Category Archives: Security

Hastert Fights Suit Over Unpaid Hush Money

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After being inducted and convicted over his efforts to pay hush money, serial child molester and former Speaker of the United States House of Representatives Dennis Hastert (WOT:nonperson) is fighting a lawsuit over hush money he failed to pay. Hastert, a former locker room predator who imposed his sexual will on aspiring grapplers before enjoying a national political career, is being sued for breach of contract over 1.8 million United States dollars he failed to deliver.

The suit alleges Hastert managed to make 1.7 million United States dollars out of a promised 3.5 million before FBI agents spooked the old coach into ceasing his cash withdrawals. Hastert's attorneys allege the aspiring grappler who had received coach's locker room attention violated the contract first when he told the FBI about the former Speaker of the United States House of Representative's coaching methods. The former Speaker's attorney also argues that the suit was filed after the statute of limitations.

On Eve Of Convention Democrats Rewriting History Of Their Party

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Breitbart brings us news that Minnesota congressman Keith Ellison (WOT:nonperson) tried to rewrite the history of his party, the one set to coronate Hillary Rodham-Clinton (WOT:nonperson) as their nominee (archived). Ellison tried to declare that former four term Alabama governor, proud segregationist, and even prouder Democrat the late George Wallace was actually a Republican. In 1972 Wallace was the favored candidate to win the Democratic nomination for the presidency until he was shot five times. His campaign ended soon after the shooting. Ongoing concerns about Wallace's health enabled Carter to defeat Wallace in the 1976 primary  paving the way for Reagan convert a substantial portion of the Democratic party's base over to the minor socialist party during the 1980's. It turns out Ether huffers aren't the only people upset with the immutability of history.

I draw the line in the dust and toss the gauntlet before the feet of tyranny, and I say segregation now, segregation tomorrow, segregation forever.

– 1972's long time frontrunner for the nomination in Hillary Rodham Clinton and Barack Hussein Obama's party

France And Germany Bond Over Mass Killings

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Following a solo shopping mall putsch in Munich, Germany and France have decided to strengthen ties and increase their security cooperation. While the alleged mall shooter in Germany fits the traditional American profile of the angry white aspie spree killer, France has become a raging front in the war between ISIS/ISIL/Daesh and the west.

The reignited bromantic passion between the French and Germans comes as Britain decided to leave the European Union. It is uncertain how much violence it would take to strengthen the bonds between European Union remainers in order to head off Departugal, Italeave, et al.

Major Socialist Party Emails Free In Time For Convention

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Hacked emails from the Democratic National Committee are circulating freely in full unredacted glory just in time for Hillary Rodham-Clinton's cornation at the Democratic National Convention. Particularly juicy nuggets include full names, social security numbers, and credit card numbers of donors along with petty bickering. Notable bickering includes an email chain that determined the Obamas would be forbidden to book a performance at the White House from  petite pop singer Ariana Grande because she triggered a bunch of transmayos1 by licking a tray of donuts.

Meanwhile the Republican National Convention proceeded smoothly. On the first day an effort to allow delegates to vote ballots other than Donald Trump-Clinton was quashed. This was followed by Ted Cruz's refusal to endorse Donald Trump-Clinton which served as a unifying catalyst for the party. The convention closed with a speech by Donald Trump-Clinton which was insufficiently dark2 concerning the bleak prospects for the United States.

The cherry on top of the upcoming Democratic National Convention lulz is  Rodham-Clinton's selection of the socially conservative abortion hating Tim Kaine as zher running mate. In addition to criticism of Kaine's selection for supporting the Republican Party's platform on many social issues Kaine is drawing substantial criticism for being a bad sports fan pledging allegiance to the University of Kansas Jayhawks while being a graduate of Mizzou. Sorry for your loss.

  1. One of the party's major electoral demographics  ↩

  2. Naturally mainstream press criticized the speech for being "too dark" and gloomy.  ↩

"Crypto Coin Wallet Card" Physical Bitcoins Were A Scam

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A reddit user discovered that when he recently went to claim the balance from a "Crypto Coin Wallet Card" physical Bitcoin product the balance had already been spent (archived). If you happen to have any sort of physical Bitcoin the best time to recover the balance from the private key is well before the person who generated that key inevitably gives in to the temptation to spend the balance themselves. Sorry for your loss.

Alleged Hero Arrested

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Authorities have announced the arrest of Artem Vaulin, allegedly the man behind the KickassTorrents p2p bittorrent site. Ukranian prosecutors have charged Mr. Vaulin with one count of conspiracy to commit criminal copyright infringement, one count of conspiracy to commit money laundering, and two counts of criminal copyright infringement. kat.cr does not host any copyright infriging matter, but contains links to peers that can share the file. The DOJ is seeking to deport him to the US to stand trial for violations of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act, according to an affidavit filed by Homeland Security agent Jared Der-Yeghiayan. Mr Der-Yeghiayan is famously known as a witness in the Ross Ulbricht trial, specifically the one who was convinced Mark Karpelès did it.

The Department of Justice press release can be found here. Peace in our time.

Poor Wi-Fi Hygeine Snags Data At RNC

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Avast security announced today that rogue wireless access points set up in and around areas at the Republican national convention in Ohio netted around 1200 unsuspecting users in what the company claims was an experiment to demonstrate how risky it can be to connect to public Wi-Fi. Researchers set up several fake access points, naming them after common hotspots, and some with clever names like  “I vote Trump! free Internet”. Approximately 1.6 Gb's of data was exposed, with the report stating that 68.3% of users had their identities or other sensitive information exposed upon connection. Nearly 25% of the users browsed porn sites, while only a little over 5% used the connections to play Pokemon Go. The experiment at the very least highlighted the lack of security consciousness amongst the average person that occurs on a daily basis.

US Department of "Defense" Switches To iPhone

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Reports are emerging that the United States Department of "Defense"1 is moving from Google's smartphone platform to Apple's smartphone platform. Apple already enjoys a rather chummy relationship with various organs of the United States government but now Apple has won endorsement from the Special Operations Command for the supposed tactical utility offered by the iPhone 6s ™(r). The price Apple paid for the marketing value of having the iPhone, assembled in Shenzen by Hon Hai Precision Industry Co. Ltd., endorsed as a "National Security Product" used by 31337 special forces operators playing Modern Warfare IRL has not been disclosed. Peace in our time.

  1. An odd designation considering nearly all of its roles and abilities are balanced towards offensive rather than defensive capability.  ↩

First Difficulty Adjustment After Halving: Very Slight Increase

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The Bitcoin network mining difficulty went from 213398925331.32391357 t0 213492501107.51336670 an increase of 0.04385016% in the first difficulty adjustment after the network's second halving. Prices reported by fiat/Bitcoin interfaces have been similarly stable staying with the number of United States dollars required to purchase a Bitcoin remaining in the middle 600s  much of the time. HODL on!

Three Baton Rouge Officers Killed In Ambush

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Three Baton Rouge, Louisiana police officers were killed after responding to a call of shots fired (archived). Once the police arrived at the scene the suspects who appeared to already be engaged in a gun battle with each other redirected their aggro and targeted the police officers. Whether this was an honest gun battle between actual adversaries that turned into an ambush when police arrived or a planned ambush shaped by the idea that simulating a gun battle in the streets would1 attract a sizeable police response. One of the ambushers was shot dead and two were arrested. Other participants may at present be suffering neither confinement nor the actualization of their mortality. Peace in our time.

  1. At least at present  ↩