as murder rises the city (archived). The British response to the surge in violence has been to consider banning businesses from delivering knives to residencial addresses and charging a man who defended himself during a break in with murder because his assailant happened to have died after being repelled in a successful defense of the residence (archived). The murder charges are likely an effort to boost the murder conviction rate because that man defending his home was one of the few the police could identify as having stabbed another person.

Between increasing domestic challenges and pending fallout from inciting international aggression beyond their station, Britain continues to become more like Somalia than any historical Britain since the advent of sail.

Workplace Violence Hits Youtube: Disgruntled Content Creator Shoots Coworkers And Kills Self

Overnight a disgruntled Persian, vegan, and female Youtube content producer went to the firm's headquarters and shot three of her coworkers before taking her own life. A number of videos the disgruntled Youtube dependent left behind suggest she held substantial resentments against Youtube over their increasing devaluation of her content and her diminishing compensation for providing Youtube that content.

Boeing Production Hit By Ransomware Using USG.NSA Exploits

Reports are emerging that aerospace giant Boeing's production process has been crippled by malware utilizing exploits farmed by the United States NSA. According to local media reports the ransomware outbreak has crippled commercial airline production equipment and an effect on military products production is likely though unmentioned in the popular press (archived).